DEAR ABBY: I recently met this guy. He's unbelievable! He is sweet, charming and loving. We went to the same high school, but I didn't know him very well then. He tells me he's infatuated with me and can't stop thinking about me. He says he prides himself on being in control, but when he's with me he feels completely out of control.

We really don't date because he goes to law school three hours from my home.

He tells me all the time I have nothing to worry about because he would give me anything I want. He buys me beautiful gifts.

There is only one thing that troubles me. He has a girlfriend. He has been with her for five years. I know he loves her, but I wonder how that can be if he comes around to see me. He says he's working on breaking it off with her, but he has to take it slow. Last night he said if everything is "meant to be" it will happen, and to just follow my heart.

Abby, I'm trying not to, but I'm starting to fall hard for him. I told him I didn't want to share him. He says he totally understands how I feel. Should I continue seeing him and wait to see what happens, or break it off now? -- CONFUSED VIRGINIA TEEN

DEAR CONFUSED: You are an intelligent young woman. You can see that although this young man is sweet, charming and adorable, he isn't completely honest. A five-year involvement is usually a serious one -- so someone is going to be hurt. I don't want it to be you.

The next time you see him, remind him that he told you he'd give you "anything you want." Tell him what you want is for him to do the honest thing and inform the lady he's been seeing that he's met someone. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know about his level of sincerity.

DEAR ABBY: You frequently address family-gathering issues in your column. Last year I had the best holiday season since my childhood, and all because I declined every invitation I received.

My husband, our two children and I stayed home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. What a stress-free experience it was! No pressure, no uncomfortable conversations, no fights -- just relaxing, delicious meals. Please pass this idea along to your readers: It is OK to decline invitations. -- COLLEEN IN WILLOWICK, OHIO

DEAR COLLEEN: I'm pleased to do so, bearing in mind the old saying, "Different strokes for different folks." Every year at holiday time I receive letters from conflicted readers who are under pressure from parents and in-laws to spend the holidays with one side of the family or the other. While those traditions can be rich and fulfilling, I advise them that it's equally important to establish family traditions of their own. Alternating holidays with extended family can also provide emotional dividends.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "WANTS TO GET RICH QUICK" IN NEVADA: The slots are not the answer to your dreams -- gamblers usually lose because the odds are not in their favor. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Aug. 4 would have been my sister's 45th birthday. Sadly, she died in October of last year from lung cancer. She had been a smoker since she was 13.

During her illness, I promised her I would try to stop as many kids as I could from making the same deadly mistake she did in starting to smoke. I'll keep that promise, and continue to fight the tobacco industry's targeting of children with every last bit of energy I have. I will also do everything in my power to educate young people about the dangers of tobacco.

Teen-agers and pre-teens: Smoking isn't "cool"; it's deadly! If you don't smoke now, PLEASE don't ever start. If you do smoke, quit NOW -- if you can. Tobacco products of all kinds are silent killers. By the time you find out you have a tobacco-related illness, it's usually too late.

Approximately 465,000 people in the United States die of tobacco-related diseases each year. I'm sure each and every one of them thought, "It won't happen to ME." That's exactly what my sister thought. Sadly, she was wrong -- dead wrong. Thanks to her addiction, she'll miss her sons' graduations, she'll never attend their weddings or see the faces of her grandchildren. She won't grow old with the husband she loved, and who adored her.

Abby, our family is devastated. We miss my sister with all our hearts. Please help me spread the word. -- HEARTBROKEN SISTER, CONCORD, CALIF.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I'm pleased to do it, but first permit me to offer my condolences for the loss of your beloved sister.

Your letter is a timely one because tomorrow is the 24th Great American Smokeout. For anyone who may not know, the Smokeout is an upbeat, good-humored one-day campaign to encourage smokers to quit smoking for 24 hours -- just to prove to themselves they can do it.

In 1999, 21 percent of smokers (approximately 10.8 million) participated in the Great American Smokeout. Of those participating, 11 percent (1,188,000) reported they were smoking less or not at all one to five days later. That's more than a million people who are on their way to healthier, smoke-free lives -- thanks to the American Cancer Society.

