DEAR ABBY: I am an inexperienced college student in need of relationship advice. I am involved with a wonderful man who attends the same college. We are deeply in love; however, our hometowns are on opposite sides of the country.

This summer, I may have the opportunity to work in his area. His family has graciously invited me to live at their home, which would lower my living expenses considerably. It would also be a wonderful chance to spend time with him and his family. As this relationship is nearly my first, I realize my naivete could get me into trouble.

I feel miserable at the idea of being away from him all summer, so I don't want to turn down the offer. Are there any reasons why living with his family for 10 weeks could threaten or damage our relationship? Let me know if you think I may be getting in over my head. -- OPTIMISTIC IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR OPTIMISTIC: If you and this young man are serious about each other, spending the summer with his family will give them a terrific opportunity to get to know you -- and you to see the environment in which he was raised. Since you have mentioned no objection from your parents, and it's always wise to "look before you leap," go for it. At the very least, it will be a valuable learning experience.

DEAR ABBY: My wife works for a small company with fewer than 12 people. We want to have a party, but there is one employee I don't want to invite because she never stops talking, is loud and opinionated on every subject, and says vulgar things in mixed company. We don't consider her a friend.

My wife is afraid it would be wrong not to invite everyone. What do you think? -- PARTY PLANNER IN L.A.

DEAR PARTY PLANNER: If you were planning a party and inviting social friends, then it would be appropriate to invite only those you wish to attend. However, since you and your wife plan to have an "office party," every employee should be included.

If this opinionated co-worker got wind of the fact that she'd been excluded, your wife would hear about it -- loud and clear -- for months to come.

DEAR ABBY: My just-turned-18-year-old daughter wants to go away for a weekend with her 19-year-old boyfriend of six months. His 22-year-old brother and girlfriend are going to a family-owned ski cabin for a weekend and want his brother and my daughter to go along.

We said no; my daughter thinks we're ancient and sees nothing wrong with it. They are not sexually active. What do you say, Abby? Are we ancient? -- DAD

DEAR DAD: You're not ancient; you're prudent. Your daughter is an adult, but if she is living in your home, you have the right to set the rules. She may not be sexually active, but the most effective way to avoid temptation is to avoid situations that may be tempting.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has Down syndrome. While I was still grieving over this fact, the kindest people were the ones who commented on her beautiful eyes. I didn't know if they knew she had Down's, and I didn't care. She has beautiful eyes, and I was grateful for the compliment.

Now when we go out in public, we are often approached by people who just have to show us how smart they are because they recognize Down syndrome. This is not a kindness! Don't tell me my daughter's wonderful personality is because "they" are "all so sweet." My daughter is a wonderful individual, not part of the great "they." She is also not deaf!

If people want to be kind, they should be kind. But don't tell us about their experiences with individuals who have Down syndrome. I don't tell them my experiences with insensitive jerks.

Abby, if you could print this, and if some people become aware of the hurt they cause, my daughter, other people with disabilities and I might all have less trouble navigating the stream of well-meaning, but hurtful, people. Thank you. -- HURT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT: You have said it very well. Thank you for a great letter.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a terrific woman for about a year. She's a musician, divorced and the mother of three. We're dance partners. She and I have had an up-and-down relationship, with occasional breakups over our age difference. I am 29 and she is 15 years older. She wants me to get to know her family. I want the freedom to see other women.

Each time we have gotten back together, it has been because I want to dance only with her. However, one thing usually leads to another, and after a month of dancing, we are lovers again. She's taught me more about love and life than all the women I had dated before put together.

She's after me again to spend some time with her children. This is one of the issues that led us to break up before. After our last breakup, I have never come to grips with the age and lifestyle difference.

Abby, the bond I feel with her is very strong, but I feel that a more traditional relationship with another woman would be better for me in the long run. We can never have a family of our own, and although I don't want one right now, it still bothers me.

Am I right to continue exploring this relationship knowing that there may be someone younger out there for me? -- DOING THE TEXAS TWO-STEP

DEAR DOING THE TWO-STEP: Since you do not see a future with this woman, do her a favor and level with her. Feeling as you do, it's time to change partners and move on before you waste any more of her time -- or yours.

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am of the old-fashioned mind-set when it comes to manners. However, it is not easy to remain so.

Just the other day I opened a door for a woman about to enter. With a caustic look, she remarked, "Are you opening the door just because I'm a woman?" Taken somewhat aback, I was compelled to say, "No -- it was because of your age!" She didn't say another word. -- STILL OPENING DOORS, 29 PALMS, CALIF.

DEAR STILL OPENING DOORS: Funny -- but naughty. I hope you don't leave ALL women speechless.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old Republican woman. I attended high school with fewer than 300 students in the late '40s. Two young women died of botched abortions, devastating their families and friends. (Abortions were illegal then.)

When my own children were in high school in the '70s, a young couple who were "going steady" became pregnant. They terminated the pregnancy early on at a reputable clinic. Few knew about it. The relationship ended after a few months. Both went on to graduate from college, marry others, and now have stable families with two and three children respectively.

My grandson is the result of a caring birth mother choosing to place the child she could not care for up for adoption -- thereby giving happiness to the child as well as to our family.

The key word is "choice." Only the girl/woman should make the decision to have an abortion or carry the pregnancy to term and keep the child or place the baby for adoption. The decision should NOT be up to self-righteous, ambitious politicians. -- PRO-CHOICE GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: Right on! Only the individual knows how much she can handle, and the decision should be hers to make. The key word is, indeed, "choice."

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the reply you gave the young woman signed "Scared to Speak Up." She was 19 years old, recently married and expecting her first baby. Her parents claimed they would disown her if she became pregnant before age 24. They also expect her to repay the money they spent on her college education.

Your response for her to be responsible and begin paying back the money is ludicrous! Parents should not manipulate an adult daughter to do exactly as they want her to. Life has many twists and turns. It does not always follow a script that the parents have laid out. Her parents were willing to pay for her education in the beginning. Was there a signed contract stating she could not marry before her degree was acquired?

The parents should realize that a marriage and expected child need not be the end of the road for their daughter's formal education. Eventually she will probably decide to continue it. She and her husband will have enough expenses to worry about without this silly demand from her parents. How controlling and manipulative can parents be to dictate they will disown their daughter if she gets pregnant before they think she should?

Her parents deserve a kick in the rear, as well as a message to stop dictating how their daughter should live her life. Abby, you goofed on your reply. -- DONNA KOPITZKE, HUDSON, WIS.

DEAR DONNA: While I agree that the girl's parents are controlling, I disagree that I goofed on my reply.

The young woman dropped out of school as a freshman to marry someone her parents disapprove of so greatly they refused to attend the wedding. Since I don't know the young man, I can only assume that the bride's parents -- right or wrong -- believe the marriage won't last. That's the reason they tried to blackmail their daughter into waiting before starting a family.

As for paying back the money that was invested in her first year of college -- the girl has already refused to do so. However, were she to attempt to repay it, I'm sure they would respect her for making the effort, whether or not she was able to reimburse the entire amount.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)