DEAR ABBY: Regarding your advice to the physician whose girlfriend has poor table manners, you advised him to tell her that "her parents shortchanged her in one area -- her table manners."

Her parents? Always the parents! Nowhere in his letter did the physician refer to her parents. I am overweight and love good food. However, I eat too fast. My parents always told us to take our time while eating, to enjoy our food and not to eat the meat first. Is it my parents' fault that I did not listen? I think not!

This lady may have developed her bad habits in school or in work cafeterias. Perhaps her schedule forces her to eat "on the run." Please, Abby, don't blame the parents. You can do better. -- WILLIAM S., TORONTO, CANADA

DEAR WILLIAM S.: The physician did not complain that his girlfriend ate her food too quickly; he said her table manners were poor. He asked if I had any suggestions on how to give her pointers on manners without embarrassing her.

I advised him to begin by listing the qualities he loved about her, and then explaining that there was one area in which her parents had shortchanged her -- her table manners. The reason I suggested it was not to malign the parents, but to introduce the subject in a way that would not make the woman defensive.

DEAR ABBY: My husband travels extensively on business. Because he's gone so much of the time, I pay the bills and handle his correspondence. He often calls and asks the children to check the post office box for letters and postcards to them from him.

Some weeks ago, he was in a post office in Arizona to send some letters home. The postal clerk who assisted him copied our P.O. box number and wrote him several letters about how infatuated she was with his looks and how she hoped he was not really married. She mentioned in one of the letters that she does this regularly, in order to have so-called pen pals.

Our 14-year-old daughter opened one of her letters by mistake, thinking it was from a relative, and was horrified. My husband is completely unaware that this has happened. He's en route between Cincinnati and Maryland.

I am furious. If my husband were a celebrity, this would be considered stalking. I feel the clerk's behavior was highly inappropriate and something should be done about it. Our privacy was violated, and I need some answers. -- FURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FURIOUS: I don't blame you for being furious. The postal worker was a mile out of line. I contacted the Postal Inspection Service and explained your problem. The representative said the most effective way to handle this is to go to your local post office, request a complaint form and turn it in. That ought to cool her ardor in a hurry.

CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: A young boy handed a bank teller a check made out for 1 cent and said, "Please cash this check." The teller looked at it and asked the boy, "How do you want it -- heads or tails?" (Submitted by Lou Yelnick, Sea Gate, N.Y.)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: May I give you an "upper" for the day and offer some advice for newlyweds? Make love every day!

We're in our 60s, married nearly 50 years, and we still make love every day. Our children can attest to it.

What is making love? It's a smile across a room, a hug, a kiss, a pat on the behind, a "special look." Oh, yes, it's also having sex -- but it's so much more. As you get older, the sex and passion may diminish, but the rest won't as long as you remember what your love is all about.

True, we've had arguments and serious disagreements through the years. Who hasn't? I even asked -- no, I TOLD him once in a fit of anger that I wanted a divorce. Know what he did? He gave me "that look," didn't say a word. All I needed was "that look" that says it all. "We're in this for better or for worse, for a lifetime, and most of all," it says, "I love you."

So, young people, if you make love every day and welcome God into your marriage, it will last. -- STILL LOVING AND ENJOYING IT, HOT SPRINGS, ARK.

DEAR STILL LOVING: After nearly 50 years of happy marriage, I'd say you were quite an expert. I have been married for more than 60 years, and I adhere to your philosophy. Your letter is a day-brightener, and I thank you for sending it.

DEAR ABBY: I have many friends and relatives in their 40s and older who find themselves alone and still wanting to enjoy dining out. They sit alone in crowded restaurants and feel out of place.

What would it take for the restaurant to have a table for six with "one, please" dining together? It would make it a lot more fun and increase business.

This evening, I saw a dear friend feel uncomfortable entering a restaurant alone. She has lived in this town 12 years and her husband died recently. I also saw this happen 30 years ago when my uncle passed away and my aunt tried to keep up their weekly routine. Dining alone took all the fun out of the adventure.

Abby, please ask restaurants to consider this. It will make these people feel special again. -- KATHLEEN IN SEDONA, ARIZ.

DEAR KATHLEEN: That's a great idea; however, it's not a new one. I'm told it's traditional in Germany, Austria and northern Italy. It provides a gathering place for people who prefer to meet and converse in some place other than a bar. The owners of Rockenwagner, a restaurant in Santa Monica, Calif., have found their "community table" (a Tuesday night event with a special menu) so successful they're replicating it in their second location. More restaurants should follow suit.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to offer another solution to the woman whose neighbor uses her hose and water to water his lawn and shrubs.

Install a turn-off valve on the water line inside the house. She can then shut off the outside water unless SHE wants to use it. It's a good idea, anyway, to shut off this water in extremely cold weather. -- DONNA F., WEST CHESTER, OHIO

DEAR DONNA F.: I heard from several readers who told me that inside shut-off valves are usually located in the basement, and that turning it off is a simple procedure. However, I live in California and do not have a basement -- so I called my plumber. He informed me that this is not usually inside a house, so it may be necessary to have one installed. I'm sure it would pay for itself over time in the form of reduced water bills.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Shaking in Harrisburg, Pa." hit close to home. She said her son was being married in a few weeks, and was insisting that she dance with her abusive former husband at the wedding.

My daughter married a year ago, and she was kind enough to realize that asking me to dance with my ex at her wedding was like asking me to dance with the devil himself. She told me she would never put me through it, knowing how hard the divorce was on me.

Abby, I, too, am engaged to a wonderful man now. I never thought life could be so beautiful. At the wedding reception, I stood looking at the man who had hurt me so deeply and took a real hard look at him. I asked myself why I was still so fearful of him even though I had put my life back together. I realized at that moment that I really wouldn't completely put my life back together unless I faced my fear of him.

My children were stunned when I walked over and asked him to dance. I held my head up and looked him straight in the face. He couldn't even look me in the eye. It wasn't long before I realized the man was nothing more than a "weasel," and I actually began to smile. By the time the dance was over, I realized I could put the past behind me. All my fears were gone.

Weeks later, my daughter asked me why I had danced with her father when she knew it was the last thing on earth I wanted to do. I told her the truth -- that I hadn't done it for HER. I did it for ME. She knows the past is finally behind me, and she is proud of me.

Please tell "Shaking" that she needs to face her past fears to really get on with her life and be happy. -- IN CONTROL AT LAST IN MINNESOTA

DEAR IN CONTROL: I applaud you for conquering your fears and going on with your life. However, unless someone is ready to do that, I would never push her. You are not the only reader who identified with "Shaking in Harrisburg" and wanted to offer encouragement. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I danced with my ex-husband at my son's wedding this summer. I can understand why "Shaking" is unhappy, but she might want to give this some consideration:

I view my ex as an emotionally handicapped person and more like a nonfavorite cousin. Because we have children, I feel we will always be "related." I no longer focus on the difficulty of our divorce eight years ago. If her ex still has her shaking, then she's letting him live rent-free in her head. Surely he's not worth it. She should focus on him instead as the man she loved when her son was conceived and born (if that was the case) and how wonderful it was that they produced something so good.

Our 26-year-old daughter was surprised we danced so well together. I reminded her that there were many things we did well together, which is why we married in the first place -- even if it didn't last. -- WISER NOW

DEAR WISER NOW: I congratulate you for your tact, and for handling the situation with humor as well as grace. You're fast on your feet in more ways than one.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)