DEAR ABBY: Last month you printed a letter from "Hawkeye Gal in San Francisco." In it she talked about clipping a column of yours containing "15 Reasons to Leave Your Lover." It listed the warning signs of an abusive mate. Please, Abby, run it again.

My college-age daughter is unable to recognize the signs of abuse in her relationship with a boyfriend she's been dating. For two years I have watched her give up her interests and her fun-loving, outgoing personality and accept being controlled by manipulation and jealousy. Help! -- AT MY WIT'S END IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WIT'S END: I'm pleased to help. Yours is only one of a stack of more than 100 similar requests on my desk. This was adapted from "Signs to Look for in a Battering Personality," with permission from the Project for Victims of Family Violence, Fayetteville, Ark.

15 REASONS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER,

WARNING SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE PERSONALITY

Something's just not right in your relationship, and you can't put your finger on it. So here's some help. If your mate is displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you may have a potential batterer on your hands.

1. A PUSH FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on very strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the woman for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. JEALOUSY: excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

3. CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to, and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.

5. ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS AND MISTAKES: The boss, you -- it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.

7. MAKES EVERYONE ELSE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of, "I am angry" or, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you." Less obvious is the claim: "You make me happy."

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming that his feelings are hurt when he is really mad. He'll rant about the injustice of things that are just part of life.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND TO CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; says he finds the idea of rape exciting.

11. VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.

12. RIGID SEX ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a matter of minutes.

14. PAST BATTERING: Admits hitting women in the past, but says they made him do it or the situation brought it on.

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Makes statements like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it." If he has come this far, it is time to get help, or get out!

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DEAR ABBY: I have just returned from a visit with my older brother. It was the first time we had seen each other in years. Thank God he had the integrity to call me as soon as he realized how much he had hurt and offended me during our last meeting. An aunt had told him how I felt after I cried on her shoulder.

He called, told me how sorry he was, and thanked me for taking the call. When we got together, I discovered that he, too, was angry about something I had completely forgotten. I didn't even remember what it was that he had said or done that angered me; I just knew I was angry. We lost many years because of our lack of communication.

Abby, please tell your readers to pick up the phone and call the one with whom they are angry and talk about it. Start with, "I am sorry and I miss you."

It doesn't matter who did or said what to whom. If you love the person with whom you are angry, make the call and work it out. -- CASSIDY IN VENTURA, CALIF.

DEAR CASSIDY: I agree. One should never hesitate to make the call to mend fences with a loved one. Communication, coupled with love, is the beginning of forgiveness.

This week is International Forgiveness Week, and I urge all my readers to be forgiving. It's not as hard as it seems if you're willing to put your pride aside and make that call.

Robert Muller said it very well. Read on:

DECIDE TO FORGIVE

Decide to forgive

For resentment is negative

Resentment is poisonous

Resentment diminishes

And devours the self.

Be the first to forgive,

To smile and to take the first step,

And you will see happiness bloom

On the face of your human brother or sister.

Be always the first.

Do not wait for others to forgive

For by forgiving

You become the master of fate

The fashioner of life

The doer of miracles.

To forgive is the highest,

Most beautiful form of love.

In return you will receive

Untold peace and happiness.

Readers, I offer a "schedule" for achieving a forgiving heart:

SUNDAY: Forgive yourself.

MONDAY: Forgive your family.

TUESDAY: Forgive your friends and associates.

WEDNESDAY: Forgive across economic lines within your own nation.

THURSDAY: Forgive across cultural lines within your own nation.

FRIDAY: Forgive across political lines within your own nation.

SATURDAY: Forgive other nations.

Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never forgives. It is not his nature.

A final thought -- and a favorite quotation of mine. It's a line from George Roemisch's poem "Forgiveness": "Forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet which still clings fast to the heel that crushed it."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a veteran of World War II. I have a bumper sticker on my vehicle announcing a past reunion of my Army unit. Recently, while shopping, I was approached by an employee of the firm I was in who asked me, "Did you serve, sir?" I replied that I had, indeed, served in WWII. The young man then said, "I would like to thank you, sir, for what you did for our country."

I was stunned. In 55 years, this is the first time I have ever been thanked by a fellow American.

I lost three friends at Normandy, one of whom died at my side. When I look back at the fulfilling life that I have enjoyed in this country that I love, I regard with lasting sorrow the memory of those friends who were denied that opportunity.

The considerate words uttered by that young man meant more to me than I could ever convey to him. In some manner, the pain of remembrance has been made less painful by his kindness.

I returned to visit that young man and gave him my combat medic's badge as a token of my gratitude. -- OSCAR ORTIZ, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR OSCAR: Because you chose to write this letter, countless veterans will be able to read that young man's words. Memories fade, but the printed word often outlives the writer. Thank you for sharing that rewarding encounter.

DEAR ABBY: Please publish the following plea. It may well save lives. As a deputy sheriff in a small county, I am called to the home of a citizen in a remote area at least once each duty day. Very often, I have a difficult time finding the right house because there is no address on the mailbox, or if there is an address, it's only on the side from which the mail delivery comes.

Emergency vehicles will come in from the closest direction. If there is an address, and it's on the side opposite our approach, we can't see it until we pass it -- and then we must take our eyes off the road to read it. If it's the one we're looking for, we must then find a safe place to turn around, causing further delay in our arrival.

On behalf of all peace officers, firefighters and emergency medical personnel across the nation, I make the following suggestions:

1. Place your address in large numbers in a contrasting color on BOTH sides of your mailbox.

2. Place your address on the house in such a manner as to be easily readable in all light and weather conditions. This is even more important when there are several homes close together.

3. If at all possible, please have someone at the door or in the yard to guide us in.

4. Give the 911 operator a brief description of the house.

Remember, we're trained, equipped and eager to offer the best emergency service, but we can't do a blessed thing until we find you. -- PETER N. SPAGNOLO, DEPUTY SHERIFF, PAYETTE COUNTY, IDAHO

DEAR DEPUTY SPAGNOLO: Those are excellent suggestions, and I hope they'll be taken to heart. They may prevent a tragedy. Your plea is one I hear at least once a year from emergency personnel.

Readers, please take a moment to see whether your address can be easily read from the street. And if it can't -- make it a priority to remedy the problem.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)