DEAR ABBY: I have just discovered that my wife of 35 years has been gambling heavily for several years. Nearly $8,000 has been withdrawn at the casinos from our account and hers in the last nine months.

I am a saver; she has been a spender for the duration of our marriage. We could live very well in our retirement if we are prudent now.

She says it's her life and she will do what she wants; it's her money and she'll spend it any way she wants. She does work, but are these fair statements? Will she ever quit gambling? -- HOPEFUL IN KENTUCKY

DEAR HOPEFUL: Unless your wife is willing to admit that her gambling has become a problem she's unable to control, she will continue to gamble. Most couples pool their finances and decide together how the money should be spent. Her argument that it is her life and she'll do anything she wants, etc. is defensive, selfish and irrational.

You can lead a horse (player) to water, but you can't make her drink. Unless she's willing to get help for her gambling addiction, your wife could literally spend you out of house and home. Consult a lawyer about separating your finances before she goes through all the money. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Valerie Gibson of Cheyenne, Wyo." regarding the kindness of strangers reminded me of a similar act of kindness bestowed on my husband and me earlier this year. We are both in our late 60s.

My husband considers himself an excellent driver, but actually drives like someone watching a tennis match. He constantly gazes at landmarks, left and right, instead of keeping his eyes on the road.

We were traveling along I-75 from Atlanta to Biloxi, Miss., in our motor home when I noticed a piece of metal lying in the road. I thought my husband had seen it too. By the time I yelled, it was too late. He ran over the piece of metal, and it embedded itself under the vehicle.

As we continued driving, we could hear the metal scraping the pavement but did not know what damage it had done. We stopped at a restaurant, and my husband surveyed the damage. The piece of metal had embedded itself in our septic tank, which was a relief to us, as we had feared it had penetrated the gas tank.

My husband worked furiously for about 10 minutes, but couldn't free the metal object, nor could he bend it to stop scraping the roadway. Just when we had given up, several people left the restaurant and noticed our dilemma. One young man left the group and came to our aid, but was unable to dislodge the metal either. He said he lived only a short distance away, and would go home to get a hacksaw.

Within 30 minutes, he was back as promised. He crawled under the vehicle and spent the better part of 15 minutes sawing away at the metal. He finally was able to saw off enough to stop the scraping. Although I offered, he would not accept a cent for his help. He said he hoped if his parents were ever in a similar predicament, someone would assist them.

Even more remarkable about this young man helping us is that he is white and we are black and this is still "the deep South." -- MRS. V.W. BROWN, ATLANTA

DEAR MRS. BROWN: Contrary to what some may believe, there are many young people in the South -- and elsewhere -- who have been raised to see people first, not their race. Still, it's nice to see a testimonial to that fact.

Thank you for sharing your act of kindness. I consider it an antidote to some of the things we see on the evening news. Perhaps it will stimulate others to be Good Samaritans should they happen upon someone in need of help.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You have printed some "You know you are getting older when" letters recently. I recall that you had a piece or two in your column on the same topic some years ago, and that they were very amusing. How about printing them again? -- JOSEPHINE MULLIGAN FROM MONTANA

DEAR JOSEPHINE: What a memory! Yes, that topic appeared in the column 10 years ago. Read on:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLDER WHEN ...

-- You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.

-- You get winded playing checkers.

-- You need a fire permit to light all of your birthday candles and you need oxygen after blowing them out.

-- You order Geritol on the rocks.

-- You sink your teeth into a thick steak and they stay there.

-- You stop to think and sometimes forget to start again.

-- You don't need an alarm clock to get up with the chickens.

-- Your pacemaker opens the garage door whenever a cute gal goes by.

-- The only whistles you get are from a tea kettle.

-- A fortune-teller wants to read your face.

-- You finally get it all together, but can't remember where you put it.

-- You pray for a good prune-juice harvest.

Fortunately, today's seniors are more fit and youthful than ever before, so these may no longer be true. Read on:

-- Everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

-- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.

