DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine recently drove my son home from baseball practice. When I met him in the driveway, he looked, sounded and smelled like he'd been drinking. I was so surprised I didn't say anything to him until several days later. I was also not positive my suspicion was correct since I talked to him for only a minute.

When I did ask if he was feeling OK that day (I didn't want to accuse him outright of drunk driving), he explained that he had been coming down with the flu and "wasn't himself" that day.

Now I don't know what to believe. I know he has a DUI on his record. It worries me to think he may have been under the influence, yet I have never actually seen him drink. I know he has strict rules against drinking in front of children, and I know he didn't drink at the Little League practice, but I'm still uncomfortable with the whole situation.

I have been making up excuses why I have been driving my son since then, but it's difficult not telling him the truth since practice is on his way home from work. Should I tell him the truth about my suspicions? Our sons are best of friends, and I'm afraid it would ruin our friendship. -– IN A QUANDARY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: People who are coming down with the flu do not reek of alcohol. Your son's safety must come first. Under no circumstances should you allow him to ride with anyone you suspect of having a drinking problem. If your friend asks you why you no longer want him to drive your son home from Little League practice, be honest and do not mince words. It's your duty as a parent to protect your child, and that's far more important than sparing this person's feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has recently started going out late at night, around 2 a.m., after the kids and I are asleep. She says she can't sleep. She also says that since she's home all day with the kids, it's the only time she can see some of her friends. I feel this is wrong, but she says it's no big deal.

Abby, this is tearing our marriage apart. When I talk to her about this, she says I'm trying to control her. Is she right? Is that what I'm trying to do? -- FRUSTRATED IN OREGON

DEAR FRUSTRATED: No. Rather than trying to control her, you are trying to save a marriage that's in big trouble. Who could she possibly be hanging out with at that hour? A colony of bats?

You would have to have bats in your belfry to allow this to continue. You and your wife are overdue for marriage counseling. Don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: In your response to "Incensed in Wyoming," who complained that people give her unsolicited advice about having more children, you told her to say, "Our factory is closed." Abby, you failed to give her the rest of the saying. It's "Our factory is closed, but the playground is still open." -- HAVING FUN IN LANSING, MICH.

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DEAR ABBY: I just learned something about an acquaintance I have known for about 12 years. She was my customer until I stopped working a few months ago. I have taken her out for coffee once a month to stay in touch and keep with the news.

Last week, after coffee, she took her time leaving the table. I glanced back and was shocked to see her pick up the tip I had left for the server. I watched her again today as we were leaving the coffee shop. She did it again.

Abby, I like her, but I no longer want to take her out for coffee, especially not in this restaurant. It's one my husband and I visit frequently. I'm embarrassed that the servers haven't been getting my tips and must think I'm cheap.

How do I handle this friendship, and how do I walk into that restaurant again without hanging my head? -- BAFFLED IN TACOMA

DEAR BAFFLED: You may have been acquainted with this person for 12 years, but you're just now getting to know her. How to "handle the friendship"? Confront her. Ask if she's having financial difficulties. Lay down the law and tell her you will not stand for this kind of behavior.

As for the personnel who have been stiffed: Talk to the manager of the restaurant and offer to make good the gratuities that have been pocketed by your guest.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a group that meets weekly for potluck dinners. Several guests regularly help themselves to two servings of an entree and several pieces of bread before everyone has had the opportunity to get a first serving.

Because of this, there is often no meat or bread left for those at the end of the line. Others eat quickly and get back in line for second and third helpings before some have had their first!

This can only be described as gluttony, and it has upset members of our group. Should we appoint a leader and announce the buffet-line rules before the dinner begins, or should we speak to the offenders individually? -- OFFENDED IN TEXAS

DEAR OFFENDED: I think an etiquette lesson is in order. Don't single out the culprits; it would only embarrass them. Make a general announcement of the rules before dinner. Alternatively, designate members to "serve" sensible portions. That should put a stop to the pigging out.

DEAR ABBY: When a spouse dies, I know that many people continue to wear their wedding rings. However, after a divorce, how soon must you remove them? -- EVE IN ALABAMA

DEAR EVE: Tradition and the rules of etiquette dictate that when a woman is no longer married, she removes her wedding band. The rings can be disposed of in any way she sees fit. (Some women have them made into earrings!) However, I find it curious that anyone would persist in wearing a reminder of a painful experience on her ring finger, left hand -- which would discourage attention from someone who might be suitable.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I returned unexpectedly from work to find my husband and my best friend in an intimate embrace. Later my husband confirmed that he had kissed her. I have not heard from my friend since this occurred a week ago.

My question is this: Do you think I should confront her about this? My husband swears it was a one-time thing, and I guess I believe him. My friend and my husband were also friends. Over the years, I have watched them grow quite close, even to the point that I was uncomfortable with their affection.

I guess I should have been more observant, but like most women married more than 10 years, I trusted my husband completely. What a fool I was! This "one kiss" has shattered my self-confidence and damaged my marriage, not to mention that I have lost a friendship that spanned my entire married life.

I want to believe my husband, but I also want to know if I am living a lie or if this marriage is worth saving. She may be the answer. What should I do? -- BETRAYED AND FRIENDLESS, NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR BETRAYED: By all means have a heart-to-heart chat with your former best friend. It might be helpful to hear what she has to say. Keep in mind, however, that if she's in love with your husband, she could try to use the conversation to sabotage your marriage.

Whether or not your marriage is worth saving can best be determined through counseling with your husband. It will take effort on the part of both of you, but other marriages have weathered this kind of storm and have emerged stronger than ever.

DEAR ABBY: May I add my experience to the letter from "Disgusted in Indiana," who believes that it's sacrilegious to list pets in obituaries as survivors of a loved one? I couldn't disagree more. I find it obscene to have to include someone who didn't live up to the part.

My husband and I were married more than 30 years. He was very good to his mother. She didn't return the favor. She mostly took from him. I watched her divorce herself from anything distasteful. My husband was diagnosed with cancer, and although he fought it with all his might, there came the terrible time when the doctor told me he would not survive. I had to tell my mother-in-law, who quite matter-of-factly told me she didn't want to see him but wished to remember him "the way he was." She never saw or talked to him again.

I brought him home so he could pass away there. Our pets never turned away from him, but gave him great joy. His mother could have done the same, but didn't. I wanted his obituary to include those he loved and those who loved him back. It never occurred to me not to include our pets. I felt obligated to include his mother strictly because she was his mother, not because she deserved to be included. -- MOURNING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved husband. That he could not have the comfort of his mother's presence and support as he lay dying was a tragedy for both of them.

Please try to forgive her. While I understand your anger and disgust at the woman, she deserves your sympathy. She's a woman who's unable to cope with the realities of life, and apparently her fear of death is so profound that she preferred living in a fantasy to seeing her child through to the end.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)