DEAR ABBY: I have a problem. I am 18 years old, and somehow got myself into the awkward situation of having two dates to the prom!

A few weeks ago, I was asked by a sophomore boy whom I am sort of friends with. I waited awhile before accepting because I really wanted to go with this cute guy who's in college, but I was too afraid to ask him.

Well, last night I got up the courage to talk to my college friend, and he said he would really like to go to the prom with me!

Now I am in a predicament. I would much rather go to the prom with the college guy, but I don't want to hurt the sophomore boy's feelings. What should I do? -- SENIOR IN A PANIC

DEAR SENIOR: If you break the prom date after having accepted the invitation, you will cause hurt feelings -- and it's very late for him to ask someone else.

Act like the adult you are. Honor your commitment to the young man whose invitation you accepted. It's the proper and considerate thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurting Heart" said she was upset that her husband told her he would evaluate the situation before committing to jump into the ocean to save her from drowning. Well, I agree with her husband.

I was trained as a lifeguard, and the husband's response made a great deal of sense to me. One of the key points stressed in lifesaving is the importance of evaluating the situation carefully before attempting a rescue.

A drowning person becomes a very different and dangerous individual. While in a state of panic and confusion, people have been known to drown the lifesaver! It is dangerous for even a well-trained lifeguard to attempt a rescue, which is why the training course is so rigorous.

Should the wife drown her rescuing husband, their four children would be orphaned -- which would truly be a senseless tragedy. That wife should borrow a little of her husband's common sense, instead of thinking only of herself. -- S.J.B. IN TORONTO

DEAR S.J.B.: The wife should have exercised some common sense and not asked the "what if" question -- and the husband should have used common sense by softening his honest, but tactless, answer. In the interest of water safety, whenever families are playing near water, there should always be a life preserver to toss for just such emergencies.

DEAR ABBY: If you are entertaining guests and the telephone rings, should you answer it, politely tell the caller that you have guests, and ask if you can call back at a more convenient time? -- WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING

DEAR WANT: Yes. It is impolite to carry on a telephone conversation while guests are waiting. Some people resolve this question by letting their answering machine take calls while they're entertaining.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I agree with your answer to "Caught in the Middle," whose new girlfriend resents his ex-wife's being present for their 6-year-old son's special days. Throughout the many years that I have been married to my second husband, we have welcomed his two ex-wives, my three stepchildren and all their spouses to join us for special occasions as an all-inclusive extended family. There have been a few instances when none of the children were able to join us for a holiday celebration, but we were pleased that the ex-wives still attended. Our extended family has enriched our lives.

Divorce between parents needn't mean one of them must also separate from the children -- the parental relationship still remains.

Rather than disrupting an apparently cordial relationship that is being maintained for the benefit of a young boy, the new girlfriend should realize that the mother's interest in sharing time with her child for holiday events that include other family members isn't "weird." To deny the ex-wife access to her son's special activities would be detrimental to all concerned. -- MARY JANE SCHONEBERGER, PHOENIX

DEAR MARY JANE: Were it within my power to do so, I would nominate you for a Medal of Common Sense and Magnanimity. You are terrific, and your husband is a lucky man.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you will print this for the poor teen-age girl who was ridiculed for not wearing a bra. I suggest that she's simply more sophisticated than her ignorant classmates, and also the average 16-year-old.

I have been a fashion model for more than 20 years. Understanding the proper undergarments -- or an appropriate lack thereof -- is an elementary concept to anyone in the fashion industry or even a well-groomed person in general.

Although it would be inappropriate for a buxom woman to go braless, I occasionally teach modeling to teens, and it's like pulling teeth to get them to understand that while modesty should, of course, be preserved, sometimes ALL undergarments have to come off. Any lines under clothing or display of underwear that is not part of a "look" and clearly intended to show, is a no-no.

How sad that people persist in being unnecessarily unkind over insignificant matters when that energy could so easily be channeled to do good in the world. It's time for her "friends" to grow up. -- DEBBI IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DEBBI: You're absolutely right. Her classmates' obsession with her underwear -- or lack of it -- shows a lack of more important things to think about. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion for the poor "braless" girl who is facing cruelty at school.

This may be a perfect opportunity to expose her ignorant classmates to the history of women's lib in America. Many of her classmates can look forward to career opportunities that may have remained inaccessible without the activism of braless, unshaven women in the late '60s.

You go, girl! -- LISA MELYAN, PORTLAND, ORE.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Over the years, you have honored the men and women who have served our country in military service. As the widow of a military man, I want to express my gratitude. For the past two years, I have taken part in the ceremonies in Arlington Cemetery and at the Wall in Washington, D.C., and found them emotionally moving. Our country is free because young men and women in the service sacrificed their lives for their beloved America.

So often the "forgotten" ones are the wives and children left behind by the death of the military person. After World War II, four war widows felt the need to establish an organization called Gold Star Wives of America for widows whose husbands died on active duty, or who died as a result of disabilities incurred while on active duty. It was incorporated in the state of New York in December of 1945. The organization has worked to preserve and to institute government programs pertaining to the welfare of the widows and their children.

We need to reach the widows who have married again, and lost a second husband, with some good news. Their benefits can be reinstated by contacting their state director of veteran affairs.

Abby, will you be the bearer of these good tidings? It could be beneficial to thousands. -- FLORANCE B. HERBERT, NATIONAL PRESIDENT EMERITUS

DEAR FLORANCE: That's important news, and I am pleased to pass it along.

For further information, military widows may write: Gold Star Wives of America Inc., 5510 Columbia Pike, Suite 205, Arlington, VA 22204. Please enclose a long, stamped, self-addressed envelope. The organization also has a Web site: www.goldstarwives.org.

DEAR ABBY: "Joel," my husband of 40 years, and I sleep in different bedrooms because he snores. He has a job that requires him to get up at 4 a.m. After he showers and gets dressed, he comes into my room to say goodbye.

Abby, in the process of saying goodbye, Joel feels for my face to kiss me and ends up leaning on my throat, poking me in the eye or pulling my hair. I naturally become frightened and jump, which causes him to clunk me again!

I have asked him countless times to allow me to sleep, but he still comes in to adjust my covers or rub my feet, both of which WAKE ME UP! I have tried locking my door, but then he plays with the dog outside my door, causing her to bark, and that WAKES ME UP!

I have tried getting up early with him, but I just can't function the rest of the day. I told him that waking me up early is a form of abuse, but he refuses to listen.

Any ideas? -- SLEEPLESS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Face it. Your husband is doing this deliberately. He resents your not getting up to be with him. Since he wakes you anyway, perhaps you should get up to see him off, and then take an afternoon siesta.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "AFRAID TO BREAK OUT OF MY RUT": The biggest human temptation is ... to settle for too little." (Thomas Merton, 1915-1968)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)