DEAR ABBY: In October of 1998, my best friend died of cancer. She was only 27, and had a long, hard, three-year battle with the disease that eventually made it impossible for her to talk and left her in constant pain until the day she died. She fought hard. She wanted to live for the sake of her two children.

She was the friend I had searched for all my life. We shared everything.

As she was nearing the end, she would ask me, "Am I dying?" And I would reply that she was not. For reasons I will never understand, her mother, husband and physician had decided it was better not to tell her she was going to die soon. The cancer had spread to her liver, and she was well aware that she would die in the absence of a miracle. There was so much she could have done to prepare, and she could have said goodbye to her children.

I am still consumed with guilt for having concealed the truth from my friend. I am nervous all the time and have trouble concentrating and sleeping. I keep repeating in my mind all of the feelings I could have shared with my friend.

I try to occupy my mind -- I work, read, write a journal of the thoughts I would have liked to share with her and try to enjoy life. But the depression overwhelms me. I am not sure if I need therapy or medication so I can stop feeling so anxious and can sleep through the night.

I feel embarrassed and weak for being unable to handle this on my own. You are my last hope. Please help me. -- GRIEVING IN L.A.

DEAR GRIEVING: Please don't blame yourself for having not told your friend that she was dying. Although I do not agree with their thinking, you did as her family dictated you must. Your friend was an adult, and, in my opinion, entitled to an honest answer so that she could spend her short and precious time as she wished, made her peace and provided letters for her children. I suspect some families prefer to avoid disclosing a terminal diagnosis because they are unable to come to terms with their own feelings and fears about it.

Short-term medication, under a doctor's supervision, may be helpful. Call your doctor and ask for a referral to a psychotherapist who can help you work through your unresolved guilt and grief. A grief support group could be helpful. To locate one, ask your doctor or clergyperson, or inquire at the nearest hospital.

DEAR ABBY: On Sunday, April 30, my wife called me into the living room to read me a letter from your column. As she read it aloud, I could not hold back the tears. It was the letter from Peter Tran about that day being Memorial Day for the end of the Vietnam War.

I was deeply touched by Mr. Tran's words of gratitude as I reflected back to the year I spent in Vietnam. While I was there, I had witnessed underlying hatred for our being there and ruining the beautiful terrain that existed before the war. It was as though we were fighting a war of no purpose. I am sure other vets felt the same way.

I want to thank Mr. Tran for opening a door that had been tightly closed for many years. It has given me some sense of closure to the many questions I have had about our presence in Vietnam. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer feel guilty for having been there. I now feel that it was worth the effort. -- DAVID MICHENER, PUYALLUP, WASH.

DEAR DAVID: I'm pleased that the letter brought you closure.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Now that summer is here, please remind your readers never to leave their dogs or other pets in their cars -- even for "just a minute." I understand that owners may think they will be gone only a brief period and the animal will be OK, but it takes only three minutes for the inside of a car to become much hotter than it is outside. In such heat, the pet's body can shut down, and it will die.

Animals do not have a voice to ask owners to take good care of them, so I'm asking. All animals should be loved and protected. I urge owners to have as much compassion for their family pets as they do for their own children. -- MRS. RANDI ARONSON, HOWELL, N.J.

DEAR RANDI: It's true that the temperature inside an automobile can build up quickly in these summer months -- and the "just a minute" can result in a tragedy.

While I'm on the subject of pets and climate, outdoor pet houses should be placed in the shade, and plenty of cool, fresh water should be provided in bowls that cannot tip over. Hint: Metal bowls cause the water to heat quite rapidly; conversely, in the winter, they chill the water to the point that it may freeze, making it inaccessible to the animal.

Thousands of readers responded to the letter in my column about pets being listed in obituaries, and volunteered that their pets are special friends or a part of the family.

Pet owners, please remember that your pets need proper care and love. Do not tie your pet in the yard and neglect it. Should you see that someone's pet is being subjected to this kind of neglect, notify the proper authorities.

A final thought: Please neuter or spay your cats and dogs. Neutered animals make better pets, and this act of love will alleviate the tragedy of thousands of unwanted animals being euthanized each year. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In reference to the letter about making provisions for your pet's future in case of your illness or death, you should know that The Humane Society of the United States (HSUS) offers a free brochure, "Planning for Your Pet's Future Without You." It includes information on long-term and permanent care for your pet, selection of a permanent caregiver, sample language for pet care instructions in your will, and advice on seeking legal assistance.

More than 64 million cats and 62 million dogs live in our households. They are obviously important members of the American family. No one expects to fall ill or become disabled and unable to care for our beloved pets. I urge pet owners to take the time now to plan for their pet's future in case of emergency.

For a copy of our free brochure, write: The Humane Society of the United States, Code PF2000, 2100 L St. NW, Washington, DC 20037. Include a self-addressed, stamped envelope. You can also download the information from our Web site: www.hsus.org. -- NANCY PETERSON, HUMANE SOCIETY OF THE UNITED STATES

DEAR NANCY: If the number of letters I receive from readers who love their pets is any indication, get ready for a huge response to your generous offer. Thank you for this important information.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My letter concerns the one from "Steve in Minnesota," who wrote about teen-age pregnancy. I understand why he says people don't realize how difficult parenthood is until they find out the hard way. Once it happens, their lives are changed forever. However, these points should be made to young people before they decide to have children. What does it say to those who are already parents?

I am a 17-year-old mother of a beautiful 8-month-old daughter. Teen-age mothers are often perceived as young girls who have ruined our lives. However, we haven't ruined our lives -- we have just made them a little more complicated.

I earned my high school diploma and work at a great job in an office where I make far more than minimum wage. I will soon start college to pursue my dream of becoming a registered nurse.

I played with fire and have to deal with the consequences. Having kids is a responsibility not to be taken lightly, but it's not the end of the world. There are plenty of places that help young mothers achieve their goals and open up windows of opportunity. -- OPTIMISTIC IN TEXAS

DEAR OPTIMISTIC: I commend you for your maturity. Children should be considered a blessing -- not a punishment for sexual irresponsibility.

Many counties in the United States have family social service agencies that offer classes in parenting skills to teen-age parents, maternal and child health-care clinics, job training, and individual and family counseling. However, not all very young parents are up to the task of meeting the challenges you have so responsibly assumed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Steve in Minnesota," may I share my experience? I am the result of a teen-age pregnancy. My parents dropped out of high school to marry six months before I was born. My sister was born three years later. Within a year of her birth, my parents divorced. I did not have a happy childhood.

My parents had little patience with children. Mother gave custody to my father because she wanted to return to school. She eventually earned an engineering degree and has a successful career, but I seldom saw her as I was growing up.

My father never completed high school and was frequently unemployed. Both my parents had many problems to deal with because they became parents at such a young age.

I am now a parent myself. I waited until I was mature enough to handle it. I can't imagine being a mother at 17, like my mother was -- but I know I wouldn't have been as good a parent as I am now. My husband is a terrific father and our daughter is a happy, well-adjusted child. -- GROWN-UP MOM IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR MOM: I hope that teens who read your letter will heed its cautionary message. Although the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the Western world, contrary to popular belief, American teens did NOT invent sex. I have read that teens in Europe are more sexually active. However, because Europeans are far more open about discussing sex within families, their teen-agers behave more like adults than those in the United States. When European teens reach 16 or 17, they are expected to behave responsibly about sexual matters and visit family planning clinics to obtain information and contraceptives as needed. Perhaps we should take a page out of their book.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)