DEAR ABBY: You gave incorrect information to your readers when you stated that oxygen was extremely flammable and the oxygen should be turned off whenever one smokes.

Oxygen does not burn, Abby. It supports combustion. Users of oxygen have their clothes saturated with oxygen, and this is the source of the danger. Their clothes can go up in flames because of it. That's why the rule is, "No smoking around an oxygen user." -- ERNEST R. SCHLACTER, M.D., WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR DR. SCHLACTER: Thank you for correcting my error. I have heard from several readers about it. I have seen signs that read "No smoking near oxygen" and assumed the reason was because it was flammable.

Now I would like to share some of the education I received about oxygen from John P. Skulavik, D.S., respiratory care practitioner and registered respiratory therapist. He is the regional director of environmental, health and safety for Airgas in Lakewood, Calif.:

"Oxygen is neither flammable nor combustible; however, it can make an existing fire burn faster. Therefore, it is important that there be at least a 25-foot distance between oxygen and any flames, sparks, heaters or other source of ignition. Oxygen should never be stored in a small closet or confined space as it could create a fire hazard.

"Smoking while using medical oxygen is a very dangerous practice and should never occur, unless one is anxious to be transported via ambulance to the burn unit, and/or checked into the inside of a refrigerator at the coroner's office."

He further explained that workers who use oxygen should never use pressurized oxygen to blow dust or debris off clothing or surfaces because items saturated with oxygen are a disaster waiting to happen.

You've heard the cliche, "If you play with fire, expect to get burned." Well, the same holds true for oxygen. While oxygen is necessary for life, used improperly it can become an instrument of death.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently remarried after 10 years apart. He is 70; I am 58. The subject is a delicate one.

During the last seven of our years apart, my husband was sexually inactive -- and unfortunately atrophy has set in. This is a generous and giving man, Abby, and we have a lot of physical love-sharing. The problem? He opposes Viagra. Not having "that" part of love-making available to us is an incredible loss for me. It is for him, too, I am certain. I pray about it and talk to friends, but nobody has offered us any help.

My questions for you are: Is it possible this male dysfunction thing will reverse itself? And are there other options besides Viagra? Given all the bad news, do you have any advice on how to cope with this? -- LOOKING FOR MIRACLES, MERIDIAN, MISS.

DEAR LOOKING: Male sexual dysfunction that persists for seven years rarely reverses itself without medical or psychological intervention. Your husband is long overdue for a complete physical examination, and if a cause isn't determined, he should ask for a referral to a urologist to determine the cause. And yes, there are other options besides Viagra. The doctor will be delighted to enlighten him.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is a late response to "Emotionally Bruised," whose mother was supercritical. My mother also says and does the most incredibly heartless things to us. When our father was alive, he used to cover for her as much as possible in order to keep peace in the family. Now that my father has passed away, my sister and I have had to deal with my mother's inappropriate behavior.

Due to a family blowup just before Thanksgiving (the first holiday since my father's passing), we got Mother to attend two therapy sessions with my sister and me. Mother was her usual heartless, mean self in front of the therapist, so he was able to get a clear picture of what we had been dealing with. Later, in a private session, the therapist gave me some valuable information. He explained that my mother is extremely narcissistic. She is not, nor will she ever be, able to become empathetic or understanding of others.

In many ways, it was wonderful to have the validation and acknowledgment from an outsider about my mother's behavior; however it also felt like a death sentence. The therapist advised me to do all I can to protect myself from my mother, but to never stop telling her that her words and actions are hurting me. My silence all these years had led her to believe that I accept and agree with her.

It is always tough standing up to this woman, and the fallout afterward is difficult. However, I am not giving up. If I do, my children, who have witnessed their grandmother's heartless behavior for many years, will think that it's OK to allow someone to use you as a doormat. -- DESERVES TO BE RESPECTED, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR DESERVES: The money you and your sister invested in the therapist was obviously well spent. I find it admirable that the two of you are able to tolerate your mother's company after having suffered her verbal abuse for so many years -- most victims wouldn't.

