DEAR ABBY: I was married to my high school sweetheart for nine years, until he cheated on me. While I was at home taking care of our 1-year-old son, he was seeing other women. The one he was seeing when we divorced is now his wife.

Since she caused the breakup of my marriage, I really don't want to have anything to do with either of them socially.

I live 1,000 miles away from my family. When I visit them, my stepmother makes it a point to invite my ex and this woman to our family gatherings, including family reunions. The stress has caused me to have health problems. My stepmother is well aware of this.

I don't want to be a party pooper, but my feelings should come first. I am one of nine kids, and she does this only to me. It is very hard to sit across the table from them, as I feel very strongly that they don't belong in the picture. Any advice? -- HEARTSICK IN FORT ST. LUCIE, FLA.

DEAR HEARTSICK: Since your father and stepmother are aware of the circumstances that ended your marriage, and the fact that you are uncomfortable in the presence of your ex-husband and his new wife, but continue to invite them -- face it: They have made a choice, and it isn't you. Before you return for another family reunion, ask them why they invite your ex-husband and his wife, and make your plans accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: Here is another addition to your series on humorous inscriptions on tombstones:

My late husband, Jim Steele, was a sports announcer for WDSU-TV in New Orleans during the 1970s. At the end of his few minutes of live TV sports announcing, he would say, "Time's up. Gotta go."

Jim died Jan. 1, 1991. On his headstone I inscribed, "Time's up. Gotta go." Very appropriate, don't you agree? -- JIM'S LOVING WIFE, GLORIA W. STEELE, METAIRIE, LA.

DEAR GLORIA: Indeed it is. You are not the only reader to comment on the tombstone letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed about tombstone inscriptions reminds me of two others you might be interested in.

First, on a recent trip to Key West, Fla., we took the Conch Train tour of the city. When we passed an old cemetery, our guide told us of one tombstone inscription: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK."

When my first wife died a few years ago, I ordered a headstone for her and one for myself, leaving the final date blank, of course. But I added beneath my name, "OFTEN IN ERROR -- SELDOM IN DOUBT." I hope it gives some visitor a smile. -- G.B.F., GULFPORT, MISS.

DEAR G.B.F.: I'm sure it will! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter in your column about tombstones spurred me to write.

"Trouble" was her nickname. She was 80-something and always enjoyed passing me articles in church that brought a smile to my face. God has "Trouble" now, but in memory of her I share this:

ON A TOMBSTONE

Remember, Friend, as you pass by,

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, you will be --

So be prepared to follow me.

Under that, in black crayon, was written:

To follow you I am not content --

Until I learn which way you went!

-- REBECCA IN TENNESSEE

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is the time of year people begin thinking, "What should I get Mom, Dad and Aunt Tillie for Christmas?" Well, I AM a mom and an Aunt Tillie, and I filled Dad's shoes for more years than I care to count. So, for all of you who haven't a clue what "we" would like, keep reading:

Don't try to buy me happiness with a token gift. Most of all, I'd love just a little of your time.

If you want to buy something for me, I'd appreciate a box of all-occasion greeting cards. A roll of stamps to go with them would also be helpful, so that when my old friends have a reason to celebrate, I'll not have to venture to the store or post office. (An assortment of gift wrap and Scotch tape are another novel idea.)

You all know how much I love flowers -- not the cut bouquets from a florist, but real plants from a nursery, delivered at the right time for planting in the spring. Something like that can be enjoyed all year, and I'll remember your thoughtfulness every time I look at them.

My little doggie needs grooming every month. How about a gift certificate? They make terrific gifts. Also, I would never spend household budget money for a manicure, pedicure or massage, but a gift certificate for one would certainly be welcome. Or one for a car wash, or the next trip to the dry cleaner or shoe repair shop.

What about a gift certificate for a dinner for two, so I can treat a good friend to a meal and company because HER family is also busy? Have you forgotten how much I enjoy Reader's Digest, Family Circle and TV Guide? I can't afford subscriptions anymore, but they would be a lot more welcome than bubble bath that I'm now allergic to.

Also, if you want to give me something, how about a prepaid phone card, or a few bucks prepaid on my telephone bill? And if you're feeling generous, how about contacting the company that aerates my lawn, the chimney sweep or, for that matter, the mechanic who readies my car for winter?

You see, we're not as difficult to buy for as you thought. You have simply forgotten who we really are. We're not "those old people down the street." We're the parents who always knew what you wanted or needed -- because we loved you.

Thanks for the space, Dear Abby. I hope my kids are listening. -- ANY PARENT OR GRANDPARENT, ANYTOWN, U.S.A.

DEAR ANY: Thanks for a letter that's sure to start a lot of people thinking creatively about the Christmas holidays. Another idea is to create customized gift baskets filled with small cans of tuna, salmon, chicken and turkey, hearty soups, and "goodies" that someone on a fixed income might forgo. Put on your thinking caps, folks. The season is at hand!

DEAR ABBY: Every year I read about the urgent need for organ donation, and the tragedy of people who die waiting for one.

Don't you think it would be a good idea to give people a tax rebate who pledged their organs for transplant upon their death? It seems to me it would solve our country's great need for donor organs with a nationwide system of registration and reward.

I was going to send my idea to Washington, but I believe your column would be more effective, and has no political agenda. Do offer this idea to your readers. -- PEGGY MARTIN, VENICE, FLA.

DEAR PEGGY: It's an intriguing idea. One way to make the option more attractive would be for the government to forgive a portion of the inheritance taxes for the families of the donors.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: By popular demand, here is my traditional Thanksgiving column:

Today is Thanksgiving Day, so take a few minutes to reflect upon all the things for which you are thankful.

How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting even more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? Or a rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)

If you awakened this morning and were able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs, and read the newspaper with two good eyes, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.

How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions. No welfare. No food stamps. No Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.

Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, pick up the phone and call someone.

Are you concerned about your country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern. Your country may not be a rose garden, but neither is it a patch of weeds.

Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can still worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.

As a final thought, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer; perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:

O heavenly Father:

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and may God bless you and yours. -- LOVE, ABBY

An afterthought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the holiday blues is doing something nice for someone. Why not call a person who lives alone and invite him or her to share dinner?

Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Some older people don't drive, and those who do may not like to go out after dark.)

Try it. And let me know the results.

P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my prayer on this Thanksgiving Day.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)