DEAR ABBY: I have been asked to speak on behalf of my family at my mother's wedding. She is 75 and her future husband -- whom I've never met -- is 77. I am 42 and the youngest of three children.

My father passed away four years ago after nearly 50 years of marriage to my mother. Mother is marrying a man she has known for only three months. She says she is planning "the wedding she never had" when she married my father.

Three hundred guests have been invited to watch her walk down the aisle in a long white wedding gown. She's arranged for numerous attendants, two flower girls and a ring bearer.

Although my brother is totally against the marriage, he will attend. My sister is all for it. I would like to get out of it, but my mother has laid a "guilt trip" on me, and I agreed to speak at the reception.

What can I say that will make everyone happy? -- SPEECHLESS IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Toast the couple. Speak about your joy that your mother has found happiness. Talk about how terrific she is, how much she is loved by her family, and what an exemplary wife this man is getting. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my fiance for nearly two years. We are being married in a few months. He was raised in a male-dominated family, and he treats me like a daughter he can boss around, instead of his future wife.

We've talked about this many times. He truly believes that he is "taking care of me" and "protecting me for my own good." I appreciate his intentions, but his approach makes me angry.

I was raised in a home where we were all treated equally, and I had been taking care of myself long before I met him.

I love him, and I know he loves me, but how can I make him realize that I don't think it's cute when he treats me like the "inferior sex"? -- MAIDEN IN MARYLAND

DEAR MAIDEN: Put him on notice and tell him seriously how much his boorish behavior is resented, and you're afraid that if he doesn't change, it will destroy your relationship.

Postpone your wedding plans until you are absolutely certain he will treat you like an adult and an equal partner.

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter concerning the elimination of Morse code by government and commercial agencies, and I want you to know that I am glad I knew Morse code for "SOS." Cell and digital phones don't always work in the boondocks!

I'm a female in my mid-30s. One night a few years ago, my cousin and I were driving through Oklahoma on a lonely, dark stretch of road. When I ran out of gas, I turned on my emergency flashers, but nobody stopped. After waiting for approximately an hour without getting any help, I decided to use Morse code. I flashed "SOS" to several big trucks going by, and within 10 minutes, a state trooper pulled up. He said several people had called and reported seeing me blink "SOS." (Nobody called about the emergency blinkers!) -- DOTS AND DASHES IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DOTS AND DASHES: I am pleased that the truckers in Oklahoma knew Morse code and helped rescue you and your cousin from a potentially dangerous situation.

Your letter proves that sometimes the old methods are still the best.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been an intensive care nurse for more than 20 years, and I wholeheartedly agree with the poem you printed, "Let Me Go." Too often patients are kept alive under impossible circumstances.

I must take exception, however, to the phrase that pleads for the "doctor" to let go. That is not the case today. Rather, it is the FAMILIES who cannot let go and insist that the doctors continue heroic measures. They put the doctors in an impossible position. In our litigious society, doctors press on for fear of being punished in court.

Doctors should be honest with family members about the course of the patient's disease so that informed decisions can be made regarding the patient's care and possible withdrawal of treatment. There comes a point when treatment should stop. Pressing on may serve only the needs of those making the request, and not the needs of the patient.

Letting go can be an unselfish act of love for the patient. -- MICHELLE STUART, LAKE FOREST PARK, WASH.

DEAR MICHELLE: It is important that there be honest and ongoing communication between doctors, patients and families. The best doctors answer questions honestly and do not try to "protect" the patient and family by giving them "false hope." They know when to say that the prognosis is not good, and there are no treatment options left.

With empathy and sensitivity, doctors, nurses and social workers can help the patient and family make the decision to "let go," and when the time comes, to concentrate on pain relief and quality of life.

DEAR ABBY: The sentiment in "Let Me Go," the poem that you recently published, is one that we hear a lot at The Hemlock Society. Fortunately, we can offer solutions to suffering people and their families that can empower them.

