DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine complains that her husband, who's in his 80s, talks far too much in social settings. She says his ramblings and storytelling threaten to ruin their social life, which consists of small, private dinners and the occasional cocktail reception. She says if she doesn't shut him up, their friends will shun them because they've heard all his stories before. However, he has either forgotten this -- or relishes so much in the telling that he repeats them anyway.

To fix this, she's preparing a written list of subjects -- family, job, etc. -- that he's absolutely forbidden to discuss when they're socializing.

Some who know about this think it's a good idea and the only way for her to avoid more embarrassment and discomfort. Others feel it's an insult to her husband, and the real risk is not the couple's social standing, but her own marriage.

Who's right? -- CURIOUS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CURIOUS: I wish you had given me more information in your letter. Was the husband always this way? Could it be that he's become forgetful, or has had some small stroke? Or is he just a chatterbox who loves the sound of his own voice? At the very least, he needs a complete physical and mental status examination.

It's unrealistic to believe this man will carry his wife's list with him at all times and consult it before opening his mouth. Besides, true friends will reflect upon his positive traits and the friendship he has bestowed upon them in the past if his stories are repetitive or boring. And there is no law that says topics that have been discussed before can't be discussed again.

Whether the marriage will withstand her criticism depends upon the extent of his tolerance for her criticism. But he's a little old to trade her in.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter from the woman in Grand Prairie, Texas, who was a victim of "drug rape."

I am a deputy district attorney in San Diego, and her history is all too familiar. We see a number of cases just like hers, and she is right -- they are very difficult to prosecute. That is why the San Diego district attorney's office is launching a rape awareness campaign designed to educate young women about the dangers of drug- and alcohol-facilitated rape. The campaign consists of television and radio ads, posters, billboards and literature. Our hopes are that young women will become more aware of these dangerous predators out there who appear harmless. They are, simply put: RAPISTS.

Whether a victim was raped because she was surreptitiously slipped a drug or she took the drugs voluntarily, rape is rape. So, if you and your friends go out for the evening, watch out for each other. If a friend looks like she's had too much to drink, or looks like she can't take care of herself, take care of her -- before someone else does.

And if, despite your best precautions, you become a victim -- please go to your local police and report this crime. -- LISA WEINREB, DEPUTY D.A., SAN DIEGO

DEAR LISA: I applaud you for your rape awareness campaign, and hope other communities will follow suit. While I agree that a rape victim should report her assault to the police, I would also advise her to head straight for the nearest emergency room so she can be treated and evidence can be collected.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest today that you have a "secret weapon" -- a librarian at the Hollywood library. Thank you for broaching the subject of public libraries finding information for people.

Perhaps you could let your readers know that anyone, not just media celebrities, can get virtually any information through their local public library. In California (and many other states), if your local library can't find a piece of information, a published item, an old song, a definition, an address or repair manual -- they have "second-level reference centers" to which they can refer the question. These second-level centers are staffed by professional reference librarians who will go to great lengths to track down whatever is needed.

They use not only the print resources of our host library and the World Wide Web, but they call and fax corporations and other organizations, e-mail all over the world, confer with colleagues in special-interest libraries, and appeal for assistance on librarians' e-mail lists -- to name only a few of the sources. They also research questions in nearby libraries and farm out some questions to other centers with strengths in certain areas.

Many people, unfortunately, do not ask for assistance from a librarian because they don't want to bother her or him, or because they don't think their question is important enough. Librarians are in this line of work because we enjoy helping people find what they need, and we welcome the opportunity to provide information.

Thank you, Abby, for promoting library services -- they encompass far more than just books and videos! -- CHRIS GALLERY, SANTA BARBARA, CALIF.

DEAR CHRIS: I'm pleased to promote library services. Our libraries house a wealth of information -- not to mention entertainment -- for anyone with an inquiring mind. It's all there for anyone with a thirst for knowledge.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "John in Santa Monica," who agreed to host his 17-year-old cousin for a week. I am not very close with one of my sisters. However, one day last year, her 14-year-old daughter, Lee, called to ask if she could spend the spring break with me.

I had separated from my husband recently and was on an extremely modest budget. I didn't have a lot of money to spend, but we didn't need it. The week that Lee spent with me turned out to be one of the best weeks of my life. Lee had so much fun that she returned for a week last summer.

In late October, Lee was killed in a house fire. I can't express how fortunate I feel to have spent those two weeks with her.

Please let John know that he should embrace the opportunity he has been given; he may never have it again. -- DAWN IN BLACKSHEAR, GA.

DEAR DAWN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your niece. You have written a powerful letter, and I'm sure that other readers besides John will appreciate the message you've conveyed so well.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Outraged," whose stepmother wanted to be buried between the woman's father and her birth mother, reminded me of the story about the man who remarried after his first wife died. He said when he died that he wanted to be buried between the two wives, "but tilt me toward Tillie." -- LOUISE IN LARGO, FLA.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: May I add a few thoughts regarding the letter from "Daughter of a Patient," who wrote to stress her concerns about health-care workers and hand-washing? I strongly confirm that health-care workers need to demonstrate frequent and proper hand-washing techniques. Gloves are required while performing invasive procedures such as starting an IV, drawing blood, changing a dressing, etc. But please do not assume that hand-washing did not occur if it was not done in the patient's visual field.

I have been an RN for more than 20 years. I wash my hands before and after patient contact -- always, without fail. Our institution does not allow us to use a patient's bathroom for our routine hygiene (unless our hands become soiled while in contact with that patient). Nurses, physicians and other health-care personnel in direct contact with patients generally use a central hand-washing area, such as in a nurse's station. In this case, patients and their families may never actually observe personnel washing their hands -- even though they have.

However, if a patient or family member actually sees a health-care worker going from one area to the next, one patient to the next and having direct skin contact with that patient, I suggest they report it immediately to the unit manager. A health-care worker is more likely to acquire an infectious disease from the public than the other way around. That's now twice the reason to observe good hand-washing techniques. -- INFORMED AND HYGIENIC RN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR INFORMED RN: The majority of mail I have received from medical personnel corroborates your statements. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In response to the letter about hand-washing by medical personnel -- yes, it probably could be better in some cases. I have been an RN for 12 years.

Just because a patient doesn't see me wash my hands, it doesn't mean I haven't done it just before I entered the room. I generally wash my hands at the nurses' station for several reasons. I don't believe a patient's room or bathroom is the most hygienic place for me to wash my hands before I assess the patient.

At my hospital, the soap kept in the nurses' station is a stronger germ killer than what is kept in the patient rooms. Furthermore, I often follow hand-washing with an antibacterial spray or lotion of my own. With the dramatic rise in antibiotic-resistant bacteria these days, such precautions not only protect patients, but also protect me. -- SUSAN KELLY, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty-five years ago, a group of veterinarians developed and patented a hand-washing device that would give a surgical scrub in 30 seconds. A portable model that could be placed on a cart and moved from room to room was available. Prototype models were proved effective by bacteriologic testing. Though several companies expressed interest, we were never able to bring the device to market.

While there have been tremendous advances in the medical field in the last 25 years, the age-old problem of contaminated hands, first described by Semmelweis in the 19th century, still persists. -- WILLIAM V. LUMB, DVM, PHD, FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR DR. LUMB: Unfortunately, you're right. And hand-washing is still the single most effective method of disease prevention. To quote an old saying, "The more things change, the more they remain the same."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)