This year, because more than half of all smokers begin smoking before age 14, the focus of the Great American Smokeout is on teen-age smokers. It's necessary because the tobacco industry spends more than $6 billion a year -- that's $200 a second -- promoting a product to young people that's lethal when used as intended.

A majority of teen-agers who smoke have tried to quit, but find themselves "hooked." According to the experts, more than 70 percent of daily teen-age smokers who "think" they won't be smoking in five years are still smoking seven years later. Tragically, of the more than 3,000 young people a day who begin to smoke, ONE-THIRD will eventually die from a smoking-related disease.

While I'm on this morbid subject, I should mention that flavored cigarettes ("bidis") have recently become popular among young people. This may be due to their candylike taste, or their relatively inexpensive price ($1.25 a pack), or the fact that they are rumored to be less harmful than tobacco. Not true! What teens don't realize is that the sweet flavor of bidis masks the harsh, cancer-causing chemicals inside. Bidis have THREE times more carbon monoxide and nicotine, and FIVE times the amount of tar as American cigarettes have.

And so, dear readers of all ages, if you're hooked on tobacco and have been saying, "One of these days I've got to quit," why not join the Great American Smokeout and quit tomorrow? It won't be easy, but it'll be the best holiday present you can give yourself and the people who love you.

Those who need more help or more information about the effects of tobacco may call their local office of the American Cancer Society or (800) 227-2345. Teen-agers are invited to visit www.Y2Kidz.org to learn what they can do, such as signing a pledge not to start -- or to stop if they are smokers now -- and to send virtual postcards to people they love who are addicted to tobacco.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I devised a wedding plan that pleased both our families. He is the youngest child; I am an only child. We've always been especially close to each of our moms. We wanted to make their wedding dreams for us come true, as well as our own.

The solution? We had THREE celebrations! One for us, and one for each mom. Sound crazy? It's not.

My fiance and I eloped to Santa Fe, N.M., for a private ceremony with only my best friend and my fiance's brother in attendance. We hired a professional photographer to capture every moment for our families. It was a beautiful ceremony in a church with a minister.

Three months later, my mom arranged a 200-person sit-down wedding reception in my hometown. She asked our long-time Presbyterian minister to "bless" our marriage with a small ceremony, invited the guests, ordered the food and hired the band. In short, she gave the party she had always dreamed of for her only child.

Three months after that, my mother-in-law hosted a Catholic validation at a church in my husband's hometown. She was overjoyed to provide the Mass and party she had always hoped for her son.

All in all, we had three weddings, and celebrated our marriage for a year. It was perfect. Both sets of parents attended each other's events, and everyone got to eat, drink and invite whomever they wanted. I didn't get stressed-out like some brides do -- I just enjoyed myself.

Abby, I highly recommend this solution to anyone who is trying to please everyone. You can have your wedding cake and eat it, too. -- WE DID IT OUR WAY

DEAR WE DID IT: Providing all the in-laws can afford it, your solution seems amicable for everyone. It's an original. My congratulations to all of you.

DEAR ABBY: I was disappointed in your answer to "Disappointed in Arkansas," who was hurt because her brother didn't share the full amount of money he received on a piece of property he had rented from her. You should have suggested that this family use a local mediation service.

Mediation is a process that helps people discuss issues and settle problems. Mediators give people a chance to talk about the situation -- and ways to solve it -- with a neutral third party (the mediator). Mediators do not take sides, tell people what to do or make decisions. All decisions and solutions come from the parties themselves.

Mediation provides people a place to talk about issues in a safe environment, conducive to working together, rather than in a courtroom (which is much more expensive and adversarial).

Many communities have mediation centers. Remember, there are at least two sides to every story, and through mediation all sides will be heard. -- VIRGINIA MAN IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR MAN IN THE MIDDLE: Thank you for an excellent letter. Mediation (dispute resolution) is a much less expensive solution than going to trial. I'm sorry I didn't think of it.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)