Knowing there is a choice about whether to go on, or to die with peace and dignity at the time they chose, often extends life and relieves anxiety. There is no reason why the end of life should be the one time that people dread.

The late Supreme Court Justice William Brennan put it this way: "Dying is personal ... and it is profound. For many, the thought of an ignoble end, steeped in decay, is abhorrent. A quiet, proud death, bodily integrity intact, is a matter of extreme consequence."

We agree, and The Hemlock Society can help. -- FAYE GIRSH, PRESIDENT

DEAR FAYE: I am pleased to publish The Hemlock Society's mission: "To maximize the options for a good death, including legalizing physician aid in dying for terminally ill, mentally competent adults who request it, under careful safeguards."

Readers who would like further information can write The Hemlock Society, P.O. Box 101810, Denver, CO 80250-1810. The Web site is: www.hemlock.org; and e-mail: hemlock@privatei.com.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "HATES TO ASK, BUT NEEDS TO KNOW": "There aren't any embarrassing questions -- just embarrassing answers." (Carl T. Rowan Jr., former diplomat and respected journalist)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, our neighbor owned a St. Bernard that was usually tied up outside the house. It was teased almost daily by another neighbor's vicious child, until it turned mean. (St. Bernards by nature are very friendly dogs.)

One day the dog got loose and bit my 10-year-old brother as he was walking home from school. The animal's jaws surrounded my brother's upper thigh completely, and the puncture wounds were half an inch deep.

Luckily, my brother did not develop tetanus or any other complications, and he recovered completely, with only some scars to show for the experience. The same can't be said for the dog or the mean neighbor child. The child grew up to be a nasty adult who is now in prison. The dog eventually was euthanized -- absolutely not at my family's request. We were angry at the horrible boy, not the poor dog.

Children who torture animals are likely to grow into criminal adults, so parents should teach their children at an early age to be kind to animals as well as people. -- SEEN IT IN SEATTLE

DEAR SEEN IT: Persistent cruelty to animals warrants a thorough evaluation by a psychiatrist or psychologist with expertise in children to determine the cause -- and the sooner the better.

I checked with child psychiatrist Lori Zukerman, M.D., in Los Angeles, who confirmed that persistent teasing of a confined and helpless animal by a child should be of concern to parents, because it may be a symptom of a psychiatric illness such as conduct disorder.

Conduct disorder is characterized by anti-social behavior and is frequently associated with poor self-esteem, poor frustration tolerance, lack of empathy, risk-taking behaviors, and impairments in daily functioning and relationships.

Studies suggest that many children with conduct disorder will have a diagnosis of anti-social personality as adults and/or they will be at risk for mood disorders, anxiety disorders and substance abuse in adulthood.

DEAR ABBY: Last summer when our son was 13 months old, we visited my in-laws in another state. While there, we went out to their lake place, where they keep an older, somewhat rundown boat. After dinner, my father-in-law, who had consumed a couple of beers, wanted us all to hop in the boat and go for a spin around the lake.

Since there was no infant life jacket available (the type with a special neck support that is meant to keep an infant's head above water), I refused. My father-in-law became infuriated and proceeded to berate me because none of the other daughters-in-law with small children had a problem with taking their kids in the boat without life jackets. My husband supported my position; however, since then my father-in-law has been rude and condescending toward me.

Given the fact that this man had a couple of drinks and the boat is old, I just didn't want to take any chances. Every year we hear about boating accidents where people might have survived if they had been wearing a life jacket. Was I out of line? And what do I do about my father-in-law? -- CAREFUL MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CAREFUL: You were not out of line. You were behaving the way a conscientious parent should. Even if your father-in-law had an infant life jacket, you should never get in a boat navigated by someone who has been drinking.

Your father-in-law was talking through his beer and behaving like a spoiled child. You can't change him -- he is the only person who can do that. Keep your distance until he cleans up his act and apologizes.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)