DEAR ABBY: I have two nephews and one niece, all teen-agers, who have lived with their father and stepmother for eight years. Their father divorced their mother, who is my sister.
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Their stepmother, "Sharon," is trying to make me feel guilty for not sending her daughter gifts for birthdays and Christmas as I do my own relatives. She has informed me that her family considers my niece and nephews to be "family," and gives gifts to them on such occasions –- and she strongly implies that I should too. I resent Sharon pointing this out to me, especially since she does not encourage my niece and nephews to acknowledge the gifts they receive from me with even a simple thank-you note or phone call. Although my gifts are seldom acknowledged, I continue to send them out of a sense of obligation since they are my blood relatives.
Should I succumb to Sharon's wishes and include her daughter, even though I'm not a relative and feel ill will toward Sharon? -– CONFUSED WITH THE PROTOCOL, CHICAGO
DEAR CONFUSED: Yes, you should, because to do otherwise is to punish a child who had nothing to do with the breakup of your sister's marriage. And while you're at it, how about sending your niece and nephews a box of stationery and a note explaining the importance of acknowledging gifts? If you get that message across, it will be more valuable to them than any material possession you could give them.