DEAR ABBY: Your readers may be interested to know that the Funeral Consumers Alliance Inc. provides an end-of-life planning kit that includes a 20-page booklet, "Before I Go, You Should Know," in which they can record their wishes. It comes in a plastic document pouch, with a refrigerator magnet to indicate its storage location. It contains a checklist of other documents that should also be added to the pouch. (Veterans, for example, might want to add their DD 214 discharge papers that will be needed to get the free cemetery marker and American flag.) Most important, the pouch includes a state-specified living will and durable power of attorney for health care.

Surveys show that 85 percent of the public supports the idea of living wills -- but only 25 percent have done anything about it.

We want to get the kits into the refrigerator of every adult American. Why the refrigerator? Because most people have one, and it's likely to survive a fire. By having a specific place to "file" these papers, perhaps more families will actually get it done. We hope that more families will begin talking about their choices, as recommended in the pamphlet from Partnership in Caring that is enclosed in the kit.

Also included is a brochure titled "Death Away From Home" that's meant to be popped into a suitcase or RV when traveling.

Abby, I hope you'll agree this is something worth mentioning to your readers. End-of-life issues are never pleasant to talk about -- but death (and taxes!) are facts of life. -- LISA CARLSON, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

DEAR LISA: I agree. I was so impressed by the packet you are offering that I ordered some for my staff. I know the subject is difficult, especially when people are in the best of health, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Don't put it off.

Because the alliance is a small, nonprofit office, mail orders are preferred. Send $10 (check or money order in U.S. funds; no cash, please) to: Funeral Consumers Alliance, P.O. Box 10, Hinesburg, VT 05461. (The kit is also available via the Internet at www.funerals.org.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and have met a man I love dearly. He is sweet, caring and intelligent. He is 25. I know that seems like a big age difference, but it doesn't bother us.

My father is nine years older than my mom. They began dating when my mother was my age. I don't see a problem. However, my mother wants me to stop seeing him. I don't want to do that. I am very much in love. What should I do? -- YOUNG, BUT NOT FOOLISH

DEAR YOUNG: Although it's hard to do, try to disengage your emotions from your thought processes for a moment. Your mother has your best interests at heart and may be trying to tell you something important. She may see things in your boyfriend that you do not. Or, she may regret that she missed out on some opportunities because she became involved with your father so early.

You are old enough to have adult conversations with your mother. Try to draw her out about this and give her a fair hearing. If this love is here to stay, it will survive until you are 18. It's not that far away.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter is planning to be married next spring. Her fiance has two children from a previous marriage. Will they become my grandchildren, my stepgrandchildren, the stepchildren of my stepdaughter, or simply the children of the man who married my stepdaughter?

My wife is teasing me about becoming an instant grandfather. I'm not so sure this marriage makes me one officially. I will, of course, treat them as my grandchildren, but I am curious nonetheless. Please advise. -- WONDERING IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR WONDERING: If you are married to "Grandma," that makes you "Grandpa." Stop splitting "heirs" and accept the honor graciously, or you may wind up being called a name that's far less complimentary than "Grandpa."

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Just Julie in California," who was upset that her husband carried two pictures of his late wife in his billfold.

I married a widower who not only had pictures of her in his billfold, he also had one on the coffee table. He didn't constantly verbalize his love for me, but he showed it in countless ways every day, and I was happy to display a picture of his late wife in our living room. She was part of his life before me, and because I loved him so, I was grateful that he had a happy life before we met. Had it not been for their happy marriage, he might have been a different man than he was then, perhaps one who wouldn't have been so good to me.

My husband died suddenly after only 8 1/2 short years together. I am thankful that I didn't waste one moment of our wonderful life together by being jealous of the woman from his past. Julie should treasure what she has today, and stop worrying about a couple of photos from the past. -- SOMEONE WHO CARES

DEAR SOMEONE WHO CARES: Your signature says it all. I compliment you on your capacity to love and your common sense. New wives of widowers, please heed her message -- it contains a valuable lesson. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Just Julie in California," who complained that her husband carried pictures of his late wife in his wallet.

I married a widower who had lost his wife to cancer six years earlier. This is my first marriage.

I know how overwhelming it can be to feel you are competing with a ghost. I solved the problem by remembering that I have a wonderful husband and that it was that dear departed lady who taught him about women. I also know that my husband gained strength and compassion by caring for his first wife during her illness. I count myself fortunate that my husband knows how devastating it is to lose a spouse, so he cherishes me.

Abby, I have placed some of his late wife's things on display and keep a small photo of her on the mantle over the fireplace. Whenever I walk past it, I always remember to thank her.

"Just Julie" should take heart and consider that if her husband loved his first wife so much that he carries her photo in his wallet 11 years after her death, how much he can love the wife he is able to hold in his arms. Sign me ... JOHN'S SECOND WIFE, NEW JERSEY

DEAR JOHN'S SECOND WIFE: Your husband picked not one but two "winners" to marry. You are a very perceptive woman. Take a bow -- you deserve it. John is a lucky man to have had two such wonderful, loving wives.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please alert your readers that blood donation is urgently needed! I am a regular blood donor, and while I personally do not mind needles, I have great admiration for those who are "needle phobic," yet continue to give regularly.

This year we are celebrating the 10th anniversary of our oldest son's bone marrow transplant for aplastic anemia. Andrew was only 4 years old when diagnosed. He required twice-weekly platelet transfusions, as well as regular packed cell transfusions before and after his transplant. We are thrilled to report that Andrew sailed through the transplant from his little brother's marrow. However, without blood from his countless volunteers, he would not be with us today.

To all who have never donated, please do. You will not regret it. To those of you who donate regularly, keep up the good work. You are truly God's angels on Earth. -- THANKFUL MOM IN OTTAWA

DEAR THANKFUL MOM: I am pleased to know your son came through with flying colors.

Your letter is a timely one because our nation's blood supply is alarmingly low. In fact, the blood shortage is so severe that in some of our larger cities, elective surgeries have had to be postponed.

Readers: Please give blood TODAY. Advances in medical technology have increased the number of procedures -- such as organ transplants -- that require supplemental blood. The demand has outpaced the national supply.

If every eligible donor would give blood just once a year, the blood shortage would be history. Contact your nearest Red Cross Center by looking in your telephone book or asking the information operator; or call 1-888-256-6388 for the location of your nearest community-focused blood center.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 13 and has many friends. She's smart and beautiful. She even has her first boyfriend as of two weeks ago. My concern is, she took a razor blade and made cuts and marks in her forearm.

Because I feel this is so very serious, I have made an appointment for her to see a psychologist next week, and I want her to stay at home more until she has talked to the counselor about this. (She doesn't want to see the doctor and thinks I am being overprotective.)

I am worried sick about my daughter, but I don't want to smother her, either. What do you think about this, Abby? She reads your column and, I think, will take what you say into consideration. -- WORRIED MOTHER, CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR WORRIED MOTHER: You are right to be deeply concerned about your daughter's cutting. While she may be beautiful and popular, and even have her first boyfriend, cutters usually cut themselves because the act brings them some relief from severe emotional pain. I'm pleased that your daughter will be getting professional help as quickly as possible.

As long as she is willing to cooperate with the doctor, I see no reason why your daughter should be grounded at this time. She needs emotional support from understanding friends.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)