Since you have been advised that she is incapable of changing her behavior, it is essential that you "bullet-proof" your children if they are going to be exposed to her. They should not be led to believe that her behavior is something that should be expected from a mentally healthy person. Teach them that your mother suffers from a personality disorder, and they should not believe her when she says mean things.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a long-distance relationship with a man for a year and a half, but he lives with a 55-year-old jealous female housemate. He tells me she's jealous of all of his friends.

He has proposed marriage to me and said he would move to my state, but there has always been some delay. Now he has moved out of their house and into his own place -- but he moved his female housemate in with him because she suffered a heart attack. Where does that leave me? -- WONDERING IN MARYLAND

DEAR WONDERING: It leaves you on the outside looking in. There's another hen in the nest. Face it, whether he's married, or the same as married -- he's unavailable.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Concerning the letter from "Debra in Oklahoma City" whose father informed her that guns are still loaded when the clip is removed -- let me state my qualifications for writing. I am a former Army officer specializing in instructing small arms and hand-to-hand combat, and a former police officer.

Anyone who doesn't have the sense to open the action of his (or her) automatic weapon to remove any round left in the chamber -- as illustrated by the letter in your column -- should have second thoughts about owning one. Having a loaded weapon lying around if one has no intention of using it is asking for a disaster.

If someone knows nothing about firearms and has no interest in owning one, I have no quarrel with that. However, if someone has no knowledge of firearms and is intent on owning one -- PLEASE get qualified help before purchasing one! -- D.A.J., HERMISTON, ORE.

DEAR D.A.J.: Good advice from a weapons expert. Predictably, Debra's letter brought me a fusillade of mail. For a sample, read on:

DEAR ABBY: I hope no other family has to learn how true "Debra's" statement is about there being a bullet still in the chamber after the clip has been removed.

On Oct. 31, 1999, my 4-year-old and 2-year-old great-grandsons were playing with a 9 mm gun at their home. They found it in an unlocked case within their reach. The 2-year-old pulled the trigger and fatally shot the 4-year-old. Yes, the clip had been removed, but a bullet was still in the chamber.

Parents, please lock up those guns, because even a 2-year-old can fire a gun! -- GRIEVING GRANDMOTHER IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: I offer my sincere sympathy for the tragic loss that has befallen your family. I hope your chilling letter will be a wake-up call for those who need one. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It amazes me that someone with such little knowledge of firearms would purchase and carry a semiautomatic handgun. My brother-in-law, who is a responsible and knowledgeable gun owner, left a bullet in the chamber of his gun -- and accidentally shot himself in the hand. Even longtime gun owners can have accidents.

New gun owners should make it a priority to become familiar with their weapon. Go to a gun range and practice with it. Learn how to handle it safely. Learn proper storage of the weapon. The law states that all firearms must be stored out of the reach of children. Remember, what you hold in your hand has the power to take a life -- yours, a loved one's, or an innocent bystander's. -- RICK ETZ, COCOA, FLA.

DEAR RICK: It's frightening how often that law is misunderstood or ignored. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My only daughter and dearest friend, Tara, was killed three years ago by a man well-versed in gun safety. He's an ex-Marine and NRA member. As he sat in his apartment cleaning his guns, he failed to notice that one was loaded. The bullet penetrated the common wall and struck my daughter in the head.

The senselessness of my daughter's death and the resulting trauma will forever be in our lives. -- ANNE COAKLEY, BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR ANNE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. No parent should ever have to face the heartache of burying a child. Let's hope that your letter serves as an important lesson that could prevent a tragedy. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The level of ignorance in this country runs from street level to administrative. In U.S. News magazine, I recently saw a photograph of a table full of guns from a "buyback" -- with police officers and officials touting safer streets. Unfortunately, they forgot to ensure their own safety. Several of the weapons had their hammers back -- presumably ready to fire! -- DR. ALLAN QUERENS JR., METAIRIE, LA.

DEAR DR. QUERENS: So much for guns being safe in the hands of gun experts -- experts who should be more safety conscious.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)