DEAR ABBY: In your column of July 5, you responded to a writer struggling with accommodating her widowed, elderly father who suffers from the eye condition called age-related macular degeneration (AMD), and therefore has trouble reading small print. On behalf of the AMD Alliance International, thank you for printing that letter. Just seven years ago I was diagnosed with AMD, and I now chair the AMD Alliance.

AMD is an eye condition that causes loss of central vision and is the leading cause of legal blindness to individuals over the age of 50 in the Western world. Approximately 25 million to 30 million people are affected worldwide by some form of AMD, but awareness and understanding are still very low. In a recent international survey commissioned by us in May 1999, only 2 percent of adults surveyed think AMD is the leading cause of severe sight loss among adults 50 and older.

While there is currently no cure for AMD, there are ways for those diagnosed with it to gain hope and maintain independent lifestyles through treatment and rehabilitation options, low-vision aids and support services.

Early detection is the key to making the greatest possible impact, so please encourage regular eye exams.

Abby, thank you for sharing this message of hope for others like me who must now learn to adjust to a new way of daily living. -- DR. BOB THOMPSON, CHAIRMAN, AMD ALLIANCE INTERNATIONAL

DEAR DR. THOMPSON: After reading your letter, I'm sure many people will be interested in learning more about age-related macular degeneration. I first learned about this eye condition when it affected my trusted secretary of many years, Sylvia Singer.

Readers, the AMD Alliance International is a nonprofit alliance of vision and seniors organizations. For more information about AMD, early detection and global resources, visit the Web site at www.amdalliance.org. You can also use the toll-free hotline: (877) 263-7171.

DEAR ABBY: Get a load of this pre-wedding announcement. It was delivered via my mailbox at work. I thought I had seen it all, but this takes the cake. With a former co-worker like this, I'm happy I didn't win their lottery.

If you print this, please delete all names and addresses. I still work with friends of this couple. -- HAPPY TO LOSE THE LOTTERY

DEAR HAPPY: Your enclosure is a first, and I must admit I have never seen anything quite like it. Read on:

"Dear Friends of 'Elmer' and 'Gladys': Our wedding will be a small but poignant affair held at a log home in the woods in beautiful southern Wisconsin. Due to the physical nature of the wedding area, there will not be enough space for all the friends and relatives we would dearly love to invite.

"After pondering a number of alternatives, we decided that a lottery would be the most equitable manner of dealing with the space/disappointment problem. We have, indeed, already held this lottery with your name included, but alas, it is our sad duty to inform you that your name does not appear on the winners list. Nevertheless, our good wishes go out to you, and when our gift from you arrives at the address below, we will thank you in absentia.

"With regrets and respect, ELMER SMITH AND GLADYS JONES"

READERS: Care to comment?

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Hurt in Connecticut," who was bothered that family members didn't attend her choir concert, was a very good one. Family solidarity should be valued; however, it may be expressed in many ways.

I, too, am a "singing grandmother" who was disappointed when none of my children or grandchildren attended a particular performance of the chorale in which my husband and I both sing. May I share the following thought process that helped us soften the disappointment?

1. Consider the many other ways your sons, daughters and grandchildren demonstrate their love and respect throughout the year.

2. Remember that they all have their own activities, goals and commitments, their own social needs and responsibilities.

3. Remember how you felt at their ages. Would you have had time to attend? Would you have changed or abandoned your previous plans?

4. If you do not wish to accept an invitation to a sports event, glee club performance, etc., it's OK to politely decline.

5. Finally, how would you feel if you were not invited to any of those "boring" events?

I am honored when I'm invited to an awards banquet or graduation. (Attendance is limited, you know.) Singing in the chorale is a personal pleasure, which is enhanced whenever my family and/or friends are able to attend the performance. When they cannot, it is not a rejection. In other words, dear "Hurt," count your blessings. I'm sure you'll feel much better. -- CALIFORNIA GRANDMA

DEAR CALIFORNIA GRANDMA: You're singing my song -- as far as I'm concerned you can repeat another chorus.

