DEAR ABBY: Our parents, who were married 47 years, divorced six months ago. Mom and Dad now live on opposite sides of town. My brothers and I have been discussing how to celebrate the holidays as a family. I think Dad could probably tolerate being in the presence of Mom for a few hours, but Mom is so angry, she can't stand the sight of him. We kids want our children to celebrate as we always have -- as one family.

I realize we could split Thanksgiving and spend half a day with each parent. However, we don't think that's fair to us and our children. My husband is recovering from a heart attack, and he will get too tired if he has to spend the whole day with that many people. I suppose he could slip off into the bedroom and rest, but how much rest can you get with people talking and kids running all over the place?

I would like for our parents to meet us in a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner, either at noon or in the evening. I'm not sure Mom would agree to be in the same room with Dad, though. My oldest brother thinks it would be a disaster.

Abby, do you have any suggestions for handling this holiday dilemma? -- THE CHILDREN

DEAR CHILDREN: Putting your parents together now would be like mixing fire and ice. Forcing them to be in the presence of each other when their feelings are still so volatile would ruin the holiday for everyone. It's time to establish new traditions.

Since your husband is not up to a full day of celebrating, I suggest you have Thanksgiving dinner with one parent and dessert with the other. Next year, do the opposite. It isn't the "family" celebration you wanted, but it's practical.

DEAR ABBY: The recent letters you printed about transmitting colds prompts my own. Last year, I missed more than a week of work and was sick for almost a month. It was all because a few employees repeatedly came to work sick. My company lost many man-hours during a season when the whole crew was needed. All of it could have been prevented by practicing courtesy and common sense.

Some suggestions to help prevent the spread of colds and flu:

(1) Stay home when you're sick. Wash your hands frequently with soap and water, rest, and drink plenty of fluids.

(2) If you can't afford to lose time, make sure to use a cough suppressant. A doctor or pharmacist can recommend the best one for you. A cough not covered can spread germs up to 15 feet away. When you must cough and cannot cover your mouth, bury your face in your arm -- or at least turn away from others.

(3) Use disposable tissues -- and use them only once. Deposit them in a proper receptable, preferably a lined one so someone else doesn't have to touch them.

(4) Wash your hands at the beginning of breaks and before returning to work to help minimize spreading your illness.

Remember, too, that even the "hale and hardy" can meet an early death if a cold or flu slips unnoticed into pneumonia. I know I wouldn't want it on my conscience that I might have spread the "bug" that killed someone. -- A FELLOW EMPLOYEE

DEAR FELLOW EMPLOYEE: Those are excellent suggestions. What you are promoting is consideration for others -- and that applies during every season, not just the flu season.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As a child, I adored my grandparents. I couldn't wait until Sundays when we would go to their house and spend all day with them. My grandparents have now passed on, and I have my own children.

I now live in a different state and many miles from my family. When we visit my parents, I leave their home with the feeling they felt our time with them was "bothersome." My parents wave my kids outside when they would rather stay inside where their grandparents are. They make comments about my children's behavior, such as "too excited" or "they're hyperactive." My children are NOT hyper. They are excited to see family members they haven't seen all year.

I thought having grandchildren was something special. Instead, after they spend a mere two hours with us, I get the impression my parents have had enough. They are not old. They are only in their mid-60s.

I am tired of traveling halfway across the United States to visit my family and leaving for home feeling we outstayed our welcome. We stay in a hotel and rent our own car. We are doing all we can to make our visits easy for everyone.

I am angry and hope this is published in their local newspaper for them to see. What has happened to grandparents today? At one time, grandchildren were a treasure. It breaks my heart. -- DISAPPOINTED DAUGHTER, HOPEDALE, MASS.

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your parents are giving you a message you should heed. Whether your children are hyperactive or simply high-spirited, their antics are too much for their grandparents to cope with.

It would be wonderful if your parents lived up to your ideal of how they "should" be. However, at this point, they are not likely to change. Harboring anger will not improve the situation.

Keep your family visits as short and sweet as possible. Explain to your exuberant children that their grandparents are no longer used to having children around, so they must be on their very best behavior when visiting.

Your parents may bond and enjoy a warm relationship with your children when they are older. Hold a good thought.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to share a sweet and unusual experience I had with a stranger while Christmas shopping last year.

The cashier totaled my merchandise and said it came to $28.60. I handed her my credit card, but it didn't register in the machine. I gave her another card. It, too, didn't work. The cashier said something must be wrong with the machine.

A lady standing behind me asked the cashier, "How much was that?" The cashier told her and the lady said, "I'll take care of it," and handed her $30. I was astounded! I said, "Lady, don't do that. I'm able to pay for this." She said, "I'm sure you are, but I want to give it to you as a Christmas present."

The cashier handed her the change and the sales slip, which she gave to me in case I needed to return the merchandise.

I was so stunned I didn't get her name or address. I want to tell her how much the gift was appreciated by both me and my wife. -- THANKFUL TEXAN

DEAR THANKFUL: I'm printing your letter, but you didn't have to ask her name. It's evident: She was Mrs. Santa Claus.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and the mother of a 4-month-old son. I have a high school diploma and some vocational training. I was accepted into college after my high school graduation, but decided not to go away to school so I could stay with the man I love. Had I gone, I would be in my junior year.

Luckily for me, a local company took a chance and gave me a job where I earn fairly good money. However, if I could do it over again, I would go away to college and gain the credentials for a career with good financial prospects.

Because I speak from experience, I have something to say to parents: Try to have a close, honest relationship with your children. Educate them about sex. Stress how important abstinence is, but also teach them about birth control and how to use it effectively. Do not just tell them to "abstain"; explain WHY they should. My mother told me not to have sex. However, she didn't impress on me why I should wait. Now I have a child I'm struggling to take care of.

To young people, I say: Don't do what I did. Complete your education. Take some time growing up. Live a little before starting a family. Believe me, there's plenty of time to have children when you are mature.

I love my son, but it would have been better for both of us if I had waited until I was more mature and had finished my education. -- STRUGGLING IN GEORGIA

DEAR STRUGGLING: Once the rose-colored glasses come off, there's nothing like the clarity of 20-20 hindsight. I hope that parents and teen-agers will take your letter to heart. It contains some important truths.

DEAR ABBY: Friends of ours will soon celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. Do you think it is appropriate for them to renew their wedding vows with my friend wearing a white gown, and having bridesmaids and groomsmen? They couldn't afford a formal wedding 30 years ago. -- JUST WONDERING IN IDAHO

DEAR WONDERING: Much depends upon the spirit of the event. Although an all-out celebration IS in order, to attempt to re-create a wedding that didn't take place 30 years ago, in my opinion, could possibly create more stress for friends and family than pleasure.

DEAR ABBY: I am 40, single and childless. I have many friends who are married with children. I have always been curious to know the protocol in my situation. I give birthday and holiday gifts to my friends, then find myself including a generic gift for the spouse and, of course, the child/children.

However, the value of what I receive and what I give is not equivalent. Although friendship has no price tag, I am confused as to whether I should give my friend a gift, and exclude her spouse and kids -- or what? -- WANTS A CLEAR CONSCIENCE

DEAR WANTS: There is no "protocol" in giving gifts to friends. You give what is in your heart and within your means, and receive what friends and family are able to give in return. However, if you provide gifts for three, four or five members of a family on birthdays and holidays, it makes sense that the one gift you receive should reflect that. If you're feeling shortchanged, this year exchange gifts only with your friends.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)