DEAR ABBY: I am a mammography technologist. Please help me tell mammogram patients how important it is for them to bring in their old mammogram films when they go to a new X-ray office for this test.

Only if the radiologist who reads the films has the old ones for comparison can he or she determine if the shadows are old or new. Without those films for comparison, the patient may have to undergo more mammography X-rays, and perhaps also a biopsy that might have been avoided had the old films been available to the doctor.

Because of changing insurance, it is not always possible for women to have mammograms done at the same place every time. A patient needs only to keep track of where her mammograms were taken so she can call and ask about the procedure for releasing the films to her. The films will be at the X-ray office where they were taken, not at her doctor's office. If she can't remember, her doctor should be able to tell her.

Don't let anyone tell you that mammograms aren't necessary! -- HOLLY GORDON, FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR HOLLY: Thank you for giving women this important reminder, and for giving me the opportunity to reprint these recommendations from the American Cancer Society for early breast cancer detection.

(1) Women age 40 and older should have a screening mammogram every year.

(2) Between the ages of 20 and 39, women should have a clinical breast exam by a health professional every three years. At age 40, women should have a breast exam by a health professional every year.

(3) Women age 20 or older should perform a breast self-exam (BSE) every month.

(4) If a change occurs, a woman should see her health provider as soon as possible for evaluation.

The American Cancer Society can provide free information on how to perform a BSE by calling (800) 227-2345. You will be referred to your nearest ACS office.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother lives close to where I work. Sometimes I stop off and have lunch with her, get her groceries, keep up the yard and do a little work around her house. The problem is, she wants to pay me for everything I do. She's not rich, but she's not poor either.

Last week, I vacuumed her basement because she didn't want the furnace man to see it dirty. She slipped me a $20 bill, I refused to take it. She shoved it into my pants pocket and said that if I didn't help her, who would?

I'm uncomfortable taking her money because she's helped other family members her whole life. I feel it's only right to return the favor. How should I handle this? -- LUCKY GRANDSON

DEAR LUCKY: You are fortunate to have such a generous grandmother -- and she's blessed to have a caring grandson like you.

Your grandmother has a lot of pride. Instilled in her generation was the conviction that you "pay your way" in the world. I understand your hesitation, but take the money. Consider applying part of it to something she might enjoy -- a newspaper or magazine subscription, a recording of her favorite music, a prepaid telephone card -- something she might not buy for herself.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Once a year, my mom, my two sisters and I go away for an "all-girl" weekend without husbands and children. We love this tradition and get along great.

My problem is the past few years we have gone to a casino. My sisters and mom love to gamble, but I don't enjoy it as much as they do. I get headaches when I'm in the casino for any length of time, and find myself spending money just to be around them. I've told them how I feel about the casino atmosphere, but it hasn't made a difference.

This year I suggested we go somewhere that doesn't have gambling, but one of my sisters insists that this is her only chance to gamble, so she wants to go somewhere that has a casino. For some of us, this getaway weekend is our only chance to see each other. If I say I don't want to go, I'll miss out on our reunion. If I go, I'll be miserable. Any suggestions? -- MIFFED SIS IN ORANGE COUNTY, CALIF.

DEAR MIFFED: An official vote is in order. State your case clearly, as you have for me. If you're outnumbered and the gang wants to plan next year's trip to another casino, ask them to at least make some compromise on the amount of time spent gambling and mixing in some other entertainment during the weekend.

Keep in mind you needn't spend every minute with them. Find other things to do that will be of more interest to you -- and then join them for meals away from the casino.

Alternatively, consider making the next vacation a short cruise. Some of the larger ships offer gambling -- and many other enjoyable activities.

If it's any comfort, I'm with you all the way. Gambling has never appealed much to me. I prefer a sure thing!

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently discovered that my son and his girlfriend, "Lois," are sexually active. They have been seeing each other about nine months and both of them will be 18 in a few months. When her parents found out, they called us and the six of us had a discussion at our home.

Lois' father suggested -- and I agreed -- that they should stay apart for a time and think about their relationship and the consequences of sexual activity. At the time, I presumed that they would be allowed to see each other again at some point.

Abby, these are basically good kids. Neither experiments with drugs. Both get good grades and are involved in school activities. They are good people who made an error in judgment. I feel we must make sure they understand that sex is special and not for just anyone, and that they need to know the importance of safe sex.

My son told me today that Lois' father is considering not letting her leave for college in the fall, and her mother may quit her job to stay home to keep an eye on her during the day. What do you think? -- SAN FRANCISCO DAD

DEAR DAD: I think the young woman's parents have overreacted. They can't keep her under lock and key forever. They have failed to consider that their daughter will be 18 in only a few months and can legally move out of the house.

Your attitude is a far healthier one for all concerned. As much as they might wish to, they cannot protect their daughter from the realities of life -- and by age 18, sex is very much a reality to many people.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law earn twice as much as my wife and I do. They insist that we visit them each year in California. My wife and I both have arthritis and find a heated pool therapeutic. They have a swimming pool, but they expect us to pay to heat it when we visit.

This is embarrassing because my three stepdaughters never expect us to pay for anything when we visit them, and we never ask our children to pay for anything when they visit in our home. Last year, my son who lives in Ohio paid to have his sister's pool heated while we were visiting in California.

Should we refuse to pay to heat my daughter's pool or keep our mouths shut and ante up? -- "HEATED" DAD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR "HEATED" DAD: It costs more to live in some areas of the country than others. Although your daughter and her husband earn twice as much as you do, their living expenses may be greater than yours, and it's possible their budget won't stretch to include heating the swimming pool.

If you haven't done so already, discuss this problem calmly with your daughter to determine if there is a reason for their request. Should you find their budget cannot accommodate heating the pool for you, ante up without complaining. If it causes you financial hardship, shorten your visits.

A word of caution: It never works in anyone's favor to compare one child with another, since their financial realities could be entirely different -- and comparisons could create hurt feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently named executor and sole beneficiary of the estate of a dear relative who passed away. One of my cousins had the nerve to contact the attorney for the estate and demand to know why she hadn't received her inheritance.

Please, let me share a few "truths" that may save a lot of time, expense and hurt feelings for other families:

1. People of sound mind have the right to disburse their assets the way they choose.

2. No one owes anyone anything at the time of death (beyond paying personal debts, and final medical and funeral expenses).

3. An inheritance is a gift, not an obligation.

4. If your name is not on the list of beneficiaries, the deceased obviously had his or her reasons not to leave you anything.

If you loved and cared about the person who died, you will always have beautiful memories to treasure -- and in the end, isn't that what really matters? -- BLESSED IN IOWA

DEAR BLESSED: Your letter reminds me of a quotation by Henry Fielding (1707-1754): "If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil."

WORTH SHARING: "The age of a person doesn't mean a thing. The best music is played on the oldest violins." -- Jesse Andrews (submitted by Herman M. Katz, Sierra Vista, Ariz.)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)