DEAR ABBY: About four years ago, my dad bought my mother a beautiful set of diamond rings to upgrade the set he had given her many years ago when they first married. My mother gave her smaller rings to my brother, who then proposed to his girlfriend and later married her. I thought it was very nice of my mother, and I was happy for my brother.

Last month, my father died. While my brother and I were staying at her house, my mother gave my brother her new set of diamond rings and told him to give them to his wife.

My brother and I have often joked about how he is her favorite child. (For instance, one year my folks gave him a camcorder and I got a dozen pairs of stockings.) There is nothing in our history that would warrant this favoritism. We both were always responsible, hard-working children and adults.

I am extremely hurt and do not know how to get past the pain. Have you any suggestions? –- DESPERATELY NEEDS ADVICE, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Yes. Tell your mother exactly how you feel and why. Allowing this to fester will only make it worse. It does appear that your brother is the favored child -– and it is not a joking matter. The answer you receive may not be to your liking, but it's better than not knowing. In fact, the truth may set you free.

P.S. Under the circumstances, I commend you for having such a good relationship with your brother.

They have already made arrangements to have a big wedding one year from the date of their marriage. I am unsure if I should send a wedding gift now (which would be a check), or wait until the "big" wedding. I would like to do something. What would you suggest?

We sent the couple an engagement gift as soon as we heard the news. I'd really appreciate your input, Abby. –- UNSURE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR UNSURE: Since you have already given the young couple an engagement gift and you are not attending the "small" wedding, wait until you are invited to the "big" celebration before giving them anything more than your heartfelt good wishes.

P.S. Offering to host a baby shower would be a caring and supportive gesture.

DEAR ABBY: You said you thought it wouldn't be easy to top the story about the 50th anniversary reception collection basket. Allow me to try:

We were invited to a couple's home for a party to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary. When we arrived, there was a prominently displayed money tree. Of course, all the guests ended up covering the branches with "leaves" of money. Several days later, we learned that the happy couple had been in the midst of getting a divorce before the party, but needed extra cash, so they decided "why not?"!

We certainly hope the divorce was a friendly one, because I don't think they have any other friends left after that scam. -– DUMBFOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Your letter is a first. Surely no one can top this one.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: While cleaning out some drawers, I discovered a column of yours I had clipped years ago. I'm now saving it for my great-grandchildren.

Your column has helped lots of people, and perhaps this item can save other teen-agers many heartaches and problems if you print it again. Thanks. –- A GREAT-GRANDMA FROM INDIANA

DEAR GREAT-GRANDMA: You're right. It contains information every teen-ager should know –- so here it is for young people who don't think things through before they do "everything but" or become sexually active:

DEAR ABBY: I weep every time I read a letter from a pregnant teen-ager pleading for help. So few people know that the sex act need not be completed for a female to become pregnant.

I was a medic in the service. When I got married, my ward doctor loaned me a medical book that he'd used in counseling young people. From that book, I learned that when a man becomes excited, a few drops of neutralizing fluid are released to neutralize any uric acid in the male urinary canal. It is nature's way of clearing a safe path for the delicate sperm cells to pass through at termination of the sex act.

Lab tests have shown that occasionally a few sperm cells are present in the fluid. This occurs most frequently in teen-agers, since that is when the male is at the peak of fertility.

Abby, please warn young people that if they plan to go beyond kissing and holding hands, they should take all necessary measures a couple would or should take in preventing pregnancy. "Fooling around a little" can be as dangerous as going all the way.

I am a father and a grandfather who is concerned about our youth, so if this information can help someone, you have my permission to edit it any way you like. –- CONCERNED GRANDFATHER

DEAR GRANDFATHER: Thank you for a lesson in sex education that may save young people from an "accidental" pregnancy they are ill-prepared to handle.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Puzzled Mother-in-Law," I had to write. She said she and her husband traveled for three days to their son and daughter-in-law's house for Thanksgiving, and then were ignored by the daughter-in-law. She kept to herself, reading books, sewing and staying in her closed bedroom.

I am a man in my 60s, and I think you missed this one, Abby. This behavior happened to me with two of my sons and a couple of friends.

That daughter-in-law and their son are most likely breaking up. Their son invited them, and his wife probably told him, "They're your parents –- you entertain them."

What I'm saying is, the son and daughter-in-law most likely put up a "front" for the occasion. As soon as the holiday was over, they probably went their own way. –- BEEN THERE, SEEN THAT, SUN VALLEY, NEV.

DEAR BEEN THERE: You certainly had a different take on this than I had, and you could be right. If I hear from the mother-in-law and you are correct, I'll print the letter. Thank you for the input.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away unexpectedly last year, following a cerebral hemorrhage and weeklong coma.

My wife and I have a 10-year-old daughter and a son who is 5. At my wife's request, our children did not attend the funeral or unveiling (we are Jewish). She thought it would be inappropriate to subject them to events they would not understand.

I agree somewhat, but only in regard to my little boy, since he's only 5 and doesn't understand much about death. My daughter, on the other hand, has a clear understanding. She cried terribly last year upon hearing her grandmother had died, and she has seen how my mother's death affected me.

My kids have never visited the grave, also at my wife's insistence. I want to take my daughter there, but my wife fears she would have nightmares afterward and that the experience could be harmful. My daughter has asked me many times to take her. She says she doesn't understand why we left her out of the funeral, etc. Now I don't know what I should do.

I wanted to include her in everything -– the funeral, unveiling and graveside ceremony. I still want her to see the beautiful memorial stone put up in honor of my mother's memory. Abby, who is right on this subject, me or my wife? –-SAD AND CONFUSED

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: You are. When a child is old enough to understand and ASKS to be included, that child should be.

Your daughter has been denied the closure she desperately needs. Take her to your mother's grave, and if she needs to, let her cry. Tears are healing.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)