DEAR ABBY: Now, after the recent school shootings, I have a genuine reason to write to you to tell you just how much I disagreed with you every time you said a child's room and belongings are their private business, and parents should respect this so-called "privacy" and not snoop. BULL!

Now I no longer feel guilty for all the times I secretly "invaded" my kids' privacy by reading their diaries and going through their backpacks and purses, dresser drawers and closets, and even eavesdropping on their phone conversations. If the kids don't have anything to hide, they shouldn't need to worry. Call me a snoopy mom, but I know what my kids are up to, what their plans are and who they plan to do it with, and I no longer feel guilty whatsoever, thank you, ma'am! -- SNOOPY MOM, EDNA, TEXAS

DEAR SNOOPY MOM: Interest, or concern, is not spying. Until children reach legal age, parents are responsible for their health, education and growth. If children are overly secretive about what's going on in their lives, of course their parents will pry. If parents have a legitimate reason to question their child's honesty, it's only common sense to check. But nosiness is not a legitimate reason, especially if teens have proven by their actions that they can be trusted.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 46-year-old woman who married a 41-year-old man in January of this year. It's my second marriage and his first.

He hasn't told me he loves me since the day we were married. When I share my needs with him, he doesn't respond in a reassuring way. He usually gets hurt or mad, and ignores me as if he's the injured party. Among other issues, here's the clincher: He has not told his parents or other family members that we are married. We both told my parents about the engagement and that we were being married in a private ceremony. (My parents didn't really understand that part.)

His excuse for not telling his parents is that he wants to make sure our marriage works, plus he doesn't want to hear any negative feedback. However, his mother has introduced me to others as her "future daughter-in-law." Also, he wanted a "private and confidential" marriage. I went along with it because he promised me we would have a church wedding and a honeymoon in about a year. Recently he has started saying he no longer wants another ceremony, claiming, "We're married and it's a done deal."

I feel our wedding vows of "love, honor and cherish" are all a big lie. I feel he's dishonoring me by not telling his parents. He's leading them to believe we're living together in sin. He is also talking about his first love when he was 17, and a recent crush that a 20-year-old young woman at work has on him. He wants to buy her a card and a rose for her birthday. I thought that was a gift for someone with romantic intentions.

It hasn't even been six months, and already our marriage is a disaster. I know the first year is difficult, but this is just too much. I'm so hurt. I'm torn between honoring my marriage vows and calling it quits. What should I do? -- HURT AND CONFUSED, FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: It takes two people working together to build a successful marriage. Offer your husband the option of sharing the news of your nuptials with his family and of seeking marriage counseling immediately. If he gives you an argument, lose this loser.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to comment on the letter from the couple who didn't want to honeymoon with their in-laws on a cruise. My husband and I were married in 1958. I lived in Louisiana. His parents were from Pennsylvania and came to our wedding. We were delighted to have them come that distance to attend. Their other son, Mike, was stationed in Biloxi, Miss., so a couple of days after the wedding my husband, his parents and I went to visit Mike in Biloxi. En route, we stopped in New Orleans and had the time of our lives. My in-laws paid all the expenses, as we were living on a shoestring. We had many laughs later about my in-laws coming along on our honeymoon.

My husband and I have since taken many trips. We've been to Europe three times, to Canada, and have traveled all over the United States. I dare say NONE of these trips was more fun than the honeymoon trip with my husband's mom and dad. By the way, Dad died in 1987. My mother-in-law died April 6. I say: Let your in-laws go with you. You won't regret it. -- MRS. BOB (LAURA) LAUER, POWELL, TENN.

DEAR LAURA: Your letter is a standout, particularly from the batch of mail "Honeymooning With the In-Laws" generated. Most contained dire warnings that the young woman should "run for the hills" while she still could -- or that the couple should stand together and lay down the law to his mother. Read on for the reaction of a reader who simply empathized:

DEAR ABBY: I feel for that bride. She has a mother-in-law who wants to share EVERY DETAIL of their life -- every special moment. That "mature woman" had better get a life of her own.

