DEAR ABBY: After my dad died several years ago, I wrote a tribute to him. My friends, some of them former Marines like me, said it expressed what they felt and remembered about their fathers.

I seldom see published tributes by sons to their fathers. Perhaps it's not macho to write such poems. If you feel this amateurish effort should be shared with others, I'd be honored to see it in your column on Father's Day. -- WILLIAM W. BARTSCH JR., KINGS PARK, N.Y.

DEAR WILLIAM: You have written a beautiful tribute, and I'm pleased to share it with my readers on this holiday. Read on:

REMEMBERING DAD

A soft scratch of whiskers pressed on my face,

Bear-hugging squeezes

A rough gentle grace.

Running and racing, letting me win,

Falling asleep

My cheek on his chin.

The strong smell of work, of tools and of sweat,

Of dust and of rust

I'll never forget.

After-shave lotion, paint cans and pails,

Tie clips and cufflinks,

Galvanized nails.

Basements and attics, out-of-date ties,

Oceans and rivers

Fished at sunrise.

Whiskers grew grayer, yet scratched just the same,

And wrinkles were etched

On a more fragile frame.

Oh, how I long for that rough-whiskered kiss,

That sweet scratch of love

So dearly I miss.

DEAR ABBY: Raising children takes patience and a lot of humor. I'm passing this tongue-in-cheek tribute to fathers along to you hoping that you will print it for Father's Day. -- A FRIEND IN IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR FRIEND: It is both humorous and touching, and oh, so true. I'm pleased to share it:

A TRIBUTE TO FATHERS

My father when I was age ...

4: My daddy can do anything.

5: My daddy knows a whole lot.

6: My dad is smarter than your dad.

8: My dad doesn't exactly know everything.

10: In the olden days when my dad grew up, things were sure different.

12: Oh, well naturally, Father doesn't know anything about that. He is too old to remember his childhood.

14: Don't pay attention to my father. He is so old-fashioned!

21: Him? My Lord, he's hopelessly out-of-date.

25: Dad knows a little bit about it, but then he should because he has been around so long.

30: Maybe we should ask Dad what he thinks. After all, he's had a lot of experience.

35: I'm not doing a single thing until I talk to Dad.

40: I wonder how Dad would have handled it. He was so wise and had a world of experience.

50: I'd give anything if Dad were here now so I could talk this over with him. Too bad I didn't appreciate how smart he was. I could have learned a lot from him.

-- ANONYMOUS

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old college freshman living at home. I can't afford to move out, but my mother is driving me crazy!

If I didn't resist, she would take my hand and lead me through the rest of my life. She still tries to pick all of my friends and make every single decision for me. Worst of all, she comes looking for me to see if I'm where I'm supposed to be, and who I am talking to.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. I don't know how I would have made it this far without her. But how can I get through to her that I want to be my own person, and it's time to "let me go"? -- HAD IT WITH MOM

DEAR HAD IT: Your mother loves you, but she is carrying it too far. Show her one of my favorite poems from "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran. It has helped more than a few overly protective parents "let go."

ON CHILDREN

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love, but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

"You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite and he bends you to his might that his arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; for even as he loves the arrow that flies, so he loves also the bow that is stable."

DEAR ABBY: I recently discovered something strange about my fiance. "Tim" is 18 years old and lives with his parents. Yesterday, in order to show his mother something he had purchased, he walked in on her while she was taking a bath. I was shocked!

I don't understand why he couldn't have waited for her to finish her bath and get dressed. He says it is "no big deal," and it's "not a problem" for his mother. Apparently this is acceptable in their home.

In my family, once we reached a certain age, private things became private, and taking a bath was one of them!

Tim has a 16-year-old sister. It makes me wonder what he does in front of her -- and she in front of him.

I feel very strange knowing that they can walk in on each other in the bathroom. I am certainly not jealous of his mother, but isn't this unusual?

Does everyone just do whatever they want in front of their family members -- even private things? -- MORE MODEST IN MISSOURI

DEAR MORE MODEST: Apparently in Tim's home nobody locks the bathroom door. In some cultures, families bathe together -- parents and children -- in the same "tub."

Before you marry, make it clear to Tim how you feel about family modesty -- or purchase a bolt for your bathroom door.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Disgusted in Indiana" was outraged because listing a pet in an obituary "elevates animals to the level of human beings"? What a mistaken idea.

Animals don't tell the "bad things" they remember about their friends. Animals don't push to be first in line for the reading of the will. In fact, all this man's animals will do is to honestly mourn their loss without regard for material gain.

I agree with "Disgusted" that not "everybody" be listed in the obituary. I say, name the dogs and omit those high and mighty "elevated" human beings. -- DISGUSTED WITH PEOPLE IN L.A.

DEAR DISGUSTED WITH PEOPLE: You're entitled to your opinion, but I'm not for excluding any soul who mourns for the deceased. That letter brought phenomenal response. I'm only sorry that space limitations prevent me from printing more of them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am 79, an only child, as was my husband. We were childless. Our pets were our "family." In my husband's obituary, I listed myself as wife of 58 years, and his three furry companions as survivors. A friend once described our pets as "furry people." I agree. They don't lie, cheat, drink or abuse; they only provide love and companionship. -- LILLIAN STAFFORD, FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps "Disgusted" is blessed with a loving family. How wonderful! However, my husband's children are rude, obnoxious and selfish. We hear from them only when they want something.

Our pets, on the other hand, are loving, affectionate, and always glad to see us. I hope their names are in my obituary, and his children's are not! -- GEORGIA ANIMAL LOVER

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the reader who thought it was sacrilegious to list the names of the deceased's pets in the obituary -- let's blow his mind. In Las Vegas, there is a pet cemetery where human remains can be buried right next to their pets who have gone on ahead. I know, because I have a friend who took that route. -- MARION PAYNE, LAS VEGAS

DEAR ABBY: I know the family "Disgusted" wrote about. The man died suddenly and unexpectedly. He and his wife had no children; instead they bred champion dogs. The dogs were an important part of their lives.

I'm sure the obituary was a great comfort to family and friends, and I applaud the afternoon newspaper that chose to run it, especially after the morning paper had declined.

There are many definitions of "family" other than what appears in Webster's Dictionary. I see no reason why "man's best friend" should not be included. -- TEXAS CAT LOVER

DEAR ABBY: "Disgusted" would have had a heart attack if she had attended a wedding I did in Pasadena, Calif., years ago. The daughter of a well-to-do family was being married in an elaborate church ceremony. When the minister asked, "Who gives this woman in marriage?" the bride's father answered in a rather loud voice, "Rex and I do." "Rex" was the family dog who had been considered a part of the family for more than 10 years.

The father had joked about saying it -- but no one was sure he actually would. Well, he did, and there were many smiles in the congregation -- including the bride's and groom's. -- AMUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AMUSED: I'm surprised the guests didn't howl with laughter. (I couldn't resist.)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)