DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter, who is in elementary school, has been nominated to receive a prestigious award. Because of this, she has been featured in the newspaper and is a celebrity of sorts in her town. My daughter wants us to attend the awards ceremony. She mentioned more than six months ago that my granddaughter is up for this award and stands a great chance of winning it.

Unfortunately, a physician with whom I am friendly invited me to his son's wedding on that same date. I told the doctor that I may be attending an award ceremony for my granddaughter on the same day. Here is my dilemma: I credit this doctor with saving my life. I had cancer. He referred me to a specialist who discovered it. Since then, I have become social friends with this man. I do not know his son, but many people from my social circle will be attending this out-of-state wedding, and I want to go.

My daughter is very upset. She can't believe I would choose to attend a "stranger's" wedding over my grandchild's ceremony, which may very well be a once-in-a-lifetime event.

This doctor saved my life and I feel like I owe my life to him. My husband agrees with me, and so do my friends. But my conscience is bothering me, and my daughter is so hurt. She is a sensitive girl, loyal to her family and dependable. I don't want to damage our relationship. What do you advise? I have nine weeks to decide. -- TORN BETWEEN FAMILY AND FRIENDS

DEAR TORN: When the doctor made the referral, he was doing his job. He "saved your life" so you could attend important family events -- like your granddaughter's award ceremony. In this instance, your family should take precedence. Send the bride and groom a lovely gift, along with your regrets. If the doctor is indeed a friend, he will understand why you couldn't be there.

Since the award for which your granddaughter is eligible is "prestigious," being a candidate is an honor in itself. That you sacrificed to see her honored may be more meaningful to her and her parents than whether she actually wins. Listen to your conscience. It's trying to give you an important message.

DEAR READERS: Today we pay tribute to the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a great American and martyr of the civil rights movement, who was shot to death in 1968 at the age of 39.

Dr. King rose to prominence because of his persistence in the face of violent opposition, and his eloquent pleas for social justice. His principles for nonviolence were based on the teachings of Christianity.

In 1964, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. His words of wisdom are as true today as when they were uttered during his acceptance speech:

"Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time: the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence.

"Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

God bless America. May we as Americans learn from his example.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend, I flew to see my youngest daughter, "Katharine," who is 23. The point of the visit was to plan her wedding with a young man I'll call "Howard," whom she has known for less than a year. Although I approved of the wedding, I had met Howard only twice and was not overjoyed with Katharine's decision.

On the second night we went out for dinner, and Katharine announced that she and Howard are already married and she is pregnant.

How can I tactfully announce this marriage to our friends and family? -- BAFFLED IN BOSTON

DEAR BAFFLED: Announcing the marriage will be a cinch. Visit your local printer and order some lovely announcements that say something like this: "Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So announce with pleasure the marriage of their daughter, Katharine, to Howard Such-and-Such on ( )." There is no need to mention the baby that's on the way -- save that fact for a separate announcement.

DEAR ABBY: We recently moved to a new house. Within one week, we received a letter from one of our next-door neighbors. In her letter she proceeded to tell us about her last neighborhood, where one couple were "pests," the other couple had a pool (which they hated), and a third lady always wore her bikini in her yard. This woman then went on to tell us that no one in our new neighborhood (which is only four houses) wears bathing suits in their yards, but that everyone wears "decent length" shorts, and that "everyone" is opposed to swimming pools.

We are a young couple with three sons, and we plan to put a pool in next spring. I can't believe the nerve of this woman. I will not allow these neighbors' preferences to influence our decisions. Our yard is almost one acre, and she shouldn't be watching us.

That letter was so upsetting to my husband and me, I think we're just going to ignore it, but what would you do? -- STUNNED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STUNNED: I would start making friends with the other neighbors, put in my swimming pool as planned -- and install a safety fence and a tall hedge on the side of my property that adjoins that of the nosy and presumptuous letter writer.

DEAR ABBY: It's amazing how younger people judge those already well into their later years. The following incident happened when I was 91. I'm now 92, and I still go to a local gym three times a week, lifting weights to keep my body in fairly good shape.

One day last year, I noticed a young man of about 30 lifting a bar with weights on the ends. I approached him and asked, "How much are you lifting?"

"Seventy pounds," he replied.

"Mind if I try?"

"Sure," he said, "go ahead."

When I lifted the weights as he did, he asked, "How old are you?"

"I'm 91," I replied.

Staring incredulously, he croaked, "And you're still standing?"

This gives you some idea how we in our later years are stereotyped, and how wrong some people can be. Don't sell us short. Not all of us are over the hill. -- MURRAY SHAW, PHOENIX

DEAR MURRAY: Your lesson is well taken. As any qualified butcher will tell you, prime beef only gets better when it is aged.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was married to my soul mate for more than 31 years. He passed away three years ago. I stayed by his side 24 hours a day for 21 months while he fought for his life against a malignant brain tumor. We had a great marriage, and I'm thankful I was able to be there for him. I'll never get over missing or loving him.

I'm 54 and healthy, and decided not to wear black and mourn for the rest of my life. Three months ago, I married a man with whom I had become good friends at church during the last year and a half. We actually dated for only a month, but we knew each other well enough to know that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

The problem is my two adult children. They have become greedy and demanding. They're afraid I'm going to leave all of "Dad's" retirement to my new husband. They refer to my house as "Dad's" house. I have explained to them that it is mine. I gave them what he specified in his will, and then some. My daughter even demanded to see my will -- which I told her she could see after I die.

My daughter has asked me not to call her house anymore. Was it wrong of me to go on with my life? -– NO NAME OR TOWN, PLEASE

DEAR NO NAME: Not at all. While your daughter may justify her behavior as trying to "protect" her mother, in reality the name for what she's doing is emotional blackmail. Keep your distance and concentrate on being the happy newlywed you deserve to be. How sad for your children that because of their attitude they have driven a wedge between themselves and the only parent they have left.

DEAR ABBY: I just read a column of yours containing a letter from a girl who had been raped. She was upset about not being a virgin at her wedding.

I was sexually abused as a child, and this is what I was told in my counseling group: "If I hit you on the head with a rolling pin, would you consider that your first experience with cooking?" Abby, that girl is still a virgin. She has not had sex or made love; she was attacked, and the weapon was a penis. Technical terms do not apply to this situation.

Knowing that you are still a virgin can be very important in the healing process. I am mostly recovered; however, some wounds never fully heal. -– "J" IN WILLIAMSVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR "J": Never say "never." I hope you continue to progress. Your counselor is a wise person. It's troubling that when people hear about a sexual assault, one of the first reactions is to ask what the victim might have done to have brought it on. The truth is, a victim of rape and the victim of a mugger or robber have two things in common. They were both in the wrong place at the wrong time –- and vulnerable.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)