DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed your tombstone series. Isn't it great that humor can lift our spirits even when the subject is death and tombstones? It is a unique legacy and a wonderful way to remember those who go before us.

At a particularly frustrating time in my life, when I just wasn't getting something right, I wrote this poem. I'll bet others can identify with it, too:

EPITAPH FOR A PERFECTIONIST

"It has to be right, no less will do!"

She vowed and firmly believed it.

In life she aimed at perfection;

In death she finally achieved it.

They buried her corpse on a lonely hill

At the foot of a stone that read,

"May she rest in perfect peace,

"For now she is perfectly dead."

-- JOHNNYE JO, N.C.

DEAR JOHNNYE JO: I'm pleased that penning the verse was therapeutic for what ailed you. Perfection is something most of us strive for, but few attain. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have another humorous epitaph to add to your collection of tombstone stories.

The reference made to the old cemetery in Key West, Fla., brought to mind another tombstone in that cemetery. It reads: "Now I know where he is every night."

People in Key West must have a great sense of humor! -- LORRAINE B., VICKSBURG, MISS.

DEAR LORRAINE: Yes, one that's out of this world. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While you're on the subject of tombstones, I saw one in a cemetery near Breckenridge, Texas, that read: "Rest in Peace -- I Hope."

For my own monument, I would like "Rest in Pieces" inscribed. I have had so many operations in different towns that I could never gather all of me together in one grave. -- ADELLE O., APPLE VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR ADELLE: Hold this thought: Sometimes less is more. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The enclosed is a bit of doggerel I wrote while working on the wording of my last will. As a poet of modest publishing success, when I run into the inevitable roadblock, I resort to nonsense words that aren't meant to do anything or say anything:

In whom do I confide

When I finally decide

My Epitaph:

"By God -- he tried."

To the point, I think! -- HOWARD CANN, RENO, NEV.

DEAR HOWARD: I hope this isn't an indication of my mental state, but your epitaph makes perfect sense to me.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old male who reads your column every day.

I love my wife with all my heart. I believe she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I have told her that since the day we met, seven years ago, and repeat it often both in and out of the bedroom. I make sure other people know how I feel about my wife, as well.

I make great money. I treat my wife to flowers, special gifts, dinners out on Friday and Saturday nights every weekend at the best restaurants. I do the laundry, clean the house, take care of the kids and pay every bill in the house -- hers and mine -- while working 65 hours a week with no more than four hours of sleep a night.

My problem is, I do not feel appreciated. She always wants more. Please don't tell me to discuss my feelings with her, because I have. We just end up arguing because she thinks I'm belittling her for wanting to hear "thank you" and especially "I love you."

We rarely make love. I make sure that when we do, it is memorable for her. That's more important to me than my own fulfillment. My excitement is pleasing her.

I hope you, Abby, of all people, understand that men have feelings. We want to be loved and appreciated, too. -- UNAPPRECIATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: Of course men have feelings and the need to hear "I love you." However, I'm sad to say you have a one-sided marriage.

Since you have already discussed your feelings with your wife, perhaps it's time to stop doing so many things for her. She might be more appreciative of your efforts if some of the responsibility were placed back on her shoulders.

Even though you love your wife with all your heart, it seems that when you are talking, neither of you is hearing what the other is really saying. You both could benefit from marriage counseling, which may improve your level of communication. Try it, and let me know the results.

DEAR ABBY: I was pleased to read in your column about men who behave like gentlemen. May I share my "gentleman" story?

When I leave his house, he always walks me out to the car. He opens the car door for me and then gently hands me my seatbelt as a reminder. When we arrive at our destination, he jumps out of the car and races around to open my door for me. And he always places his hand under mine to keep me from falling.

I have heard women ask their escorts, boyfriends and husbands why they can't be more like him. They smile at my gentleman and tell him they wish they were with him.

My gentleman is my 10-year-old grandson, who is as rough-and-tumble as they come. Although I have four other grandsons, Mark is the most conscientious about practicing good manners.

Thank you for allowing me to brag about my gentleman. -- JUANITA SHARP, SIMPSONVILLE, S.C.

DEAR JUANITA: I'm pleased to print your letter. Children who practice good manners should always be praised for it -- and so should their parents. Mark sounds like a terrific young man.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY ASIAN READERS: It's the Year of the Dragon, and I'd take to take this opportunity to wish you a happy and prosperous New Year. So: "Gung Hay Fat Choy, "Kung Hsi Fa Tsai," "Kung Ho Hsin Hsi, "Hsin Nien Kuai Le," "San Ni Fei Lo" and "Chuc Mung Nam Moi."

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old man and not very close to my extended family. Out of the blue, my teen-age cousin called and asked if he could come and stay at my house for a week while he looks at colleges in Los Angeles. Of course, I agreed, but now I realize that entertaining and feeding a 17-year-old for a week will be somewhat costly -- and I am by no means wealthy.

Should I call and ask his parents to provide expense money, or, by initially accepting my cousin's request, is the responsibility now mine? -- "JOHN" IN SANTA MONICA

DEAR "JOHN": It was kind of you to agree to host your young cousin, and it will provide a wonderful opportunity for you to become better acquainted with your extended family.

Call ahead and ask what he would like to do while visiting you, and you'll have a better idea of what he "expects." Most teen-agers like hot dogs and hamburgers, and watching videos -- none of which should break your budget. If what he wants is expensive, tell him honestly that you can't afford it, and let his parents come up with the extra cash.

Enjoy your time together. It could be the beginning of a rewarding relationship for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Stacking the Odds in Oregon," who decided not to name her mother as guardian of her children because of her drinking problems. Not knowing "Stacking" and Grandma personally, I don't know whether Grandma really does have a drinking problem (getting drunk and "loud" only when she entertains doesn't sound very serious to me). However, I was moved to write on behalf of all social drinkers who get labeled "alcoholics" by their friends and family who are recovering addicts.

I don't mean to belittle the pain of those who grew up with drunk, abusive, self-destructive parents, but it is possible to drink socially without having a "problem." My own parents did it, my husband and I do it, and I have never noticed any negative impact on our lives.

If someone came to me, like "Stacking" to Grandma, and accused me of having a drinking problem, I would probably be just as "hostile and defensive" as Grandma, and then be labeled "in denial." It's a no-win situation.

Please, all you children of alcoholics, don't perceive all drinking as being a "problem." For some people it is; for some it isn't. -- NO PROBLEM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NO PROBLEM: Whether Grandma is or is not a problem drinker may be open to interpretation. The woman's "social drinking" was unpleasant enough to her daughter that she doesn't want to subject her own children to it. And as a parent, that's her choice to make.

While many people can drink socially without becoming problem drinkers, I'm not so sure that the majority of them would react with hostility were they told they had a drinking problem. The normal reaction to a preposterous statement is to laugh, not to become defensive. In fact, when someone becomes defensive, that individual should examine more closely the reason why.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)