DEAR ABBY: My son is 11 years old. He has no contact with the family of his biological father. His grandfather (my father) passed away when my son was 2 weeks old. This was a great loss -- a loving, generous father and grandfather who accepted all his family, blood ties or not. My son has a grandma (my side) who also loves him dearly.

I have recently remarried and am now expecting a baby. I am sure this new baby will be expected to call my husband's parents "Grandma" and "Grandpa," although they insist my 11-year-old son call them "Mr. and Mrs. Last-name." My husband was adopted, and I think, of all people, his parents and family should understand the importance of being accepted into a family unconditionally. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I am not fond of my husband's parents, but am trying to get along.

I wonder how my 11-year-old will feel when this new baby calls them "Grandma" and "Grandpa" while he is not allowed to. I want to do everything possible to make my son feel good about himself. What should I do about this situation? -- MOM

DEAR MOM: Tell your husband's parents that you want both of your children to use the same names for them -- and let his parents decide what those names should be.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the man who wondered how to date his tombstone if he lives into the year 2000 and your reply to use a little humor, reminded me of a man's headstone we came across while searching for the gravesite of a friend.

The stone listed the man's name, etc., and then, "Thanks for stopping by." I confess I almost laughed out loud in that solemn place. -- WISH I HAD KNOWN HIM IN CINCY

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 80 years old, living alone and desperately lonely. I have a good wife and five fine children. My present situation is due to a major mistake I made after retirement.

My wife had a lifelong dream of spending our retirement years in the country, "in touch with nature." She had been a fair helpmate and perfect mother for 35 years, so I decided to give in to her dream and let her have her turn at a happy life. I sold our comfortable home located in an ideal midsized city and gave her a free hand at relocating us.

My wife had a major stroke two years ago, and our remote location, with no medical help for 25 miles, made matters a lot worse for her, as it took so long to get her to the emergency room. She is now in a nursing home, and I am alone in our "close to nature" house that still hasn't sold after two years.

The nursing home care is eating away at my savings. All my children live far away, and I'm afraid I can't drive much longer. Depression is setting in.

Abby, please advise seniors to locate close to help. Life can take a sudden sharp turn -- mine was destroyed like a flash of lightning. Any advice you can offer would be welcome. -- CONFUSED AND LONELY IN CANADA

DEAR CONFUSED: Although your life has taken an unexpected 180-degree turn, you can get it back on course.

Start by discussing your symptoms of depression with your doctor, because prescription medications are available that can lessen them. And waste no time in looking into what services are available for seniors in your area, such as transportation and senior recreation centers. If nothing is available, consider asking your children if they could visit more regularly and perhaps help you solve some of these problems.

Also, ask your Realtor why your home hasn't sold in two years. Have you offered it at current market value? Is it being actively marketed? If the market is slow, consider renting it -- that way you may be able to live closer to your children or your wife. Another solution may be to rent a room in your home to another senior so you are not alone all the time.

Please let me hear from you in six months. I'm rooting for you.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a house full of siblings. Our father told us he would not tolerate smoking, drinking or cursing under his roof, and if we wanted to do any of those things, we were free to move out.

When I entered the Air Force in 1947, it wasn't long before I was confronted with the old, "Aw, come on -- have a drink. Don't be a stick-in-the-mud."

I had several good friends who drank, but I had no desire to start. I finally came up with an answer that worked. I told anyone who asked me to drink or smoke a funny cigarette, "I'll tell you what I'll do: I won't try to make you stop if you don't try to make me start."

In almost 13 years in the Air Force, it never failed me and I still had lots of friends. I still don't drink or smoke that funny weed, and I am over 70 years old.

Abby, why can't young people today use the same line to refuse alcohol, tobacco, drugs -- and maybe even sex? They might be surprised how they could influence some of their friends to stop. I'm proud to say I did. -- BEEN THERE IN TEXAS

DEAR BEEN THERE: They can. After reading your easy-to-memorize one-liner, some of them probably will. It's short, nonjudgmental and very much to the point.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)