DEAR ABBY: I have a major dilemma. I began dating "Edward" six months ago. Edward's grandmother and I took a special interest in each other and soon became great friends. Three months later, she fell ill and passed on. God rest her soul.

Now the problem: She left her entire estate to me! This includes property, two cars, her home and a handsome sum of money. The family was shocked to learn of this, and so was I. Now I'm afraid Edward's family resents me.

Should I hand everything over to her only remaining son, Edward's father, or keep it? I am not sure if I should honor her wishes or make the family happy. I really love Edward and hope to have a serious future with him. I don't want any ill will with his family. Please help. -- UNEXPECTED HEIRESS

DEAR HEIRESS: Before you make any hasty decisions, speak with the attorney who helped Edward's grandmother make her will. It might give you some insight into her motivation for naming you and excluding the family. It is possible she felt she had already provided enough financially over the years for her only remaining son and his family. Even if you now feel like the object of resentment, there is no guarantee that handing over your inheritance will make those feelings go away.

It goes without saying that this is a decision that only you can make. So think carefully about the implications and take plenty of time. Continue to work on your relationship with Edward -- and "que sera sera."

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion, based on my experience, for "Colorado Lady in Waiting," who is in love with "Bob" after dating him for seven months. He wanted her to be his girlfriend, but didn't want her to go with him when he moved out of state, saying he "wasn't sure he wanted to commit."

Twenty years ago, I maintained a four-year long-distance relationship with a boyfriend. Everything seemed fine. Then suddenly he advised me that he had met someone else. I was devastated and unable to form a lasting relationship for years, as I trusted no one.

Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder; absence makes the heart forget.

My boyfriend left me for a woman he felt would make him a better financial partner. The joke was on him. I made my first million when I was 40. I found him recently via the Internet and discovered that his marriage is an unhappy one, and he regretted the decision he made so many years ago. Today I am ... SADDER, OLDER AND WISER

DEAR SADDER, OLDER AND WISER: Sadder? Please reconsider and settle for older and wiser. Be grateful that this man showed his true colors and made another woman miserable for 20 years. There but for the grace of God go you!

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a sweet guy for a while. We really like each other and have a lot of fun together. The problem is, he's shorter than me. All I think about is the difference in our height. Please advise me what to do. -- NOT SEEING EYE-TO-EYE

DEAR NOT: With pleasure. Recognize your priorities. If he has an ear you can confide in, a mind that's open and a heart that's generous, he has all the equipment you need for a beautiful relationship. The measure of a man should be from eyebrows up. To disqualify someone because of a height requirement would be shortsighted and the "height" of stupidity.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I know you reach millions of readers, so please print this letter. It could save someone's life.

If a friend or a relative has been shuttled into a nursing home, I beg you to please visit him or her at least 20 minutes a month. Just drop by to say, "Hello." Let the person know you care.

Many older folks -- "our finest generation" -- have been cast aside like old shoes to live out a dead-end existence in nursing homes. They are lonely -- suffering physically, mentally and emotionally -- because they have been discarded and forgotten.

Some nursing homes do not have enough trained staff or the facilities to properly care for their patients. Because many "dear ones" have no one to visit and monitor their care, the homes have become negligent, and they're getting away with it.

You can make a difference. You must make a difference! -- SOS (SAVE OUR SENIORS)

DEAR SOS: Sadly, I suspect much of what you say is true. However, it would be unfair to label all skilled nursing facilities as "negligent." Although some are understaffed, many of them employ caring staff and provide social programs for their residents.

That said, nothing takes the place of a visit from an old friend or loving relative.

DEAR ABBY: I am attending two upcoming weddings where money has been requested as a gift. One couple are close family members on my husband's side. We have not known the other couple that long, but they are members of our church. I am unsure about how much money is appropriate to give each couple. I feel as though we should give more to my husband's brother than to a couple to whom we are not related. How much is enough? -- STUCK IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR STUCK: Your question is one that I am frequently asked, and the answer is there is no "fixed" amount. It depends upon your level of disposable income. However, I agree with you that it is appropriate to give your in-law a more generous gift than you would to casual friends you have only recently met.

DEAR ABBY: So much has been said about road rage that I would like to share a heartwarming experience I recently had on the Santa Monica Freeway in Los Angeles.

I was in the middle lane, the traffic was heavy -- and my car died. My heart pounded. I feared the worst. But no one yelled at me. No one made an obscene gesture. No one shot at me. Instead, folks patiently pulled around my car and signaled others to do likewise (even my flashers were out!).

Soon, a young Hispanic couple got out of their car and pushed me to the side of the road. They refused to accept any money. I no sooner thanked them than a pleasant motorcycle officer arrived and summoned a tow truck.

Within the hour, my car was in the mechanic's shop and I was home enjoying a cool lemonade.

From start to finish, everyone was kind to me -- even the mechanic charged me less than the going rate. I feel blessed to have been surrounded by so many generous, caring people. -- HAPPY MOTORIST IN SOUTH PASADENA, CALIF.

DEAR HAPPY MOTORIST: The majority of people in this world are kind and caring. I'm pleased that you found a high percentage of them in one place.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was always interested in computers and pretty adept at working with them, so I combined this interest with my love for graphic design and began producing small Web pages for friends. One of the pages I designed was seen by a large New York advertising company, and it started throwing me clients so I could make some extra cash. Their in-house designer was a whiz with pen and paper, but keyboard and mouse were foreign concepts to him.

Within two months, I was able to quit my full-time job and design full time, and was earning more than before. I loved the work and didn't mind the deadlines. My family seemed pleased that I was doing well in a job I enjoyed.

Three months later, I got a call from the executive V.P. of the firm. He asked if I wanted to be the new V.P. of the newly created computer graphics development department. It meant a move to New York, but a generous salary with perks and benefits. I took the job and left for the Big Apple.

Although I came home as often as time would allow, I was now regarded as "the successful one with no time for his family." At my younger brother's wedding, I gave them a beautiful Tiffany lamp and a nice check -- however, they looked at me like I was shorting them because I didn't give them the keys to a new car or an all-expenses-paid trip to Europe.

I sent my parents on a three-week Caribbean cruise for their anniversary; they had never been on one and had had few vacations in the past. Now, every relative I have expects the same extravagant gifts. What should I tell them? -- TOO SUCCESSFUL IN N.Y.C.

DEAR TOO SUCCESSFUL: I can think of no load more difficult to carry than the burden of other people's expectations. Your relatives are greedy and presumptuous. If they have the gall to raise the subject of what gifts you "ought" to give them, tell them no one has all the money that others assume they have, including YOU. It's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: If you have been asked this question before, please forgive me. I was wondering what the proper etiquette is about going out (not dating -- just appearing in public) after your husband dies. Is there a waiting period?

My husband passed away two weeks ago. I attended our church festival with two girlfriends, and I felt like I was being stared at. We didn't stay long.

I am only 51 and my husband was 52. I know he would not have wanted me to stay at home -- but I want to do the right thing. -- NEWLY WIDOWED, BADEN, PA.

DEAR NEWLY WIDOWED: I have always felt that the time to show "respect" for a spouse is while the person is living. The right time to resume a social life varies from person to person. If you felt you needed some company and diversion, no one should criticize you for it. However, some people are by nature critical and judgmental. If you live your life to please them, you'll be making a mistake. Enjoy every minute with which you are blessed.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)