My mother-in-law didn't go on our honeymoon with us, but she finished unwrapping our wedding gifts "for us" and left them nicely displayed. She picked up our wedding album from the photographer and saw the pictures before we did. She wanted to tell us when to have our family (when I had morning sickness, she said, "Don't you wish you had waited?"). My in-laws also went on most vacations with us.

I hope that young woman loves her fiance a great deal, so their marriage lasts, as ours has. Good luck, honey, you have my sympathy. Sign me ... BEEN THERE

DEAR BEEN THERE: You deserve kudos for your ability to tolerate the frailties of others. I hope your mother-in-law realizes what a prize her son snagged when he married you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When our son told us he was going to get married in Rome, my wife and I discussed our options. We informed Steve that we would not just fly to Italy for the wedding; we would vacation in Sicily afterward. A few days later, Steve phoned to ask if he and his bride could go with us. Consequently, the bride, the groom and nine of their friends joined us.

The bride selected "bed and breakfast" accommodations and places to visit. We stayed in a castle at the foot of Mount Etna and at homes on farms. We saw all the highlights of Sicily. It was the best honeymoon I have ever been on, and gave my wife and me a chance to know and love our daughter-in-law even more. Honeymooning with the in-laws can be a great happening. -- RONALD L. SECORD, GLENDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR RONALD: Thank you for a thought-provoking letter. A honeymoon with the in-laws is like skinny-dipping. If all parties are willing, it can be terrific. If one party has reservations about it, it probably won't be much fun.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago I lost my first wife. About a year and a half later I remarried. My kids were adults and on their own. My new wife still had children in high school. I helped all of them to get their first car, and sometimes worked on their cars to keep them running. When they have problems or need money, I have been the one they came to for help.

My grown children try to work out their own problems and hardly ever come to me for help. When my wife's kids have problems with their marriages, they stay at our home. One has been with us for several months now. Another thinks we should baby-sit two or three times a week. When I say anything to my wife, she gets upset.

I'm retired now and would like to have my home back for my wife and me to enjoy our retirement. I worked for more than 40 years to enjoy retirement -- now I hate every day of it.

I've considered leaving, but with the laws as they are, she would get half of my retirement, and she never worked to put anything into it. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had not remarried. I would have been happier living by myself. -- HATES EVERY DAY

DEAR HATES: It's possible that when your wife's children were in high school, you overindulged them. However, you are all adults now, and it is time for them to accept responsibility for themselves. You are overdue for a talk with them. If your wife feels unable to bring herself to talk to them with you -- do it alone.

After 40 years of hard work, you are entitled to some happiness in your retirement. If you are truly as unhappy as your signature indicates, talk to a lawyer about your options, and what your wife is entitled to if you and she should separate. It may not be as much as you fear.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a reader signed "Ex-Seminarian" discussing the topic of Immaculate Conception. He stated that according to Christianity, Immaculate Conception refers to Mary's having been born without the stain of sin (original sin). Well, I take exception to that statement.

There is absolutely no biblical reference to Mary, the mother of Jesus, having been born without "original sin." The Immaculate Conception refers to just that -- Jesus was conceived while Mary was a virgin. The concept of Mary being born without sin is something the Catholic Church has perpetuated for many years. She was certainly chosen by God to bear his son, but by no means or biblical reference was she without sin. This is merely man-made doctrine with no biblical basis.

You are NOT confused, Abby. It is "Ex-Seminarian" who is confused. -- MARINO GARCIA, CINCINNATI

DEAR MARINO: Perhaps. You weren't the only one to point this out. I should have caught the misstatement "according to Christianity" and corrected it to read "according to the doctrine of the Roman Catholic Church." Other Christians may not accept the doctrine of the Immaculate Conception, but the term is properly used to describe the circumstances of Mary's conception, not Jesus'.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)