DEAR ABBY: I am 50 and have been divorced for two years after a 29-year marriage that was, at times, physically and emotionally abusive. I work full-time and attend college full-time.

Two loving and caring friends have helped me through the bad times with encouragement and advice. I often heed their advice, since most of the time it has been good and held true. However, I recently made a decision that has caused a rift between us and this disturbs me.

My son (age 30) and my daughter-in-law (24) have invited me to live with them until I complete my schooling, and I have accepted their invitation. This eases my financial burden (tuition, books, bills, life) greatly. They both have good jobs, no children yet, and are solid and easygoing. My girlfriends are appalled that I could live with my children who have been married only two years! They feel I would be invading their privacy and giving up mine, along with my independence. I assured them that this is only a temporary arrangement, since I have only a year and a half to finish school. I told them the most important factor is that it is OK with my children and OK with me.

My kids and I have discussed privacy issues and personal issues, and we all feel very comfortable with this. One of my friends said she wouldn't visit me at their home because she would "feel uncomfortable." My other friend told me she just doesn't feel that this is right. I love my friends dearly, but I am getting that eerie feeling of "control" from them that I had in my marriage. Am I right, or just paranoid? I'm afraid of making the wrong decision.

My children and I really do feel comfortable with the whole thing. Should I tell my friends it's time to "let me go" and lead my own life now? My friends also disagree with the friendship my ex-husband, his wife and I have. My ex and I both sought counseling during and after our divorce which uncovered a lot of hurt and allowed a lot of healing for both of us.

Help! These two are driving me crazy! -- JANE IN YAKIMA, WASH.

DEAR JANE: You appear to have your life on track after many unhappy years. Your friends may be well-meaning, but threatening not to visit as long as you live with your son and his wife is blackmail. Don't submit to it. Your relationships with your son, his wife and your former husband are admirable. Unless your friends are willing to stop dictating how you should live your life, now may be the time to start broadening your circle of friends.

DEAR ABBY: I dated "Howard" for eight months. He gave me a beautiful diamond tennis bracelet for my birthday. I broke up with him a month later. Now he's asking for the bracelet back! I don't want to return it. Do you think I have to? -- DIAMONDS ARE NOT FOREVER?

DEAR DIAMONDS: A diamond bracelet is a very expensive gift. Since you had it only a month before breaking up with Howard, the honorable thing would be to return it. Perhaps he'll be lucky enough to find another young woman who'll realize that as precious as the bracelet may be, he's the real "jewel."

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DEAR ABBY: My wife is concerned about potential problems with her older sister. In January, they lost their father. Their mother is still alive. Her sister is executrix of the estate. She has told my wife to her face that she hates her. She accuses me of being a liar, thief and scam artist. (I have never done anything to her. I have always been courteous.)

She informed my wife that she would do everything in her power to see to it that she (my wife) gets nothing from their parents whatsoever. Can my sister-in-law cut my wife out of her rightful inheritance?

My mother-in-law is aware of the bad blood between them, but chooses to ignore it. What can my wife do to protect herself when the awful time comes to confront her sister? According to the will, anyone contesting it would get nothing.

The two sisters have never gotten along, and this will really make them enemies. We both read your column and trust you implicitly. What do you think? -- MARRIED TO THE LESS-LOVED SISTER

DEAR MARRIED: Your wife might suggest to her mother that she name an impartial ("without prejudice") person to be executor of her estate, in order to prevent a problem now or in the future. However, if she is aware of the antipathy her firstborn has for her younger sister and ignores it -- she's condoning it, and that's a shame.

If that's not agreeable, your wife's fears might be eased were she to consult a lawyer who is knowledgeable about wills and trusts in the state in which her parents lived. When someone who has a will dies, that will is filed with the court for probate. The purpose of the probate (a court supervised administration process) is to ensure that the wishes of the deceased are carried out. For instance, if the will says the estate is to be divided 50/50, that's how it must be. As executrix, your sister-in-law may be entitled to a fee, but if it's out of line there may be legal remedies.

It's sad that there's so much ill will between the sisters -- but whatever enmity the elder has for the younger, she's legally obligated to follow the terms of the will. Be prepared for any eventuality, but hold a good thought.

DEAR ABBY: I think a secretary in another department likes me, but I know she dates others occasionally. I never get to see her alone because she works in an open office with other workers.

Do you think it would be a good idea for me to get her home phone number from the database and call her at home? I want to invite her out for coffee. -- SHY TEXAS PRINCE

DEAR SHY PRINCE: No! Accessing personal information from the company database could cost you your job. Walk up to her as she goes on a break and issue your invitation in person. Because you are shy, it may be difficult, but the direct approach is definitely more appropriate and far more likely to get the results you hope for.

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DEAR ABBY: I know you have heard in-law horror stories for decades, but I believe mine takes the cake. My in-laws actually threw a second wedding reception for our guests because they didn't feel ours had enough food. It was a catered affair in their home immediately following ours.

When I had children, they told me they knew their daughter's children were their "real" grandchildren, but they could never be too sure mine were! They save their cruelest words for me and our children for when my husband is not around.

They call my husband "henpecked" because ours is an equal partnership, and he shares in the child-rearing, cooking, cleaning and shopping.

My mother-in-law complained last year that my husband is "too close" to his children. She says if my husband has time to coach our son's soccer team, he should have time to fix their storm windows.

My in-laws have repeatedly returned gifts to me saying, "I never cared for that scent of perfume" or "This shirt makes me look long-waisted."

They have also overindulged my husband's sister's children to such a degree that neighbors and other family members have commented on it over the years. My husband has truly supported me throughout these in-law tribulations. We have a fantastic marriage.

My problem is, after 18 years of being on the receiving end of these absurd in-law antics, my elderly in-laws expect me to assist them. They are now in their 80s and infirm. My husband feels obligated to assist his parents, however I don't think I can.

Am I a small person, or is there a limit to what I or anyone should give to people who have been mean and miserable for years on end? -- RESENTFUL IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR RESENTFUL: You are not a small person -- your feelings are more than justified. Your in-laws are so self-centered they do not consider how their words and actions affect other people. However, resentment can do more damage to the person who harbors it than it does to the target.

Should you help these people? Under no circumstances should you be expected to tolerate any more abuse. However, since your husband feels obligated to help his parents, and he has "truly supported you" throughout the years, I think you'd feel better if you returned the favor and supported his efforts. He's sure to need the help. If "helping" conflicts with something that is important to you, call an attendant care agency and let someone else help for a day or two. To do otherwise will only add to your resentment.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your best friend knowingly names her dog the name that you had picked for your future daughter (should there be a daughter)? Am I being silly to feel upset? -- HURT IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR HURT: What your friend did was doggone insensitive, and could create real problems should you have a daughter during her pet's lifetime. What does she think will happen if she calls her dog within earshot of your daughter?

Tell her you have a bone to pick with her. If she refuses to rename her dog, consider that a clue about how she prioritizes your feelings.

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