-- Your little black book contains only names ending with M.D.

-- You look forward to a dull evening.

-- You join a health club and never go.

-- You need your glasses to find your glasses.

-- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. -- Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

-- You have too much room in the house, and not enough in the medicine chest.

-- YOU WONDER WHY MORE PEOPLE DON'T USE THIS SIZE PRINT.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I get a kick out of the items you occasionally print about how you can tell when you're getting old. I think this is a good one: You know you're getting old when you bend down to pick something off the floor, and before you straighten up you ask yourself, "Is there anything else I can do while I'm down here?" -- LESS LIMBER IN FALLBROOK, CALIF.

DEAR LESS LIMBER: Thanks for the chuckle. People over 40 will identify with it -- once they straighten up.

DEAR ABBY: Your entertaining messages about "You know you're getting older when ..." remind me of one that recently brought me to a sudden reality: You know you're getting older when you introduce your son to someone as, "My son, the grandfather!" -- CHARLES J. COOK, MIDLOTHIAN, VA.

DEAR CHARLES: That's great, Great-grandfather! Congratulations on the new arrival.

DEAR ABBY: I got married six months ago and am now getting an annulment. I never got around to sending thank-you cards. What is the appropriate thing to do with the wedding gifts? -- FREE AGAIN IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR FREE AGAIN: Without going into detail, write each gift giver and explain that your marriage is being annulled and thank him or her for the lovely gift. If the gift is unused, offer to return it.

P.S.: I hope your next relationship is everything this one was not.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Concerned in California," regarding her fears about her child drowning while visiting relatives who have unprotected swimming pools, prompted me to write. Her fears are well founded. You were on target telling her that her sister and ex-husband were ignorant about child safety.

As mothers -- and emergency flight nurses with 30 years of combined experience -- we can testify that any unfenced pool in the vicinity of any child is a prescription for tragedy. It does not matter that a child knows how to swim. "Swimmers" drown every day.

Statistics collected by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission paint a frightening picture of childhood drownings and swimming pools:

-- 77 percent of the drowned children had been seen five minutes or less before being missed, and subsequently discovered in the pool.

-- 69 percent of the accidents occurred while one or both parents were responsible for supervision.

-- 65 percent of the accidents happened in a pool owned by the child's family.

-- 39 percent of the supervisors were doing chores.

-- 18 percent were socializing.

-- 9 percent were busy on the telephone.

Thank you, Abby, for letting us share this information. -- MICHELLE WILT, RN, KATHLEEN O'BRIEN, RN, ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR MICHELLE AND KATHLEEN: I hope your sobering statistics will serve as a warning to parents, relatives and caregivers of children everywhere, especially those in warm climates where swimming pools are common.

And thank you for sending me the following list of "Drowning Prevention Tips for Pool Owners," published by the National Network of Trauma Professionals. Read on:

1. Never leave a child unattended in the water or pool area for any reason.

2. Always keep your eyes on the child or children. Designate a child watcher, whether you or someone else, when you attend a party or have friends or family over.

3. Talk with baby sitters about pool safety and supervision.

4. Post rules such as "No running," "No pushing," "No dunking" and "Never swim alone." Enforce the rules.

5. Don't rely on swimming lessons or "floaties" to protect your children in the water.

6. Don't assume that drowning or a drowning incident couldn't happen to you or your family.

7. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security just because you think your pool area and home are secure. Always watch your children, whether in the house or outside.

8. Attend a CPR class. Make sure your baby sitter knows CPR.

9. For the nearest cardiopulmonary resuscitation class, contact your fire department, Red Cross or hospital.

10. Encourage your neighbors to follow pool safety guidelines, including keeping their back gates and doors locked, and their pool gates securely closed and latched.

DEAR ABBY: You may relate to this. You realize you're getting old when you notice a nice-looking, gray-haired man and realize that he's probably young enough to be your son. -- HELEN FOWLER, ASHEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR HELEN: Right! Or you notice that touch-ups have gotten expensive.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)