DEAR ABBY: I have never written you before, but I have a big problem.

My best friend of 26 years got drunk at my 50th birthday party. I begged and pleaded with her, asked her for her keys, and offered to have her spend the night at my house -- or let me drive her home. The only alternative was to get physical and forcibly take her keys. That wasn't an option.

My friend is 61 years old and a great-grandmother. She got a DUI that night. She blames the DUI on me! I offered to loan her $2,000 for the lawyer because we have been friends for such a long time. One day I was her best friend and received a beautiful birthday card and gifts. The next day I was the world's biggest heel.

My friend reads your column. Please comment on this. I decided not to talk to her anymore because I feel betrayed. This isn't the first time she has gotten drunk and driven her car. It's just the first time she got caught. I am very hurt. -- BEST-FRIENDLESS

DEAR BEST-FRIENDLESS: There is a term for your former best friend's behavior. It's called "displaced anger." What it means is that your friend is unable to direct her anger at what happened where it belongs -- at herself for her foolish judgment and refusal to admit she has a problem with alcohol. Therefore she is aiming it at you. For the sake of a 26-year friendship, I hope she recognizes the unfairness of her actions. Right now it's easier for her to blame you than to blame herself. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: This has been bothering me for many months. I am a senior citizen member of a musical group that presents a major concert during the holiday season.

Many of our members have sons, daughters and grandchildren. Sometimes not one family member will come to the concert. They are all "too busy."

Yet Grandma and Grandpa are expected to attend ALL sports events, glee club performances, pageants, cheerleading contests -- nursery school through college graduations, etc. Believe me, some of those events are boring, too. But Grandma and Grandpa sit through them proudly.

My question to all is, "Is sitting through a concert too much of a sacrifice?" -- HURT IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR HURT: In the interest of family solidarity, it shouldn't be. Everybody needs positive strokes at one time or another.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my fiance for more than three years. My parents are upset and show their disapproval when they send us letters or cards on various occasions.

They address the mail to us as "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, C.L." The letters mean "common law." The postman has asked what the letters represent. I answered, "It's a joke between mother and me."

How can I get my parents to stop using the letters on correspondence and greeting cards? -- UNHAPPY PEGGY, FULTONDALE, ALA.

DEAR UNHAPPY PEGGY: Get married!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our national flag, "Old Glory," does not get the respect today that it deserves. The enclosed piece titled "Remember Me?" may remind our citizens to respect it and honor those who have died in battle so that "Old Glory" could continue to fly over the land of the free. Please print it again. -- CLAY MATTHEWS, WORLD WAR II VETERAN, RIO LINDA, CALIF.

DEAR CLAY: Thank you for reminding me of this moving piece. Today is Flag Day, and I'm reprinting it to remind American citizens to respect our national flag, and in turn, honor our veterans who bravely fought in days past, and our servicemen and women taking part in the Kosovo operations even now.

REMEMBER ME?

by David C. Graham

Hello. Remember me? Some people call me Old Glory, others call me the Star-Spangled Banner, but whatever they call me, I am your flag, the flag of the United States of America.

Something has been bothering me, so I thought I might talk it over with you -- because it is about you and me.

I remember some time ago, people would line up on both sides of the street to watch the parade, and naturally I was leading every one, proudly waving in the breeze.

When your daddy saw me coming, he immediately removed his hat and placed it against his left shoulder so that his hand was directly over his heart -- remember?

And you, I remember, were standing there, straight as a soldier. You didn't have a hat, but you were giving the right salute. Remember your little sister? Not to be outdone, she was saluting the same as you with her right hand over her heart -- remember?

What happened? I'm still the same old flag. Oh, I've added a few more stars since you were a boy, and a lot more blood has been shed since those parades of long ago.

But now, somehow, I don't feel as proud as I used to feel. When I come down your street, you just stand there with your hands in your pockets. You may give me a small glance, and then you look away. I see children running around you shouting; they don't seem to know who I am.

I saw one man take his hat off, then he looked around, and when he didn't see anybody else take off their hat, he quickly put his on again.

Is it a sin to be patriotic today? Have you forgotten what I stand for, and where I have been? Anzio, Guadalcanal, Korea and Vietnam!

Take a look at the memorial honor rolls, and see the names of those patriotic Americans who gave their lives to keep this republic free. When you salute me, you are actually saluting them.

Well, it won't be long until I'll be coming down your street again. So when you see me, please stand straight and place your hand over your heart, and I'll know that you remembered. I'll salute you by waving back!

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to be married during the summer of 2000. Most of our plans are working out well -- except for one.

I don't believe in the Bible, or the devil or God -- and my fiance believes there is "something" out there, but not necessarily a god. So the question is, if a clergyman can't marry us, who could that won't make us say or do anything "religious"? -- FRUSTRATED IN BREMERTON, WASH.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Since you prefer not to have a religious ceremony, enlist the services of a justice of the peace or a judge.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My purpose in writing to you is to ask for your assistance in recognizing all the citizens across our country who take time away from their work and, in some instances, their families, to serve as jurors. They may serve in criminal cases ranging from misdemeanors to death penalty trials, and in civil trials from dog-bite cases to complex business litigation. It's an often difficult and sometimes thankless task, but we in the courts want people who serve as jurors to know how much their participation means to the judges, attorneys and parties in these trials, and how vital each individual juror is to the success of the whole system.

We believe a sense of humor is always helpful in surviving one's "tour of duty." With that in mind, I'd like to dedicate this poem by one of our court's staff to all jurors -- past, present and future:

A JUROR'S PRAYER

I sat around for half a day before they called my name,

And now I'm in the jury box and wondering why I came.

It's 2:00 p.m., I ate too much, and now I'm on the nod,

Oh please, just help me stay awake 'til 5:00 o'clock, dear God.

Thanks, Abby, for helping us spread the word. -- ALAN SLATER, JURY COMMISSIONER, SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA, COUNTY OF ORANGE

DEAR ALAN: I'm pleased to publicize your message. I'm certain that anyone who has ever sat on a jury will identify with your "Juror's Prayer." Kudos to those who perform their civic duty despite the disruption in their daily lives. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before. Yesterday, I completed jury duty, having served six days. I had the honor to serve on the jury of a murder trial. On a positive note, my fellow jurors and I were treated very well. Every effort was made to keep us comfortable. The judge was fair and impartial. The experience was interesting and educational, and I was proud to be part of the American judicial system.

On the negative side, I was extremely disappointed and quite disgusted with the attitudes of virtually everyone outside the court. The first day, about 200 potential jurors showed up. I overheard numerous conversations of people scheming to get dismissed. Once the jury was selected, most people asked why I didn't try to get out of it. My boss (I work full time) was upset and worried that things wouldn't get done. My co-workers were upset they would have to fill in while I was out. All but a few members of my family seemed annoyed and worried about how my jury duty would inconvenience my spouse and my children. All this when the defendant's future was at stake.

I didn't mind the inconvenience because I truly believe it is my duty and honor to serve when called to do so.

It troubles me that so many "average" people try to get out of serving jury duty. I was made to feel almost ashamed that I WANTED to serve. If I don't do it, who is left to serve? Being called to jury duty is an honor and privilege. More Americans should respond to it as such, and show respect to those who serve. -- FRUSTRATED JUROR, UPSTATE N.Y.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I hope that at least one person who reads your letter (and preferably 12) decides not to shrink his or her responsibility when the summons arrives. In this country, we're supposed to be tried by a jury of our peers -- and the only way to guarantee that is for all of us to shoulder our fair share of the responsibility when called upon.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)