DEAR ABBY: Will you please ask your readers to take a minute to think about how they treat people who are different or unique? These days we seem to care about how we treat people who are disabled or in a minority -- however, some of us seem to forget that ALL people should be treated with kindness, dignity and respect, regardless of who they are or what they do.

My son is an Elvis impersonator. Now, I'm not talking about some clairvoyant who thinks he channels Elvis; I'm talking about a talented singer who works hard at his profession of re-creating the Elvis concert experience. He was even selected to be in a new film on impersonators called "Almost Elvis." But you would not believe the way some people treat him in public.

Although he doesn't walk around in a jumpsuit, he must look the part with black hair and sideburns. It amazes and upsets me how rude and insensitive people can be with their smart remarks. If they stopped to think for a minute about the Golden Rule, about choosing to build up rather than tear down those around them, then we might have a little more kindness in the world. Elvis was known for his kindness to strangers -- and I think we could all take a lesson from him. -- PROTECTIVE LITTLE MAMA, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR PROTECTIVE LITTLE MAMA: Although the comments may not be all that a mother would wish for, they may go with the territory. There's an old show-business saying, "If you want a place in the sun, you had better be prepared to put up with a few blisters." Since your son is respected in his profession, I'm hoping he receives his share of compliments to make up for any hurt that may be caused by the clumsy attempts at humor.

It's interesting that Elvis Presley's talent was so unique he is still an unforgettable celebrity so many years after his death.

DEAR ABBY: Each year, usually in December, you print letters about choosing appropriate gifts for the elderly. You have advised us against purchasing unwanted items such as bath powder or earrings for Grammy and neckties or after-shave for Grandpa. You have reminded us to stay clear of useless things for their homes, like vases or knickknacks.

I have learned from your column and for the last few years I simply ASK my relatives what they can use. If Mom wants postage stamps and a grocery store gift certificate, and Dad wants a coupon for an oil change this year, that's exactly what I give them. They're pleased and so am I.

Here comes my problem: How do I get my elderly relatives to stop sending ME useless gifts? I wouldn't dare hurt their feelings, but they never ask me what I want; they simply send things I have no use for.

How about writing a column to the elderly about gift BUYING? This really needs to be addressed and printed in the newspaper. (Then maybe I can cut it out and send them copies.) I appreciate your help. -- STUMPED IN NEVADA

DEAR STUMPED: Your problem is universal. As the holiday season approaches, write or call your relatives and thank them for their past generosity, then tell them that from now on, a card expressing their loving feelings would be appreciated more than a gift.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It happened again! My fiance, "Greg," left me behind to spend another long holiday weekend with his family. Let me give you the details.

Greg is 22 years old. He lives at home with his parents and goes to college. His parents have a lake cottage one hour away. They go there almost every weekend, and they expect Greg to come, too. In fact, we go there almost every weekend.

My sister's birthday was during the Labor Day weekend. I invited Greg to stay here and celebrate with us, because my sister lives five hours away, and we don't get to see her that often. However, Greg wanted to "spend time with his family." He insists I'm selfish for getting upset. I feel that I'm getting the "leftovers" and I'll never be first in his life.

Another thing: Greg has been wanting to get his own place, but changed his mind because his dad travels occasionally, and Greg says he doesn't want to leave his mother alone, even though he has two teen-age brothers who are still at home.

What do you think about this? -- FUMING IN FORT WORTH

DEAR FUMING: You are getting a taste of what it will be like to be married to this young man. Greg is still emotionally and financially tied to his family, and your family appears to rank a distant second place. Unless you can adjust to playing second fiddle to his parents, you may want to reconsider your engagement.

DEAR ABBY: I was struck by the letter from "Missing Them in Colorado," who had moved to a new city and whose old friends ignored her attempts to remain in contact via correspondence. Something similar happened to me.

Years ago I moved from Pittsburgh to Clearwater, Fla. I kept in touch with my friends through letters and cards. After a time, the letters dropped off, but I continued to send cards for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, births, etc.

Five years ago, six of my friends retired and moved here. I was delighted -- and we socialized at parties, dinners and sports events. Gradually, they stopped including me in their get-togethers.

