DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for three years. My ex-husband and I remain on good terms. Our 13-year-old son lives with me.

I was wondering, Abby, if it is appropriate to display a wedding picture of my ex and me in the living room. -- JANICE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR JANICE: If looking at the wedding picture gives you and your son pleasure and brings back memories of the "good times," there's certainly no harm in displaying it. However, if and when you begin a serious relationship, I'd recommend putting it away -- or giving it to your son for his room.

My instincts tell me you still have romantic feelings for your ex. If he feels the same way, get joint professional counseling and see what develops. It is not unheard of for people to remarry.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are planning a small, intimate wedding in September. He's one of three children. One of his sisters is planning an October wedding. His other sister is being married next month.

His parents have asked us to put our wedding plans on "hold" until both of his sisters are married because 1) they are older, 2) they were engaged first, and 3) three weddings in one year is a lot for one family to handle. Incidentally, Abby, we do not live together and we're paying for our own wedding.

We do not want to wait until 2001 to marry. Are we selfish to want our wedding the way we want it? I'd appreciate your perspective. -- UNCERTAIN IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Since you're planning and paying for your own wedding, and the groom's family has limited participation in most weddings, I see no reason to postpone the happy event. To put a positive spin on it, your future in-laws will probably refer to the year 2000 as "The Year of the Weddings" in their family.

DEAR ABBY: Please print "Ten Commandments for a Mother-in-Law." They have been a guiding light for me for years. Actually, the title should probably be "Ten Commandments for ALL In-Laws." -- GRATEFUL MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR GRATEFUL: You could be right. They contain much wisdom. Read on:

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR A MOTHER-IN-LAW by Iola M. Irwin

Thou shalt love, honor and respect the new couple.

Thou shalt allow them complete independence.

Thou shalt speak only kindly and loyally about them.

Thou shalt not find fault.

Thou shalt not visit them too frequently, and never enter their home without knocking.

Thou shalt not expect them to visit you too often.

Thou shalt not give advice unless requested.

Thou shalt not mention how much you look forward to grandchildren.

Thou shalt respect their taste in home decorating, though it differs from your own.

Thou shalt petition daily the Heavenly Father, in whose love they abide, for their happiness.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After 30 years of reading your column, I am impelled to respond to "Seen It in Seattle," the letter regarding the St. Bernard who was teased by a neighbor child until it turned vicious and finally had to be euthanized.

I am sorely troubled by that letter. Do you realize how many systematic acts of cruelty that would have taken, especially for a breed as placid and gentle as a St. Bernard?

One has to ask -- where were the parents, the neighbors, the owners of the dog? Why would so many people look on impassively while a tethered animal was tortured into insanity? The way the helpless are treated is the measure of a society.

People of good will and conscience MUST speak up when they witness abuse. Abby, please encourage readers to be a voice for the voiceless. -- PUZZLED IN CORAL SPRINGS, FLA.

DEAR PUZZLED: I already do -- and with the help of people like you I will continue to do so. All that is needed for evil to thrive is for people of good will to look the other way. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This concerns the letter about the child's cruelty to the St. Bernard. This is a difficult letter to write because, as a child, I physically abused cats and dogs. It was not because I had a "conduct disorder" -- it was because I myself was beaten and sexually molested by my father on a regular basis from the time I was 4 years old until I was a young teen-ager.

The pain I caused those animals haunts me to this day. For the past several years, I have volunteered at my local animal shelter. I have also rescued cats and dogs. It's a small way to make amends for what I did as a child.

The reason for my letter is to warn adults not to just look at the child who is abusing the animals, but to look at who could possibly be abusing the child. -- SURVIVOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SURVIVOR: You have written a powerful letter. A child who abuses animals -- or other children -- desperately needs intervention and professional help. You are not the only reader to point out that this could indicate abuse in the household. Children from healthy, loving families rarely become abusers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The first cruelty in this case was keeping the poor dog tied up all day every day. If the dog's owners could not provide a fenced yard, they should never have taken the dog.

The late, famed anthropologist Margaret Mead said: "One of the most dangerous things that can happen to a child is to torture or kill an animal and get away with it."

The child in this case needs help and isn't getting it, and -- as is usually the sad case -- the poor dog paid the price after having suffered for so long. -- ELEANOR J., COTTONDALE, ALA.

DEAR ELEANOR: Anyone who sees an animal being abused should telephone the SPCA, animal control and/or the police. If the perpetrator doesn't get help, a child could be next.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Troubled in Connecticut" about what to call her in-laws reminded me of a funny story.

After my husband and I were married, he asked my mother what he should call her. Her reply was, "Your Majesty will do." -- HAPPY IN HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR HAPPY: I like her sense of humor. Apparently your "Queen Mother" recognized a prince when she saw one.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: What has happened to the art of conversation? My husband and I practically run away from some people -- not because of what they are saying, but how much they talk.

We were having dinner in a restaurant recently, and a new acquaintance came in alone. We invited him to join us, and from that moment on, we never spoke again -- just listened as the man droned on and on nonstop. I couldn't believe he could talk and eat at the same time. Another time, a relative we hadn't seen in about 15 years came to our home for dinner. He sat down at our table and proceeded to talk, talk, talk. When he left five hours later, I told my husband that other than knowing where we live, he doesn't know a thing about us.

I have read about young men and women who, even though they are educated, cannot get dates. Perhaps they should ask themselves when they are with new people, who is doing the talking? Both of them? Or is one of them dominating the conversation so there isn't any real give-and-take of ideas?

Please, people: Ask questions about the person you are with. Wait for an answer before jumping in again. I guarantee you'll have friends all around you instead of people walking backward to get out of your range. -- HEARD ENOUGH IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.

DEAR HEARD ENOUGH: I agree. Being a good listener will do more for a person's popularity rating than being a good talker. People enjoy talking about themselves and their interests if given the chance. And they usually regard the person who's an appreciative audience as a fascinating conversationalist.

Some individuals talk incessantly out of nervousness or because they're compulsive talkers. However, to turn a conversation into a soliloquy is selfish. One of the most appealing traits a person can have is a sincere interest in other people. A person who comes into your company and does all the talking is no less a hog than the person who comes to your table and eats all the food.

DEAR ABBY: I am a day-care provider in Maryland with a touchy problem. The parents of one of my charges (he's 12 months old) have him in an unsafe car seat. It's an infant rear-facing seat for tiny babies that they have turned forward. He hangs over the edges, and I can't even see how it's attached by the seat belt, if it is at all. This child weighs 20 pounds and needs a proper car seat.

If anything happened to him because I didn't say something, I would never forgive myself. But I don't think it's my place to butt in. These are wonderful people, and I really care about their kids. Please advise me. -- DAY-CARE DILEMMA

DEAR D.D.: Speak up. The parents can be excused for their ignorance, but there is no excuse for keeping silent when you know a child is in danger -- and that child is in danger every time he is placed in his parents' car. Please don't procrastinate.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)