DEAR ABBY: How do you feel about a granddaughter who brings her fiance to dinner and then throughout the evening lies close to him on the sofa, caresses him, and can't keep her hands off him, apparently forgetting there are others present in the room?

Her parents seemed unconcerned, but I was shocked that they would display such behavior in front of so many people. I am sad that they showed her grandfather and me so little respect. Please respond. -- FLABBERGASTED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Don't take it personally. I'm sure no disrespect was intended. People can't be expected to know what they haven't been told -- and obviously your granddaughter hasn't been told that intimate displays of affection make other people uncomfortable.

If you invite the young lovers to dinner, speak up and tell your granddaughter that while you're pleased that she's head-over-heels in love, you would prefer she keep both feet on the floor while she's at your house.

DEAR ABBY: Two days after Thanksgiving, my next-door neighbor's house burned to the ground. They had gone 10 miles away to spend the night with their children and grandchildren. We didn't know our neighbors well enough to know anyone to contact in case of emergency, although they know we are here for them and vice versa.

Abby, please urge people to think about possible emergencies and to plan ahead of time for them. It was more than two hours before these people could be located, and by then they had lost everything.

I only wish I had asked them for an emergency number ahead of time. You can be sure we will be giving a contact number to a few of our closest neighbors if we go away. -- SORRY WE WERE TOO LATE, McALESTER, OKLA.

DEAR SORRY: Not only should travelers make sure they can be reached in case of an emergency -- such as damage to property or a sudden illness or death in the family -- they should carry with them the name and phone number of someone to be contacted in case something happens to them while they're away.

DEAR ABBY (a.k.a. Pauline Phillips and Jeanne Phillips):

In 1957, Time magazine called Dear Abby "the fastest rising star in the field of journalism." Ever since, Dear Abby has symbolized a caring heart, a fountain of commonsense wisdom, and a solace to people who need a trusted friend in whom to confide. It is why you graced the radio waves for so long, and why 95 million people read you and learn from you in 1,250 newspapers every day.

For 45 years, you have fulfilled that early promise. In recognition of your achievement, on Feb. 14, Valentine's Day, a Dear Abby "star" will be placed in front of the beautiful and historic Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Your star will shine more brightly than ever from the world's most famous boulevard of brightly shining stars. You have earned it and deserve this tribute from all of us who love you. -- JOHNNY GRANT, HONORARY MAYOR OF HOLLYWOOD

DEAR JOHNNY: I'm over the moon about the star! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Tax time is approaching. As a tax practitioner, I am asking for your help. Please inform your readers:

(1) Same- or next-day "refunds" are NOT refunds. They are super-high interest loans with interest rates higher than some loan sharks charge! If you file early, you can get your money back in as little as two weeks.

(2) Allow the practitioner to use a direct-deposit refund. If you don't, your return could take up to 10 days longer to be printed, sorted and mailed. The IRS already knows about every bank account you have, so you have nothing to fear.

(3) Choose a practitioner who will be there after the end of April. Don't use a tax mill that disappears after three or four months.

(4) Make sure the preparer signs your return. IT'S THE LAW. If he or she refuses, do not pay for or accept the return. Remember, you are just as responsible for your tax preparer's mistakes as he or she is for yours.

(5) Don't ask the preparer to do something illegal. (You could wind up as cellmates.)

(6) Just because somebody you know took a certain tax deduction does not mean you're also eligible.

(7) The IRS now requires Social Security numbers for each member of your family. Most hospitals arrange for numbers to be issued at birth. You can also obtain one from your local Social Security office. If you are a nonresident alien, the local IRS office will issue you a temporary number for identification purposes while you are in this country.

Thanks for your help in getting this information out, Abby. -- TAX TIPS FROM A PROFESSIONAL

DEAR PROFESSIONAL: As people scramble to get their tax filing done, it's tempting to take a few shortcuts. Thank you for your warnings and helpful suggestions. I hope my readers will take them to heart.

DEAR ABBY: My letter is in response to "Terrified in the South," who discovered her husband's interest in child pornography. "Terrified" asked whether you thought her husband could be a child molester and said that she couldn't stand the thought of her husband touching her "if he ... hurt a child like that."

Abby, her husband doesn't need to physically touch a child to "hurt a child like that"; his desire for child pornography creates and fuels the demand for the sexual exploitation of children. Please inform your readers that the very act of downloading or viewing child pornography is a criminal act and creates the environment for children to be sexually abused by SOMEONE.

The U.S. Customs Service investigates the trafficking of child pornography via the Internet. If your readers suspect someone is involved with child pornography over the Internet, referrals can be made by calling 1-800-BE ALERT (1-800-232-5378) or via e-mail to c3(at)customs.treas.gov. -- GABRIEL HAGAN, SPECIAL AGENT, U.S. CUSTOMS SERVICE

DEAR SPECIAL AGENT HAGAN: Thank you for your expertise on this subject. Child pornography is a vice that affects everyone whose lives are in any way touched by it. I suspect your letter will be clipped and saved by concerned readers.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a loving father of two boys and have been happily married for six years. However, my wife and I are having a serious conflict.

I love to fish and hunt. About eight times a year, I take a trip to hunt or fish. The trip usually lasts from one afternoon until the next evening. I am gone about 32 hours. This infuriates my wife. We argue every time I get ready to go. This is the only thing we argue about, but the arguments are serious and affect both of us adversely.

Abby, I try to be the best father and husband I know how. I spend almost every day of the week with my family. We go places together all the time. We are both Christians and take our children to church every week.

I have offered to go to counseling to see if we could get some help. She says it's not necessary because the problem isn't that big. I can't help but believe that our problem is about more than just a question of hunting and fishing. I feel she wants to control me. She says she just misses me. She agrees that I spend more time with the family than most husbands do. I do this out of love.

Am I wrong? Should I offer to give up my hobbies? Is it wrong for me to go hunting and fishing on occasion? Abby, I would never neglect my family. Any advice you can offer will be appreciated. -- KENTUCKY HUBBY

DEAR HUBBY: Eight days a year of personal time devoted to hunting or fishing is not a lot to ask. Whether she will admit it to herself or not, your wife's behavior is controlling. By picking a fight with you she ensures that if you go, your pleasure will be lessened.

Since you feel that the arguments are serious, by all means talk to a counselor before the problems escalate further. You could both benefit by going, but if your wife continues to minimize the importance of this issue, go without her. You will gain valuable insight.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a family who refuses to take their 92-year-old grandmother to the doctor for her yearly checkup? They say it's "too far."

As far as I'm concerned, no distance is "too far" if you care. She has offered to pay for the gas, but they still refuse.

Are there agencies that will pick up people and take them to their doctor's office? -- A FRIEND IN CHICAGO

DEAR FRIEND: What you are describing is a form of elder abuse. Notify the doctor's office. They should be able to contact a local agency that assists seniors and others who qualify for free or low-cost transportation to medical appointments.

P.S. Since her family is unwilling to monitor the health of their aged grandmother, it's possible that she should be visited by a social worker from time to time.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a man who had affairs throughout his marriage and, after his wife died, put "Beloved Wife" on her tombstone? -- KNOWS THE TRUTH IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR KNOWS THE TRUTH: I think he's guilty of false advertising.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)