DEAR ABBY: I am an airline employee and have the privilege of giving my children (over age 25) discount airline passes. I am divorced, and their dad lives in Oregon. He is very wealthy.

My children have asked for passes to visit him this summer. Abby, the cost will come out of my paycheck, amounting to $300. Also, these passes are standby, which means they may or may not get on the airplane. It seems to me that if he wants to see his children and grandchildren, he should pay for the airline tickets so that they will have assured seats on whatever flight they take.

How can I communicate this to my children without any hurt feelings or animosities? I have a good relationship with them, and I'd like to keep it that way. -- IN A BIND IN TEXAS

DEAR IN A BIND: Explain your position to your children as you explained it to me. Tell them of the very real possibility that some of their party will be "bumped" if they try to fly using your passes, and that the cost of them will put you in a financial bind. Therefore, their father should be a good grandpa and spring for the tickets, since he can well afford to.

DEAR ABBY: I recently read in your column about children running wild in a restaurant. This situation is familiar to me because I am a server at a five-star resort.

Abby, I'm not against children -- I have two of my own -- but I strongly object to children running freely in a busy establishment.

Children are in real danger when they run loose in a restaurant. The trays we carry can weigh upward of 20 pounds when loaded with hot entrees, and the coffee in the pots would most definitely scald a child. Also, a server could be seriously injured were he or she to stumble over a child.

Of course, the parents would never admit the child caused the accident; servers are always made out to be the bad guys. I blame the parents for not protecting their children by insisting they sit at the table out of harm's way.

In the interest of child safety (and server safety), please print my letter. -- MIKE ALLEN, ALDERSON, W.VA.

DEAR MIKE: I'm pleased to print your letter. In the interest of everyone's safety -- including the establishment's -- I'm surprised more of them don't post a disclaimer that the restaurant refuses to accept responsibility for injuries to unaccompanied children. It might serve as a reminder to parents who bring small children and then become so engrossed in conversation that they tune their little ones out.

Wise parents make sure they are prepared in advance when taking their child to an "adult" environment. They bring along children's books, paper and crayons to keep the little ones amused, because children have short attention spans and it's unfair to expect them to sit in silence through a long meal.

Parenthood is hard work. It takes patience, diligence and sacrifice to do the job properly. Parents who allow their children to run loose in restaurants are shirking their responsibility.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Confused in Richmond." I disagree with your reply. There should be no question as to which is more important, your family or your pets.

My wife and I retired from the Northwest to Nevada several years ago. We have children and grandkids still in the Northwest. We visit them at least once a year, and yes, we have a dog. We think the world of our dog, and she's our constant companion, but there is no way we would even consider taking her with us when we go to visit the kids. There is also no way we would ever allow anyone to share with us the cost of a motel just because we feel we should have our pet with us.

When we visit the kids, we hire a house sitter to watch the house as well as our dog. Perhaps the reason the dog in question is having "accidents" is because it is stressed from being away from familiar surroundings. It's possible that "Confused in Richmond's" parents don't realize they are doing more harm than good to their pets.

"Confused" should talk to her parents and tell them she loves to have them visit, but the pets are just too much of a problem. If her parents are like a lot of us grandparents, she'll find out that those visits with the kids and grandkids are far more important than our pets. If her parents continue to insist that the pets are more important, I feel sorry for them, and they are the losers. -- HAPPY IN NEVADA

DEAR HAPPY: If "Confused's" parents were as considerate and reasonable as you, she wouldn't have needed to write to me. I suggested a motel that caters to pets as a possible solution because I was unsure whether her parents would consent to be apart from their pets. However, your comment that the animals might be having "accidents" because they were in unfamiliar surroundings is worth considering -- and your suggestion of a pet sitter is a good one. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Confused in Richmond" wrote that her parents insist on bringing their cat and dog when they come to visit because they don't want to put their "babies" in a kennel.

I am a 78-year-old senior citizen and I supplement my income by pet sitting. I stay in the pet owners' home while they are gone. The demand is so great I often have to refer jobs to other senior citizens who also do this kind of work. It's a great job. The pets are happy to be in their own home. The owners are happy, the people they visit are happy and I am happy.

Those parents should check with their church, senior center and/or other pet owners to find a reliable sitter. -- LOVES DOGS AND CATS

DEAR LOVES DOGS AND CATS: If you are happy, the owners are happy and the pets are happy -- then I am happy for ALL of you, and I won't pick a bone with you.

However, some people are uneasy at the thought of a "stranger" staying in their house. For pet owners who suffer from separation anxiety, a motel that caters to pets is the ideal situation.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you have time to read only one book this year, make it "Front Row at the White House" by veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas. Helen has known every president from Kennedy to Clinton. The publisher is Simon & Schuster; you are sure to find it on the shelf at your favorite bookstore.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Several years ago, Richard J. Kent, a retired colonel who served in the U.S. Air Force, sent me a poem he'd written as a tribute to his father. I have kept it in my book of special treasures. Today I'm sharing it in honor of fathers, stepfathers and grandfathers everywhere. Read on:

A BELATED GRACE

by Richard J. Kent, Springfield, Va.

Make me half the man my father was

And I'll know that I've been blest.

Give me half his courage and loving care

And a kingdom I'll possess.

When I was young and foolish

I heard but I didn't hear

His words of wisdom, his sound advice,

The need to persevere.

When I grew older and wiser,

I saw what I hadn't seen:

His strength to cope with adversity

And do it with dignity.

No need for the Ten Commandments

When I came to a fork in the road.

I had only to think what he would have done

And again, he'd carry my load.

Make me half the father to my two sons

As the father he was to me

And I know that I will rest at peace

Throughout eternity.

DEAR ABBY: Your columns about random acts of kindness prompt this letter. I'd like to tell you about some people I'll never forget.

I was taking the train to Oklahoma from Chicago for my Christmas vacation during World War II. I stood on the platform while all the servicemen boarded, and soon the train was packed. The conductor leaned out, announced, "There is no room for you!" and closed the door. I was standing in the snow and it was getting dark, and all I could think of was, "Will I ever get home?"

Then a couple of the cooks leaned out of the dining car and said I could ride with them. They had such wonderful smiles and laughs. They pulled me up, put an apron on me, and sat me beside a big, warm, pot-bellied stove. After they had served everyone else, they cooked a wonderful meal for me. It was so much fun.

When we arrived in St. Louis, they took my luggage and we ran through all the steam until we found the train going to Oklahoma. I'll never forget them, and think of them often. -- ANN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANN: You must be a person "of a certain age" to remember train travel when the industry was in its glory. Those were wonderful times.

The dining car staff was generous to take you under their wing, and you probably received better service than any other passenger.

DEAR ABBY: I recently saw a celebrity actually show his bare backside on a daytime talk show.

If this is called "mooning," what is it called when a woman lifts up her blouse and shows her bare breasts? -- CURIOUS IN BRADFORD, VT.

DEAR CURIOUS: Exhibitionism!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)