DEAR ABBY: Dad has been a widower for five years. Shortly after my mother passed away, he began dating women (girls, really) about 45 years younger than he is. He has spent more than $20,000 on these girls -- who quit calling after they get his money.

His house has been robbed three times, and it's a constant hassle to cancel his credit cards, call the banks, etc., in the middle of the night after he discovers that someone has been in his house while he slept.

All precautions have been taken, locks changed, a motion-activated alarm installed in the hallway, but he's the one to blame.

He knew the latest girl who robbed him for only three weeks. He invited her into the house. She led him to believe she was going to stay the night with him, got undressed, and then told him she needed to tell the person who gave her a ride that she was staying. She pretended she couldn't find her shirt, and when my father got out of bed to help her look for it, she grabbed his wallet and ran out of the house -- topless. Her shirt was discovered later.

Abby, how can I stop Dad from making such stupid mistakes? I've tried explaining what these women really were interested in, but it happens over and over. Please help. -- WORRIED ABOUT DAD IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR WORRIED: You didn't mention how old your father is or what his mental capacity was before your mother's death, but it's possible that his ability to care for himself has diminished to the point where intervention is necessary.

Schedule an appointment with a doctor who specializes in geriatric medicine and discuss mental and neurological evaluations for your father. Since it appears that he has lost the ability to protect himself from being taken advantage of, also consider consulting an attorney with expertise in elder law about options for protecting your father.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister (age 18 1/2) was treated to a lavish wedding and reception courtesy of our parents. As a favor to my mother, her cousin -- a caterer -- catered the wedding for free.

While my father was on his way home to change my infant brother's diapers (during the wedding madness, no one brought any), my sister and her new husband packed up all the finger sandwiches and most of the remaining food at the reception and left to spend their honeymoon in their new apartment.

When my father returned to the reception, he was outraged to discover that the food was gone, and embarrassed by my sister's behavior in front of her guests who were trying to enjoy themselves without any food.

Dad drove to my sister's apartment and demanded the food and an apology.

My sister says it was "her" wedding and, therefore, "her" food. She won't forgive my father for disturbing her on her honeymoon. My father is sore at my sister for being so thoughtless, thankless, greedy and selfish as to take the food in the first place. Who is right? -- HUNGRY IN PHOENIX

DEAR HUNGRY: Your father. To pack up the food from the reception before the wedding guests had finished eating was a major breach of good manners. If the newlyweds felt they needed fortification for their honeymoon marathon, they could have phoned a restaurant and had something delivered. Your sister owes her father and her guests an apology.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married in three months. A month ago, I verbally invited one of my co-workers, "Sandy," and asked her for her home address to send the invitation. Unfortunately, Sandy was "let go" last week under difficult circumstances. She was very upset.

I haven't spoken to Sandy since the day she left, but she's left me several voice-mail messages, which I have not returned.

I plan to send wedding invitations out soon to all of my co-workers, but under the circumstances, I don't know whether I should officially invite Sandy. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. Your thoughts, please. -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: Since you asked for her address, and she knows why you asked, follow through and send the invitation. It's the right thing to do.

If your former co-worker is uncomfortable at the idea of seeing her old colleagues again, she'll decline your invitation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband just told my son and me that he has another son from a relationship he had when he was 17 -- before we met. The "new" son is in his early 40s.

My husband has informed me, after 35 years of marriage, that we are now "starting over" and must include this son in our lives. If I don't, we won't have a marriage.

My life is now consumed by my husband's guilt. All he talks about is this son he never wanted before. Why do my son and I feel we are being punished for his past? -- HEARTBROKEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You and your son feel your territory has been invaded. You are not yet able to lower your defenses, open your hearts, and realize this isn't a competition -- the son your husband fathered at 17 needs to know the parent he never knew, and vice versa.

After all these years, your husband is now ready to make himself emotionally available. To adjust to this new reality, you and your son may need spiritual or psychological counseling to help you deal with your anger. Don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I divorced four years ago and just married a wonderful man six months ago. I have a son who is 16. He and my new husband have a great relationship. My son has never been close to his natural father.

The problem is, my husband has taken a job 3 1/2 hours from home so he has had to move. I have remained behind so my son can finish school.

I know my son would like to graduate with his friends in 2003, but I would like us to be together as a family again.

Would it be selfish of me to move at the end of this school year? I want what's best for my son, but I really miss my mate in life. -- ALONE IN MISSOURI

DEAR ALONE: It is not selfish to want to be with your husband. Although your son may resist, he will adjust and make new friends during his junior and senior years at his new high school.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am grief-stricken. Yesterday my husband and I faced the awful experience of putting our 3-year-old chocolate Labrador to sleep. For two or three days, he wouldn't eat or drink, and was lethargic and vomiting. We took him to the emergency vet hospital. The vet examined him and found "something" in his abdomen, which would require surgery to remove. What they found in his intestines was part of a kitchen towel.

Unfortunately, the tissue around the towel was infected and dead from the lack of blood supply to his intestines. The damage was worse than anticipated, and he began bleeding internally. He was too weak to make it, and we had to put him to sleep. To say that we're devastated is an understatement.

I always hang a kitchen towel on the handle of the oven on which to dry my hands, remove things from the oven, etc. The towel probably smelled like food, which prompted him to chew it. To top it off, when we came home from the surgery, our 1-year-old puppy threw up the other portion of the towel!

Abby, please make other pet owners aware of this potential hazard. If sharing my story can spare someone else the devastation of losing a pet to something so avoidable, I'll gain some comfort. -- KELLEE IN TEMECULA, CALIF.

DEAR KELLEE: Please accept my sympathy for the sad loss of your dog. I'm printing your letter as a warning to pet owners. While I thought what happened to your beloved pet was a freak accident, a staff member recalled that something similar had happened to a dog belonging to one of his relatives.

DEAR ABBY: The passenger side door of my friend "Rodney"'s truck does not close easily. A few weeks ago as I left the vehicle, I closed the door, but not completely. The locking mechanism prevented me from opening the door to reclose it, so I decided to push on it to force it closed.

I pushed the door with my posterior and heard a ringing, metallic popping sound. I leaned away from it and saw I had dented the door with my rear end!

Rodney had recently paid for two collisions with this truck, so I offered to pay for the damage I caused. I got estimates from two repair shops, and it will cost close to $1,000 to fix the door.

My girlfriend insists that it was not entirely my fault, and that I should tell Rodney to make a claim on his insurance for it.

Abby, what is your advice? -- WATCHING MY ASSETS

DEAR WATCHING: Rodney should not have to file a claim on his insurance, as that could increase the cost of his premium or possibly result in it being canceled. You damaged his vehicle, and you should pay to have it repaired. Fair is fair.

DEAR ABBY: Your column about displaying pictures of deceased spouses reminded me of the time our minister asked if anyone in the congregation thought that he or she was perfect. No one stood up, so he repeated the question. A man finally stood up. "Do you really think you are perfect?" the minister said. "No," the man replied, "I'm just standing up for my wife's first husband." -- VERNON BENSON, ST. LOUIS PARK, MINN.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)