DEAR ABBY: Around Christmas, my wife, our daughter and son and I visited family in Baltimore. One day we decided to take the children to see Santa at a mall just outside the city. It turned out to be the scariest day of our lives.

Our son is only 14 months old. All of a sudden, he started to shake, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he stopped breathing. My wife and I went into a panic. I started to give him CPR, but I was completely shaken up.

A lady walked over and said she was a nurse, so I stepped out of her way. By the grace of God, she got him breathing again. The ambulance arrived to take our son to the hospital. When I looked around for the lady, she was MIA.

The doctors said my son had had a seizure due to a rapid rise in temperature.

It amazed us that a complete stranger would have the compassion to stop and help us. That nurse saved our son's life, and we are deeply grateful for her help. Life would be unbearable without him. We feel terrible that we weren't able to properly express our gratitude to our son's guardian angel. -- MELVIN AND JENNIFER BIDDLE, PENNSVILLE, N.J.

DEAR MELVIN AND JENNIFER: Your close call highlights the importance of parents knowing how to perform CPR and, if they have forgotten how to do it correctly, signing up for a refresher course. The Red Cross and the American Heart Association offer CPR courses, and they're as near as the telephone.

P.S. If the Good Samaritan who helped your son is a Dear Abby reader, you will have delivered your message of thanks today. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

DEAR ABBY: I want to thank you for thinking of us while we are deployed here in Kosovo. The men of our unit were pleased to have received many letters of support from home. The letters have helped us remain close to home during the holiday season.

Through Operation Dear Abby you have provided a service to the U.S. military for many years. The men and women serving in the military do give up many of the joys of being home during the holidays. But we understand the blood and tears our forefathers have given to our great country -- and we are not making the same sacrifice. I am proud to be here. It is rewarding to be able to give Kosovo a little of the freedom we enjoy every day.

You have provided much of the same service that Bob Hope did, keeping us in touch with everyday Americans. Thank you for being there for us. -- SGT. ROBERT E. JONES, U.S. ARMY

DEAR SGT. JONES: Thank you for a wonderful letter, but the credit for the success of Operation Dear Abby belongs to the thousands of generous and patriotic Americans who work hard each year to be sure our troops are remembered. All of us are very proud of you, indeed!

CONFIDENTIAL TO "THREE-TIME LOSER": Proceed slowly. "Divorce is the psychological equivalent of triple coronary bypass surgery. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it." (Mary Kay Blakely quoted in Parade magazine, 1987)

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am not normally a person who would write to you, but I am prompted to do so as a result of the letter you printed relating to obtaining inheritance tax, estate tax or income tax incentives for people to become organ donors.

I am a lawyer who practices in the estate and tax field, and I thought that the proposition was interesting from that standpoint.

However, as a registered organ donor, I question both the proposition and your support of it. My questioning does not concern the need to get more organ donors, but it concerns the motivation of people to donate organs in return for tax relief.

I am concerned that our society needs to have "incentives" to do that which is right. Do we really need to have income tax deductions to support our favorite charities? Do we need tax incentives to encourage people to employ persons otherwise unemployable? Will charitable giving collapse if, for some reason, charitable deductions were eliminated from the Internal Revenue Code?

I would hope that the answer to these questions would be no, so I am not in support of the person who suggests that we give incentives to encourage people to become organ donors. The incentive should be that you are doing the right thing for the right reason. There is no other incentive necessary. -- ALFRED K. HETTINGER, ALLENTOWN, PA.

DEAR MR. HETTINGER: The answer to all of your questions could well be "yes." And I agree with you that no incentive other than doing the right thing for the right reason should be necessary.

However, at this time 66,717 people are on organ-donor waiting lists, praying for a heart, a kidney or a liver that will save their lives. Last year, 4,800 people died waiting for that prayer to be answered. Is it more immoral for someone to die because there is a shortage or organs available, or to offer tax incentives to those who would otherwise bury their dear departed, organs and all? To me, it seems like a terible waste.

My philosophy coincides with that of the late Robert Test, who wrote the following:

TO REMEMBER ME

At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my "deathbed." Call it my "bed of life," and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to a man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.

Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.

Give my blood to the teen-ager who has been pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.

Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.

Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body, and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her windows.

Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses, and all my prejudice against my fellow man.

Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been in contact with my high school sweetheart for almost a year. We are both 32, and it has been 14 years since we've seen each other. My best friend looked him up for me and he begged her to send me his e-mail address. We are both engaged to other people.

His girlfriend is 10 years younger than we are, but we are still in love and find each other very attractive.

At first, he wanted to see me very badly. But when the date for our meeting approached, he seemed to forget about it. However, he continues to write, and gives me subtle messages that he may still love me.

About three weeks ago he brought up meeting again and began calling. He said he had done enough damage to our relationship and he was serious about getting together this time, but when I asked him to make real plans and set a date, he ignored me. He just sent jokes and letters about what's going on with his ex-wife.

What can I do to make him go through with his plans this time? I think he's scared or just a jerk. Frankly, I'm getting fed up. Should I just stop writing? -- OUT OF PATIENCE, SANGER, TEXAS

DEAR OUT: If your former high school sweetheart were interested in anything more than e-mails, you would have seen him by now. It's time to log off the Internet and concentrate on your flesh-and-blood fiance -- because if he gets wind of this flirtation, he'll feel very betrayed. And he'll be right!

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letters about obscene phone calls, I thought you might be interested in the one I received the summer of my surgery. When I answered the phone I heard heavy breathing. Then someone with a deep voice said, "I've been watching ... I've been watching you getting undressed every night."

I started to laugh because I knew it couldn't be true. I was in a body cast from underarms to hips -- and confined to bed for four months! The caller then asked, "What's so funny?"

I said: "You'd better get glasses; I'm in a body cast."

There was no comment after that, just silence on the other end of the phone. That was the end of my one and only obscene call. -- STILL AMUSED IN CANADA

DEAR STILL AMUSED: Although few people would welcome a call from a self-identified Peeping Tom, you appear to have handled yours quite well. Thank heaven for caller ID, the feature that makes it difficult for obscene callers to get through without exposing themselves, and for call-blocking, which cuts them off entirely.

DEAR ABBY: Some friends of ours had a good solution for the folks who had "Mr. Uninvited" show up unexpectedly for dinner. They had a problem with a couple who regularly arrived just in time for dinner.

After dinner was over, they calmly put their plates down on the floor and let the dogs lick them completely clean. Then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, they picked up the plates and put them away in the cupboard! The uninvited guests never showed up around dinner time again.

Cleanliness is next to dogliness. -- ELIOT FROM PORTLAND

DEAR ELIOT: Cleanliness may be next to dogliness, but I'm praying that yours was a shaggy dog story. If it's not, there's no telling what you've unleashed.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)