DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my second husband, "Jack," for six years. We have two children. One is my son "Tommy" by a previous relationship. The other is our 3-year-old daughter, "Elizabeth." (Tommy's birth father has never been a part of his life.)

The problem is, Jack treats Tommy differently from the way he treats Elizabeth. He chastises Tommy when the TV is too loud, when he slams the door (I don't often consider it a slam), and rarely wants to spend any money on Tommy for haircuts, shoes, clothes, etc. If Elizabeth does any of the above, he doesn't "hear" it. If I buy something for our daughter, he seems content with it. He rarely has conversations with Tommy unless he's correcting him. A neighbor even noticed this and mentioned it to me.

If I try to discuss the situation, Jack becomes defensive and denies it, and the conversation ends. One day we did clear the air, and he said that Tommy is a constant reminder of my past relationship. Abby, Jack is the only father my son has ever known, and Tommy loves him. I don't want Tommy treated differently because of my life history -- he has done nothing wrong.

What's ironic is that Jack used to criticize one of his relatives because she treated her stepson differently from her own. I see the early stages of this in my husband. -- HEARTBROKEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Since your husband has finally admitted that there's a problem, now is the time to take the initiative. Tell him that his behavior is extremely unfair and that you can no longer tolerate it because it's psychologically damaging to your son. Ask your physician for a referral to a family counselor who can straighten out your husband's thinking and help Tommy rebuild his self-esteem. If your husband refuses to cooperate, go to the counselor yourself, and take your son.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me. He said he wants to date other people.

Abby, he has been a part of my life for two years and he's my best friend in all the world. I know that time heals all wounds, but how can I be around him when I still love him so dearly? He still wants to see me, and I wouldn't ever think of throwing our friendship away. But being around him, I can't help but think of how much I love him. Any coping tips? -- BROKENHEARTED, LAKE FOREST, ILL.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: It's next to impossible to be close to someone who has rejected you and not bleed. Therefore, I would recommend at least a short "recess" in this friendship. Wear a heavy rubber band loosely around one wrist. Every time you get depressing thoughts of him, snap the rubber band. The pain in your wrist will distract you from the pain in your heart.

Face it: Getting over a romance is like quitting smoking. Although it's traumatic, "cold turkey" is the most effective and least painful way to do it. If you sneak a puff here, and sneak a puff there, you'll never get the nicotine out of your system.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You missed the mark on your advice to the bald boater's wife. Her husband doesn't need a video to show him that he's bald. He knows it, and would probably regard a video shoved in his face as another disparaging insult that we bald guys are used to.

Abby, his wife should be supportive, positive and encouraging. From the tone of her letter, it appears her approach has been the opposite. I can almost hear her saying, "Your hair looks terrible that way." A more positive approach might help him feel more comfortable about trying a more realistic solution to his baldness. Perhaps she should say, "Honey, I think you'd look very sexy in a buzz cut."

I had a "comb-over" years ago. It got to the point that it was inconvenient to style, difficult to keep in place and ineffective to the point of looking ridiculous. I was aware that it didn't produce the effect I wanted, but I mistakenly thought it was better than nothing.

Finally, after I read a poll in which women named the sexiest man on television, I accepted the fact that there's nothing wrong with being bald. Do you know who they chose? Patrick Stewart, the totally bald captain who starred in "Star Trek, The Next Generation"! (He's also a much-admired Shakespearean actor.) The compassion, poise, strength and charm he conveyed were more meaningful to female viewers than his lack of hair. If a man possesses those qualities, his hair (or lack thereof) will seem trivial to those who matter to him. -- NO HAIR, NOOO PROBLEM, CARY, ILL.

DEAR NO HAIR, NOOO PROBLEM: Off the top of my head, I can think of three other much-admired bald actors: Robert Duvall, Louis Gossett Jr. and Hector Elizando. If I put on my thinking cap, I'm sure I could come up with others.

Currently, bald is "in," and many men shave their heads to acquire what nature gives to a lucky few. Luxurious locks are NOT a requirement for love, happiness and success, so guys, if you're uncomfortable with options such as transplants or styling, forget bad "fixes." Embrace the slogan "Bald is beautiful" -- and flaunt it.

DEAR ABBY: When it comes to hair, as with most things, there's a distinct double standard between men and women. Women feel it's their place to be critical of men who try to make the most of what hair they have by combing it over their bald or thinning pates. This despite the fact that women spend millions annually on wigs, falls, rats, wiglets and various sorts of hair extenders. Shame on them.

What if a man were to tell his wife, "Dear, why don't you throw away all those bleaches, dyes, lotions and curlers? I'd still love you if you let your hair go thin and stringy and gray." Why should women persist in living in a state of denial? As you say, facing the problem head on and dealing with it is a better solution.

Yeah. RIGHT! -- COMBS OVER IN EVERETT, WASH.

DEAR COMBS OVER: At the risk of appearing contentious, I'm for anything that WORKS. The problem with most comb-overs is they are obvious. A male reader put it very well: "It took me a long time to realize that what women find attractive are men who are relaxed and comfortable about who they are. Once I realized that, I cut my hair short and my wife thinks it's wonderful."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Less than two weeks ago, I lost a friend of more than 40 years. He had been in poor health for the better part of two years and succumbed to the many complications of emphysema. He left a wife and two adult children.

The evening before the funeral, there was a viewing that was attended by many friends and relatives. At that time, his sister told the widow she would like to take some pictures of the floral arrangements, some of which were sent by relatives in the Midwest. She wished to send these relatives some pictures. She was given permission, as long as she took only snapshots of the flowers, and not the open casket. The sister-in-law agreed to abide by this.

The grieving widow had no sooner left the room than the deceased's sister proceeded to take snapshots of her brother in the open casket! At the graveside service the next morning, she also took snapshots of the people attending the service, and even went so far as to take pictures of the casket as it was being lowered into the ground. When the widow learned of it later, she was furious.

She called her sister-in-law the following day and expressed shock and disappointment that anyone would commit such a morbid, insensitive and uncaring act. The sister-in-law rationalized that the pictures were her own personal memento of her brother -- since he looked so good, better than she had seen him look in a long time. The widow demanded the exposed roll of film, for which she offered to reimburse her sister-in-law, but was refused.

Abby, what do you think of this? Should the sister-in-law have taken those pictures? -- ONE WHO HAS LOST A FRIEND

DEAR ONE WHO HAS LOST A FRIEND: The sister-in-law was wrong to promise the widow she would refrain from photographing the open casket and then going back on her word. However, everyone grieves in his or her own way -- and if a sibling would find comfort in having pictures of her brother in his coffin, who am I to argue? It's not something I would want to revisit; however, I'm sure this situation isn't a first. What is interesting is her statement that her brother's corpse looked better than he did when he was still alive.

DEAR ABBY: I was sitting in a restaurant at noon, enjoying lunch with my husband. Sitting at a window table directly ahead of us was a nicely groomed older couple.

Abby, this woman whipped out her compact and a pair of tweezers and proceeded to pluck the hairs from her chin and neck! Her husband just stared off into space. Our server told us the couple are regular customers, and she does this every time she comes in.

I know some of the old rules of etiquette have relaxed in recent years, but now I've seen everything. Abby, what do you think? -- HARRIETT IN HOLLYWOOD

DEAR HARRIETT: I think the woman displayed bald indifference to common table manners. A quick lipstick application is acceptable in public; however, any procedure that lasts more than 30 seconds is a no-no and should be performed in the powder room.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)