DEAR ABBY: This letter is long, but I hope you'll find it worth sharing with teachers. One of the challenges for anyone who works with young people is to help each child have a better self-worth. Naomi Haines Griffin, a well-known speaker with a background in education and social work, has many suggestions for accomplishing this. We incorporated one of them into our kindergarten classes.

Each week, a child was named "Star of the Week." A spiral notebook was sent home with the student, and the child's family was asked to write special memories or unique descriptions pertaining to the student. Also that week, every child in the class was asked to say something good about the "Star of the Week." The comments of the students and family were then incorporated into a computer poster and were read aloud to the "star" in front of the entire class.

All the students lit up with pride as their comments were read. The "Star" poster became almost sacred to the students, and the activity fostered respect and love for one another.

During that week, someone from the child's family visited our classes and shared a hobby or interest with our students. Paramedics and firemen brought ambulances and fire trucks and talked to the students about safety; mothers who spoke no English demonstrated making tortillas; a director from the animal shelter talked about the importance of caring for family pets and what to do if approached by a strange animal; a father with limited English showed the children how to make a homemade pinata and explained how birthdays are celebrated in Mexico. People from all walks of life -– high income to poverty level -– shared their lives with our classes. The wealth of shared information was unlimited.

Tragedy struck our kindergarten this year when one of our students, Rudy Ortega, died after a long battle with leukemia. When we went to the funeral home to view Rudy's body, we saw Rudy's "Star of the Week" poster displayed by the casket.

Thank you, Naomi Griffin, for showing us the way to help all kids. -– KAREN COOK AND SHELLANE KING, KINDERGARTEN TEACHERS IN MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR KAREN AND SHELLANE: I congratulate you. The lessons your students have absorbed in your classroom are something they will take with them for the rest of their lives. Your project also illustrates the many benefits parents can provide by becoming involved in their children's education.

DEAR ABBY: I'm being married in September, and my mother-in-law-to-be wants to wear a white beaded gown to our wedding. I am totally against it and explained my view to her. She still insists on wearing white. I told her it was not proper etiquette, but she says she has never heard that before. Can you help me convince her? -– BLUSHING BRIDE IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR BLUSHING: Clip this column and tell your fiance's mother that she's hearing it now. According to the "Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, Entirely Rewritten and Updated" by Nancy Tuckerman and Nancy Dunnan: "The bride's mother with the bride decides what she will wear at her daughter's wedding and then tells the groom's mother so she can coordinate her dress. NEITHER MOTHER SHOULD WEAR BLACK OR WHITE." (Italics are mine.)

I hope your fiance's mother will save her white-beaded dress for another occasion -– or you won't be the only person blushing at your wedding.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter you've printed concerning displaying the American flag, I bet no one can top this:

I live in a new duplex-condo community. Our association bylaws forbid any permanent structures of any kind on our front lawns. All the condos are exactly alike -- boring -- and this is meant to preserve uniformity.

An 80-year-old retired Army colonel, a veteran of World War II, who walks with a cane due to an injury sustained during the war, recently moved into our neighborhood. He and his seriously ill wife had always flown the flag -- so he promptly installed a flagpole of the proper size and proudly raised one.

He and his wife would sit in their front yard on summer evenings, and strollers would stop by to visit them and each other. It was a lovely time.

However, not everyone socialized or appreciated his patriotism. More than half the residents deemed the flag "tacky" or inappropriate. An association meeting was held at which the colonel's flag was discussed and voted on by the board. The colonel had prepared a stirring statement concerning what the flag meant to him, mentioning his war experiences. Would you believe the board voted 5-to-3 against him? The old guy was defeated!

The story has a semi-happy ending: The colonel agreed that whoever was willing to do it could come over and remove the flagpole, which had been set in concrete. Abby, no one had the nerve -- and his flag still flies year-round. He still sits and visits with his friends on summer evenings; his wife died three months ago. -- P.H. IN GODFREY, ILL.

DEAR P.H.: I salute the colonel and his devotion to the symbol of our nation. It is sad that more than half his neighbors are not similarly moved.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young widow in my mid-40s. I have a friend who is a widower almost the same age. We've both been alone for a few years. We have children. I live in a small town.

We've gone out a few times and have spent all day together. We talked, laughed, ate, walked side-by-side and listened to music without a spoken word. We've never even held hands, but have given each other playful pushes, nudges, etc., and have sat close together.

It's been months since we've been out, and I know he's not dating because he told me so. Neither am I. Abby, sometimes I'd like to call him up just to talk, or say, "Let's go out," but I don't want him to think I'm chasing him. I need him as a friend and I miss him.

When we run into each other, that connection is there with just a smile. It feels right. Is this all because we shared the same grief years back, or is there more to it?

A small town can be lonely and people talk. What should I do? -- MISSING HIM WITH A HEAVY HEART

DEAR MISSING HIM: Call him. You have nothing to lose but your loneliness.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "A Teacher Who Cares About the Future." I was saddened when I read your comment that "extremely bright children may act out because they are bored."

Our society has reached a sad state when it excuses unacceptable behavior on the premise that it's OK because of the so-called "brilliance" of the offending child. If a child is truly brilliant, he or she can learn to set limits, learn constructive things to do with his or her time, and continue to excel at his or her own rate without disturbing other children.

My children range in age from 15 to 26. All have been considered "extremely bright" by their teachers. One tested brighter than any child ever tested by our school psychologist during academically talented testing in our school district. Was she ever bored? Yes, often. Did she ever long for more challenges? I'm sure she did. Did she ever, ever once act out in school? Never!

Instead of acting out when she was little, she took extra books and projects to do in her spare time. A wise principal once told me to put her in dance and music classes -- and anything else in which she seemed interested. He said she needed to excel in many areas, or she could become bored in a few. I also volunteered regularly in her classrooms to give the teacher time to spend with other children on both ends of the academic spectrum.

Abby, limits need to be set and children need to be held to them. I am eternally grateful to the teachers who challenged each of my children to be the best that they could be. It has paid off handsomely.

Parents: Stop blaming the schools and look in the mirror! -- HAPPY MOM IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR HAPPY MOM: While I agree with much of your thinking, the statement that extremely bright children may act out because they are bored was made to me by an early childhood learning specialist whom I trust.

It is essential that physical problems be ruled out as a cause of misbehavior. Mature children have the ability to entertain themselves and to use their time constructively. Children with learning disabilities or ADHD may not. However, this does not relieve parents from the responsibility of teaching their children respect for authority and what is -- and is not -- appropriate behavior. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I applaud the advice from both you and the "Teacher Who Cares." I have been a schoolteacher and a principal. Children need to be taught respect for adults and authority. They need to accept the word "no." You would be shocked at how often students (even those in the primary levels) make disrespectful and rude remarks to teachers. You would also be surprised how these students -- and their parents -- react to discipline. They do not approve of it.

Yes, it is hard to say "no" to a child you love dearly. But not saying "no" creates a monster who ends up damaging him or herself and others. -- ANOTHER EDUCATOR WHO CARES ABOUT THE FUTURE

DEAR EDUCATOR: Failure to teach children limits and appropriate behavior is a form of neglect that can handicap their educational and social development. Furthermore, children cannot be expected to know what their parents haven't taught them, and they mirror the attitudes of the adults after whom they model themselves. The child of parents who feel that rules do not apply to them will, predictably, be disruptive in the classroom and disrespectful of the rights of others -- hardly a recipe for success.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)