DEAR ABBY: I am a medical student near graduation. In my admittedly brief experience in the local hospitals, I have already seen the damage alcohol and drugs can wreak on a life and the many relationships it poisons. Too often it takes a dramatic, life-threatening and socially costly event to provide a patient "insight" into his problem.

In June 2000, I will receive my medical license. I wrote the following in the selfish hope that it will keep me from having to deliver this bitter news, even for just one night. The words in quotes are my spoken words. The words in parentheses are what I'm really thinking. -- HEALER IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR HEALER: The short essay you have written is sobering and thought-provoking. I hope its message will reach those who need to heed it -- and remind them to set limits on the amount they imbibe. Read on:

"I realize you must be upset, Mrs. ____." (But you can only imagine how frustrated I am by this daily occurrence.)

"I am calling to inform you of your son's admission to the hospital." (Where we still haven't figured out why people do this to themselves.)

"As I understand it, the paramedics were called" (to a party where no one was sober enough to explain what happened) "and were required to administer CPR in order to revive your son's heart." (While his friends continued their drunken reveling, undisturbed.)

"He is currently on a machine to assist in his ventilation." (Because he drank so much he stopped breathing.)

"His brain suffered a significant period of anoxia." (And if he ever wakes up, he can never have his life back.)

"His condition is serious, but he is receiving expert care." (I wish I could tell you just how worried you should be!)

DEAR ABBY: I am a strict Catholic who does not believe in "kinky" activities. It was my second date with a seemingly conservative gentleman. Everything was going well, so I felt comfortable holding hands with him -- until he proceeded to stick my pointer-finger in his mouth. We had just come from dinner, so he couldn't possibly have been hungry!

What are your thoughts on this situation? -- SHOCKED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR SHOCKED: It could have been worse. At least he wasn't a thumb-sucker.

Never do anything you're not comfortable doing. There are men out there who will respect you just the way you are. If he's not for you, fix him up with a nail-biter. They'll think they died and went to heaven.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: On my way to work today, I followed a pickup truck with a beautiful husky dog in the back. As we sped along, he moved anxiously from one side of the truck to the other. Suddenly, the dog jumped out, hit the pavement and began tumbling out of control. I was driving a full-size van at 60 mph. I slammed on the brakes and was able to keep from running over the poor animal.

I pulled off the road and saw the dog had gotten up and was hobbling across the grassy median toward oncoming traffic. Fortunately, I was able to coax the animal into my arms and I held him until the driver of the pickup returned. I will never forget his stupid explanation: "Why, he has never done this before!" It took all my willpower to keep from smacking the driver up against the side of his head.

Please, Abby, pass this story on to everyone. If just one person reads it and decides to keep his or her pet inside the cab with them, it will have been worth it. -- JOHN C., DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR JOHN: Thank you for an important letter. Not only should pets not be allowed to ride in the back of a pickup truck, neither should human beings. As your story illustrates, animals can be unpredictable. And should the driver get into an accident, there is absolutely no protection for the passengers in the back.

DEAR ABBY: I go to garage sales every Saturday and generally come across some interesting items. I found the enclosed "Death Cookbook Recipe" in a set of cards from 1966, put together by the Missouri Avenue Baptist Church, Clearwater, Fla. It is amazing that 30 years later, the problem still exists.

If you feel it is worth sharing with your readers, please print it. I found it very interesting. -- BARBARA CONDON, MATTITUCK, N.Y.

DEAR BARBARA: It's definitely worth printing, particularly during the holiday season when people are "partying." Read on:

DEATH'S COOKBOOK

Take: 1 reckless, natural-born fool

3 drinks of whiskey

1 fast automobile

Soak the fool in the whiskey, place in the automobile, then let go.

After due time, remove from the wreckage. Place in a satin box and garnish with flowers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just moved to Michigan from a Southern state because of his job. I had to leave mine, and I want to find new employment here. However, I am 17 weeks pregnant.

If I interview for a job, should I tell my prospective employer of my pregnancy then, or wait until I receive an offer? I am not showing yet. -- NEEDS TO KNOW ASAP

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: You are not required by law to inform prospective employers that you are pregnant. If they withdraw an offer because they learn that you are pregnant, they are in violation of fair employment practices.

If you're 17 weeks pregnant, they are going to see soon enough. Enjoy your "New Millennium" baby!

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice on how to handle a sticky situation with my in-laws. My husband's father carries a concealed handgun in his pocket, and in addition to this, his wife carries one in her purse. My father-in-law is in his early 70s, and it was not until recently that I learned they carried these loaded weapons everywhere they go. This includes our home.

We have a child under the age of 1, and I am so afraid that the gun may go off while my father-in-law is holding our child. The other possibility is that it may go off in a public place. My father-in-law does have a concealed gun permit, but the thought of his gun going off by accident and injuring our child or someone else has really upset me.

My husband says if it bothers me, I should say something to his father. How should I bring this up to the in-laws if my husband will not talk to his dad about this?

I really do want to have a good relationship with my in-laws, but guns in my home or around my child at any time will not be tolerated. Please help! -- DESPERATE IN DALLAS

DEAR DESPERATE: Tell your pistol-packing in-laws that the world may be a dangerous and scary place, but they are safe when they are in the confines of your home. Then do what any saloon keeper in the Old West would do to safeguard the customers: Insist that they check their weapons at the door and put them in a place the toddler cannot possibly reach or get into.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to the one you printed from the woman who signed herself "Lost in a Dream," who dreamed repeatedly about a former boyfriend.

I can relate to her. When I was 13, I met my "first love." He was the same age. We lived 30 minutes from each other, but we corresponded through letters and saw each other at monthly youth functions. It lasted more than a year.

Because of circumstances beyond our control, we were forced to part. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. Neither one of us wanted to break it off, but it was something I just had to do. I saw him for the first time in about 10 years four years ago. It was very nice to see him again, but it brought back a lot of memories.

Now, 15 years from the time we broke up, I'm married and so is he. Like "Lost in a Dream," I have a wonderful marriage. But every so often I think of him and dream about him, and wonder "What if?" He was very special to me. Some people call it "puppy love," but it was real to me. And for a 14-year-old, that was all that mattered.

I want to tell "Lost in a Dream" that she is not alone. She is not a bad person for this. Anything can trigger dreams. I am just relieved to know that I am not the only person who experiences this. Thanks, Abby, for printing that letter. -- RELIEVED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

DEAR RELIEVED: You're welcome. I have a stack of letters from readers echoing your message to "Lost in a Dream." Dreams of a former romance are nothing to lose sleep over. However, if they are causing anxiety, it can't hurt to talk them over with a professional.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)