DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to the letter about the ladies in the quilting club who disapproved of the man who won their quilt in a raffle. They referred to him as "scum."

We live in a small community, and I know this man. These women have judged him solely by his appearance. I admit he could clean up a bit and present himself better, but I try to look past it to the real person.

Abby, that man is a decent human being. He has a kind heart and good intentions. He may not have a lot of money, but he has always treated me with respect and kindness and tries to do what is right.

As for your advice to the complaining ladies, I would take it a step further. HE is the one with love and compassion, and it should rub off on THEM. They should know not to judge a book by its cover.

By the way, the man was thrilled to have won the quilt. He showed it around town to everyone who would look at it. -- FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR

DEAR FRIEND: When people write to an advice columnist, they often tell only half the story. Thank you for filling in the blanks on this one. I'm pleased the gentlemen received his quilt. I hope he enjoys it and never saw the first letter about it in this column.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm 76, and this is my first letter to an advice columnist. (I started reading advice columns years ago when Dorothy Dix wrote one.)

When I read the letter from the quilters, it reminded me of a raffle that took place about 50 years ago, held by an American Legion Post. I was still living in my native state of North Carolina at the time. The $1 tickets were for a dance at the post and a chance to win a new Cadillac. (You did not have to be present to win.)

One ticket was bought by a black man. He knew he would not be allowed to go to the dance; however, he figured that his dollar was going to a good cause. Well, you guessed it! The black man's ticket was the winner.

After the raffle, when the officials realized who had won, they decided a black man could not win such a prize. His dollar was returned to him, another ticket was drawn, and the Cadillac was awarded to the second "winner."

Well, even 50 years ago, so many white people protested that miscarriage of fairness, the Legion Post bought another Cadillac and gave it to the black man. -- NOAH J. GREEN, SAVANNAH, GA.

DEAR NOAH: Hallelujah! For those times and that locale, it must have seemed revolutionary that fairness prevailed.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 1-year-old daughter. On numerous occasions, strangers have approached me and asked if they could hold her. It is uncomfortable and awkward for me, and being at a loss for words, I usually allow their request.

I have talked to other parents about this, and they share the same uneasiness with these forward strangers.

Please tell me how to handle this. -- NEW MOTHER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NEW MOTHER: When a stranger asks to hold your daughter, simply tell the person no, you would prefer he or she didn't.

DEAR ABBY: I have had many personal problems over the years. Earlier this year, after years of hard work, I finally received my college degree.

I am hurt that the few people in my life didn't even take the time to send me a congratulatory card. What do you think of this, please? -- ROBIN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ROBIN: If you sent graduation announcements to the people in your life, and they didn't respond, I don't blame you for being hurt. Throw yourself a graduation party, invite your family and friends, and celebrate your achievement. You've earned it. Congratulations.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After my divorce 12 years ago, my ex-husband left the state and had no contact with our son, "Lance," or me. We didn't even know where he had gone. Lance was 5 at the time and is now 17.

When Lance was 6, I married a great guy who is wonderful to both of us.

Several years ago, my ex got in touch with my sister and sent her a letter and a picture of him and his new family to give to our son. When my sister gave it to Lance, he told her he wanted nothing to do with his "old dad" (his words) and told her to let things be the way they have been.

My sister continues to harass Lance to write or call his father, and has out-and-out screamed at my son for choosing his stepfather over his birth father. She has even tried to set up secret meetings, but Lance knows better than to trust her and wants nothing to do with her. Time and again he has said he wants nothing to do with his biological father. I feel my son is old enough to make his own decisions.

Because of this, we attend no family events and have cut ourselves out of everyone's life. And we have never said anything to anyone about what my sister is doing.

Lance turns 18 this year and already has plans in motion to legally change his name to his stepfather's and to be adopted by him. He uses his stepfather's name now, except for legal documents. (Another thing that annoys my sister.)

How can we continue to deal with my sister until he turns 18, and what should we say if someone brings up the fact that we never come around? -- TRULY A FAMILY IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TRULY: There is nothing you can do to stop your sister from meddling. She is convinced she knows what is best for her nephew and obviously has a long alliance with your ex-husband. Your son has done an admirable job of handling her on his own.

I'm mystified that you would protect your sister by telling no one about her trouble-making and cut yourself off from the rest of the family. It was a mistake you should correct. If someone brings up the fact that you have been absent, speak up and explain why. If you do, I'm sure you'll find you have allies.

DEAR ABBY: I recently saw the letter in your column from Jack Anspach, who dreamed that the next president would have six letters in his first name and four letters in his last name. He bemoaned the fact that he had failed to place a bet.

Apparently, it escaped his attention -- and yours -- that the names of BOTH major-party candidates have six and four letters. I would have expected you or one of your staff to have caught such an obvious error before going to print.

By now, he's probably got your column matted and framed and proudly on display in his office. Imagine his surprise when he finally discovers that Al is short for Albert. -- JODY IN MEMPHIS

DEAR JODY: Jack got it! I got it! And I'm pleased that so many of my readers also got the JOKE. A little amusement in serious times can be a ray of sunshine on a dreary day, and I think we all needed a dose of humor around that time.

DEAR ABBY: Dad has been a widower for five years. Shortly after my mother passed away, he began dating women (girls, really) about 45 years younger than he is. He has spent more than $20,000 on these girls -- who quit calling after they get his money.

His house has been robbed three times, and it's a constant hassle to cancel his credit cards, call the banks, etc., in the middle of the night after he discovers that someone has been in his house while he slept.

All precautions have been taken, locks changed, a motion-activated alarm installed in the hallway, but he's the one to blame.

He knew the latest girl who robbed him for only three weeks. He invited her into the house. She led him to believe she was going to stay the night with him, got undressed, and then told him she needed to tell the person who gave her a ride that she was staying. She pretended she couldn't find her shirt, and when my father got out of bed to help her look for it, she grabbed his wallet and ran out of the house -- topless. Her shirt was discovered later.

Abby, how can I stop Dad from making such stupid mistakes? I've tried explaining what these women really were interested in, but it happens over and over. Please help. -- WORRIED ABOUT DAD IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR WORRIED: You didn't mention how old your father is or what his mental capacity was before your mother's death, but it's possible that his ability to care for himself has diminished to the point where intervention is necessary.

Schedule an appointment with a doctor who specializes in geriatric medicine and discuss mental and neurological evaluations for your father. Since it appears that he has lost the ability to protect himself from being taken advantage of, also consider consulting an attorney with expertise in elder law about options for protecting your father.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister (age 18 1/2) was treated to a lavish wedding and reception courtesy of our parents. As a favor to my mother, her cousin -- a caterer -- catered the wedding for free.

While my father was on his way home to change my infant brother's diapers (during the wedding madness, no one brought any), my sister and her new husband packed up all the finger sandwiches and most of the remaining food at the reception and left to spend their honeymoon in their new apartment.

When my father returned to the reception, he was outraged to discover that the food was gone, and embarrassed by my sister's behavior in front of her guests who were trying to enjoy themselves without any food.

Dad drove to my sister's apartment and demanded the food and an apology.

My sister says it was "her" wedding and, therefore, "her" food. She won't forgive my father for disturbing her on her honeymoon. My father is sore at my sister for being so thoughtless, thankless, greedy and selfish as to take the food in the first place. Who is right? -- HUNGRY IN PHOENIX

DEAR HUNGRY: Your father. To pack up the food from the reception before the wedding guests had finished eating was a major breach of good manners. If the newlyweds felt they needed fortification for their honeymoon marathon, they could have phoned a restaurant and had something delivered. Your sister owes her father and her guests an apology.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)