DEAR ABBY: We have a problem with relatives not knowing when a visit should end. They call on weekend afternoons to say they'll be stopping over for an hour or so. Well, the couple of hours stretch into five or six, and then it's dinnertime.

How does one "push" these uninvited guests out the door so that we can proceed with our dinner? I'm not prepared for four, five or six dinner "guests" -- nor do I feel I should be.

It has become very stressful, since these are my husband's relatives and I must watch what I say, and I don't even want these people visiting. Don't people realize how rude it is to overstay their visit? -- STEAMED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR STEAMED: I'm sure that most people realize it's rude to overstay their welcome -- but when it comes to "family," they suspend the formalities.

The next time it happens, do what many other families do. Say, "Let's order out for a pizza and split the bill!"

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a dilemma and hope you can provide an answer. We will soon celebrate our 40th anniversary. We want to have a small dinner for those people who were in our wedding party. (There are only a few left.) We would also like to invite some close friends.

We would like to include something in our invitations that would relay a "sincere message" that we do not want any gifts. The presence of our friends and family to help us celebrate this occasion is the best gift we could receive.

Please do not reveal my name. We have not completed our guest list, and I would not like to slight anyone. -- WANTS TO OFFEND NO ONE

DEAR WANTS: Yours is a question I receive at least once a year. The message can be worded as follows: "No gifts, please. Your presence will be our cherished gift, and we respectfully request no other."

DEAR ABBY: As I type this letter I am eating the last bite of a slice of the cheesecake that I made yesterday for my family. It is, of course, your wonderful recipe. I have made about 15 of them since the recipe was last printed in the newspaper. My family loves it. The only dessert they have raved about as much is your pecan pie recipe. I don't much care for pecan pie myself -- but I love this one.

It was mentioned in your column that you have written a cookbooklet. I would like to know where to get one or two. I love to find delicious recipes that are also easy to prepare. -- GAIL SAUNDERS, KANSAS CITY, MO.

DEAR GAIL: I'm delighted that my dessert recipes have been such a hit with your family. I have actually published two cookbooklets: "Dear Abby's Favorite Recipes," followed by "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." (The cheesecake recipe is found in the first one, but there are recipes that are equally delicious in the second one as well.)

If you're as busy as I am -- and most people are these days -- yet want to serve something special to your family and friends, you'll find delectable, easy recipes for foods from appetizers to fabulous desserts. All of my recipes have to be easy to assemble as well as tasty because during the last 40 years I haven't had a lot of time to spend in the kitchen!

To order my family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 for each booklet ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Finally, someone was willing to point out that women can be as abusive as men. The letter I'm referring to came from "Worried Mother in Oregon." When I read the "15 Reasons to Leave Your Lover, Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality," I was disappointed, but not surprised. You have no idea how many men are in abusive relationships. People assume that women can never be as violent or controlling as men. It's even harder to believe if the man is much bigger than the woman.

Because of my ex-wife, I lost my dream job and several friends. This woman had kicked, punched, choked and scratched me. She had thrown things at me in the middle of the night. Possessions of mine were destroyed or tossed outside. I never wanted to fight with her. If there was a problem, I tried to communicate by talking things out. She preferred to hit or verbally assault me.

I tried to leave several times so I could cool down and the children wouldn't have to see any more violence. My wife would stop me by blocking the door or threatening to call the police. If one of us did call the police, I was always the one who had to leave.

Because I believe so strongly in family and having two parents in the house, I kept coming back. Things only got worse. I tried to convince my wife, whom I still cared about, to go to counseling with me. She refused, saying I was the one who needed help.

Well, I got the help I needed -- my dignity and self-worth are returning and I'm finally out of the situation. However, the problem remains unsolved because she still wants to control what I do with my children and the time I have with them. Since I will not allow her to do this, she has become more desperate and volatile.

I pressed charges when she hit me while I was picking up the children. The police would not take her to jail; they just talked to her. This is the main reason why you do not hear much about men who are abused. If we hit a woman, we automatically get a ride to jail. Unless you have it on camera, with 20 witnesses and the judge present, a woman can do what she wants.

For men in abusive relationships, all I can say is, "Get out as fast as you can. It will take time to heal, but you'll be much better off." -- THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY

DEAR OTHER SIDE: No one -- male or female -- should raise a hand in anger toward the other. Since your wife seems to have such poor control of her anger, it concerns me that your children are in her care. If incidents of female-to-male violence are not being taken seriously, I'm stating for the record that police should have further training to help them to deal evenhandedly with abuse by both sexes.

DEAR ABBY: Please advise your readers to take the time to get the telephone number of an emergency animal clinic before they need it.

Tonight my neighbor's dog was hit by a car. Valuable time was saved because she had the telephone number of an after-hours emergency animal clinic programmed into her cell phone. Luckily, I also had a card for the clinic with a map and directions on the back.

When an accident occurs, moments count. A moment of preparation now could save a precious life later. -- A.J. WARE, ATLANTA

DEAR A.J.: That's a terrific suggestion, and I'm pleased to pass it along to my pet-owning and animal-loving readers. Consider it added insurance against the unexpected.

P.S. It's also a good idea, when traveling with your pet, to take along its vaccination and medical records. In case of an emergency, the vet will need them.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a lovely 29-year-old woman who has a 3-year-old son. We are both very much in love, but the boy is extremely unruly when I am around. My girlfriend is getting tired of having to discipline him all the time. He misbehaves in stores and restaurants and embarrasses us both.

Frankly, it is starting to have an impact on our relationship. She says that he only acts up when I am around. Is there anything I should do so that this doesn't destroy our relationship? -- JASON IN GLENDALE

DEAR JASON: Your girlfriend's son may be only 3, but he's not stupid. He recognizes a rival for his mother's affection, and is doing everything he can at his tender age to drive you away.

I recommend a visit to your local library or the nearest bookstore. Much has been written about "blended families." Also, a short series of sessions with a therapist who specializes in child psychology would give you insight into reassuring the little boy and would be money well spent.

DEAR ABBY: This is my first letter to you, but after reading several letters recently regarding the etiquette of name placement for newly married ladies, I had to write.

I have a son who went the extra mile and had HIS last name changed to his wife's. How many men do you think would be willing to do that? You wouldn't believe the red tape and disbelieving looks he got when he went through the process of having his name legally changed. It was almost as if his masculinity was in question!

He and his wife are both proudly serving our country in the U.S. Army, stationed in Fort Bragg, N.C., and I'm very proud to be the mom of two of our finest soldiers. -- JODY HAHN, ADVANCE, MO.

DEAR JODY: Although a man changing his name to that of his wife's is unusual, it is not unheard of. I believe the practice originated in England, when men married into families that had no male heir to carry on the name.

Today the "name game" has many variations. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Shirley B. from Roswell, N.M." about how a woman should change her name when she marries was good information -- but presented only half the equation. There are many of us men who choose to hyphenate our last names with those of our wives. As a married couple, we share our money, our home, our bed, our hearts and souls -- why not our names?

For me, it was a matter of practicality. We both wanted to have the same last name and saw no reason why we shouldn't. Also, by using both names, our children could have the last name of both of us.

After my family's initial shock (which they quickly got over), the only problem I've encountered is that it's a bit awkward filling out forms with my "maiden name." -- DANIEL SAPON-BORSON, A HAPPY HYPHENATED HUSBAND IN PORTLAND DEAR DANIEL: If this idea takes hold, creators of forms will have to change the designation to "surname or maiden name" to accommodate secure gentlemen such as yourself. Now that women are coming into their own, it's encouraging to know that some men are willing to meet them halfway. Bless you all.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)