In the meantime, I became friendly with one of the busboys at my favorite restaurant and his lovely family. He calls me "Mr. R.," because I'm 72 and he is 20. He attends junior college at night. I'm always included at his family's parties and dinners. He insists on cutting my grass each week and afterward invites me out to bowl or to a movie. He has become a dear friend.

Several months ago, I ran into one of my old friends and asked why I never hear from them anymore. His wife said, "Wake up and smell the coffee. You can't keep up with us timewise or financially."

Not too long after that encounter, I inherited a great sum of money. News gets around quickly, and guess who came out of the woodwork? The same couple called and invited me for dinner and said it would be nice to have me "back in the fold."

I replied that my time is precious -- and besides, they could not keep up with me financially.

I'll continue to send cards on their special days, but I will concentrate on building my friendship with Jose and his family. And guess who will be mentioned in my will?

Sorry this letter is long, Abby, but I needed to vent. -- MR. R., CLEARWATER, FLA.

DEAR MR. R.: That's what I'm here for. The value of friendship is not supposed to be based upon a person's wealth. Count your blessings, not your losses. You're a lucky man in more ways than one.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was surprised at your response to "Used in the Northwest," whose college friend and family visited without offering to defray expenses. Your response, to charge $60 a day, seemed harsh. "Used" may lose a friend.

I would suggest a few alternatives:

1. "Used" and her family could reciprocate by visiting her college friend's family;

2. "Used" could suggest that the two families meet someplace where each would pay their own way;

3. "Used" could level with her friend, saying that the visits had become a financial strain, but that the visits might continue if they could agree on how to resolve this. -- PHYLLIS STAHL, COLUMBUS, IND.

DEAR PHYLLIS: Your suggestions are good ones. However, "Used" stated that after 15 years, she and her husband felt taken advantage of, that the visits were no longer enjoyable, and she and her husband had dropped countless "hints" that were ignored. Therefore, I concluded that her college chum had the hide of a rhino and knew full well that she was taking advantage.

You are not the only reader who felt that my answer was too harsh. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your suggestion that "Used" charge her friend $60 a day to "cover the cost of feeding them, the additional water, electricity and telephone charges" is guaranteed to cost her the relationship with her friend. I'm from the Southeast, and such a demand would be considered extremely rude.

Why didn't you suggest that "Used" simply talk to her friend? She could inform her that the annual visit makes it difficult for her family to maintain their somewhat strained weekly budget. She could suggest that, perhaps, they go grocery shopping together and then simply ask her friend to pay for part. If they run out of milk or need a video, she could ask her friend to go to the store for it. By being up-front with her friend, she may appear to be struggling financially, but her friend should appreciate her honesty. Following your advice, she will appear rude and cheap. -- USED TO SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY

DEAR USED TO SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY: Please re-read my answer to Phyllis (see above). Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After 15 years of silently taking the abuse from her visitors, the chances of "Used" being able to say that she is going to charge them is slim to none. I suggest she send the following note to her friend:

"Dear Jane and Family: We're delighted to hear that you and your family are once again going to be in our area. As you know, our little home gets really crowded and uncomfortable with so many of us under one roof. But I'm delighted to tell you that I have found a delightful motel close by that is very reasonable and comfortable. It is the Cozy Inn on Main Street.

"We know that you'll find it to be the best place in town for only $60 a night for you and your family. Since it's so close, we'll be able to spend all the time together that you're able to give us. Looking forward to seeing you again." -- JOANN MABEL, BROOKLYN CENTER, MINN.

DEAR JOANN: I like your style. You have a deft touch. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice was good, but I'd go still further. How about informing this "friend" that since she is jobless, she has started a "bed and breakfast" business and that her rates are $100 a day for four persons, with a maximum of six days? This would shorten or eliminate the stay and/or recoup the previous losses to a small degree.

I'm amazed that "Used" and her family would tolerate such an imposition for 15 years. If I were her husband, this deal would have stopped years ago with a frank discussion and a firm goodbye! -- JOHN LANDFRIED, ROCKWALL, TEXAS

DEAR JOHN: I agree!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)