DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old male who reads your column every day.

I love my wife with all my heart. I believe she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I have told her that since the day we met, seven years ago, and repeat it often both in and out of the bedroom. I make sure other people know how I feel about my wife, as well.

I make great money. I treat my wife to flowers, special gifts, dinners out on Friday and Saturday nights every weekend at the best restaurants. I do the laundry, clean the house, take care of the kids and pay every bill in the house -- hers and mine -- while working 65 hours a week with no more than four hours of sleep a night.

My problem is, I do not feel appreciated. She always wants more. Please don't tell me to discuss my feelings with her, because I have. We just end up arguing because she thinks I'm belittling her for wanting to hear "thank you" and especially "I love you."

We rarely make love. I make sure that when we do, it is memorable for her. That's more important to me than my own fulfillment. My excitement is pleasing her.

I hope you, Abby, of all people, understand that men have feelings. We want to be loved and appreciated, too. -- UNAPPRECIATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: Of course men have feelings and the need to hear "I love you." However, I'm sad to say you have a one-sided marriage.

Since you have already discussed your feelings with your wife, perhaps it's time to stop doing so many things for her. She might be more appreciative of your efforts if some of the responsibility were placed back on her shoulders.

Even though you love your wife with all your heart, it seems that when you are talking, neither of you is hearing what the other is really saying. You both could benefit from marriage counseling, which may improve your level of communication. Try it, and let me know the results.

DEAR ABBY: I was pleased to read in your column about men who behave like gentlemen. May I share my "gentleman" story?

When I leave his house, he always walks me out to the car. He opens the car door for me and then gently hands me my seatbelt as a reminder. When we arrive at our destination, he jumps out of the car and races around to open my door for me. And he always places his hand under mine to keep me from falling.

I have heard women ask their escorts, boyfriends and husbands why they can't be more like him. They smile at my gentleman and tell him they wish they were with him.

My gentleman is my 10-year-old grandson, who is as rough-and-tumble as they come. Although I have four other grandsons, Mark is the most conscientious about practicing good manners.

Thank you for allowing me to brag about my gentleman. -- JUANITA SHARP, SIMPSONVILLE, S.C.

DEAR JUANITA: I'm pleased to print your letter. Children who practice good manners should always be praised for it -- and so should their parents. Mark sounds like a terrific young man.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY ASIAN READERS: It's the Year of the Dragon, and I'd take to take this opportunity to wish you a happy and prosperous New Year. So: "Gung Hay Fat Choy, "Kung Hsi Fa Tsai," "Kung Ho Hsin Hsi, "Hsin Nien Kuai Le," "San Ni Fei Lo" and "Chuc Mung Nam Moi."

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old man and not very close to my extended family. Out of the blue, my teen-age cousin called and asked if he could come and stay at my house for a week while he looks at colleges in Los Angeles. Of course, I agreed, but now I realize that entertaining and feeding a 17-year-old for a week will be somewhat costly -- and I am by no means wealthy.

Should I call and ask his parents to provide expense money, or, by initially accepting my cousin's request, is the responsibility now mine? -- "JOHN" IN SANTA MONICA

DEAR "JOHN": It was kind of you to agree to host your young cousin, and it will provide a wonderful opportunity for you to become better acquainted with your extended family.

Call ahead and ask what he would like to do while visiting you, and you'll have a better idea of what he "expects." Most teen-agers like hot dogs and hamburgers, and watching videos -- none of which should break your budget. If what he wants is expensive, tell him honestly that you can't afford it, and let his parents come up with the extra cash.

Enjoy your time together. It could be the beginning of a rewarding relationship for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Stacking the Odds in Oregon," who decided not to name her mother as guardian of her children because of her drinking problems. Not knowing "Stacking" and Grandma personally, I don't know whether Grandma really does have a drinking problem (getting drunk and "loud" only when she entertains doesn't sound very serious to me). However, I was moved to write on behalf of all social drinkers who get labeled "alcoholics" by their friends and family who are recovering addicts.

I don't mean to belittle the pain of those who grew up with drunk, abusive, self-destructive parents, but it is possible to drink socially without having a "problem." My own parents did it, my husband and I do it, and I have never noticed any negative impact on our lives.

If someone came to me, like "Stacking" to Grandma, and accused me of having a drinking problem, I would probably be just as "hostile and defensive" as Grandma, and then be labeled "in denial." It's a no-win situation.

Please, all you children of alcoholics, don't perceive all drinking as being a "problem." For some people it is; for some it isn't. -- NO PROBLEM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NO PROBLEM: Whether Grandma is or is not a problem drinker may be open to interpretation. The woman's "social drinking" was unpleasant enough to her daughter that she doesn't want to subject her own children to it. And as a parent, that's her choice to make.

While many people can drink socially without becoming problem drinkers, I'm not so sure that the majority of them would react with hostility were they told they had a drinking problem. The normal reaction to a preposterous statement is to laugh, not to become defensive. In fact, when someone becomes defensive, that individual should examine more closely the reason why.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Disillusioned in Dallas," the 22-year-old man with old-fashioned manners who said it was difficult to find women his age who are receptive to being treated courteously.

I am a single, 25-year-old female. Apparently "Disillusioned" is dating the wrong type of women. I have shared his letter with all my girlfriends, ages 22 to 27. We agree that manners do count.

Good manners have not faded in our generation. Being considerate and showing respect to a woman reveals class and a moral upbringing. A man with manners and respect for women is exactly what many other young women and I are looking for in both a casual date and in our soul mate. -- AMY IN DALLAS

DEAR AMY: I have been deluged with letters from women who echoed your sentiments. However, I have also received a few pointing out there may be another side to the issue. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old female. There are various reasons some women decline those gestures of chivalry: (1) a strong sense of personal space; (2) in some cultures those particular niceties are not the common way of communicating consideration to a woman; and -- saddest of all -- (3) some women fear that "old-fashioned" manners indicate that a man is also old-fashioned in his feelings about a woman's place in the world.

"Disillusioned," the right woman will accommodate you with pleasure, for your manners are an indication of your true self. I just don't want some gals to be thought of as "strange" for declining gestures they find alien or uncomfortable. -- G.Z. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR G.Z.: I have no doubt that "Disillusioned" will find someone who thinks he's terrific. I do, however, take exception to anyone who reacts with rudeness when a courteous gesture is offered. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Men with good manners these days are hard to find. All I can say to "Disillusioned" is: Don't change a thing! Those same women will be banging on his door someday after they've kissed enough frogs. "Disillusioned" sounds like a true gentleman, and men all over should take lessons. He can open my car door anytime. -- ANN S. (AGE 32)

DEAR ANN: You're right. Some women have to learn the hard way. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and feel fortunate when someone opens a door for me or pulls out my chair. My big brother (who's 30 now) always told me when I was younger to never date a guy who doesn't open doors for me. I followed his advice, and I confess, I haven't dated much, but he was right -- there is a BIG difference. -- COMMITTED TO COURTESY IN THREE RIVERS

DEAR COMMITTED: Keep listening to your brother; he's a smart man. Good manners are a measure of respect and courtesy -- important qualities in a mate. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In a time when people are becoming more preoccupied with themselves and in a greater rush, courtesies are getting lost along the way. I urge everyone to make an effort to keep manners alive. With booming populations, that is the only way we will be able to get along. -- IN FAVOR OF MANNERS IN PORTLAND

DEAR IN FAVOR: It's true. On the one hand, courtesy is one of the things that bond society together. On the other, it's the social lubricant -- the WD-40 -- that keeps relationships from becoming abrasive.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)