DEAR ABBY: I'm being married soon, and as a bride-to-be, I have been very laid-back and agreeable to all of the arrangements my mother has made. At first, I asked if we could have just a small, informal barbecue. She said no -- so now we're having an all-out affair. My sister will be my maid of honor. I'm letting her wear whatever she wants. Even though my colors are blue, she is wearing a plum-colored dress. As long as she's happy, fine.
I have argued with my mother about only one thing: I have a beautiful, simple wedding dress. I want to wear a pair of sneakers with lace shoestrings because I will be on my feet all day. I don't want to wear heels because those shoes are not made for comfort. I think the sneakers with the lace "accents" will be very cute and nice.
Although this is really the only thing I am asking for myself, my mother is acting like I'll shame the family. (I am not doing the "garter" thing, so no one will even see the shoes.) I did agree with my mother that I'd wear proper wedding shoes for the ceremony and formal reception, but that wasn't good enough. I do not want to wear those ceremony shoes from 2:30 p.m. until 12:30 a.m.
Abby, my mother will not compromise. Why shouldn't I be comfortable at my own wedding? She's acting like I'm committing some horrible sin, and threatening I'll forever be the laughingstock of New Jersey. All I want is to be comfortable at my own wedding. Please help me put this into perspective. -- WISHING FOR COMFORTABLE SHOES, PARSIPPANY, N.J.
DEAR WISHING: Please tell your mother I suggest that she loosen up a little. Since you're wearing a long dress, and will be wearing traditional "wedding slippers" during the ceremony, your mother should be willing to compromise and allow you to wear your sneakers at the reception. Many brides simply kick off their high-heeled pumps and go through their receptions in stocking feet. Your idea has merit.