DEAR ABBY: On Jan. 11, 1994, my nephew made a fatal mistake. He accepted a ride from a man who had been drinking. Three hours later, we received a call from my nephew's wife -- he was on a respirator and was not expected to survive due to severe brain damage. It seems the driver had trouble making a curve in the road because he was speeding and intoxicated. The car struck a tree. The driver left him and the scene. Although it was a horrible shock, certain staff members at the hospital were able to guide us to the decision to donate his organs and tissue.

Death is never easy or painless, but take it from me -- grief can be transformed into an energy that can save the lives of so many. The death of one person can spare the lives of five or more people, and can even give sight to the blind.

There are also living donors: kidney, bone marrow, blood, red cells and platelets -- the possibilities are endless.

On April 16, I took my nephew's daughter to Washington, D.C., for the 1999 National Donor Family Recognition Ceremony. My family was joined by my nephew's kidney recipient. It was a celebration of a life that is burning brightly in others.

We still miss him very much, but we have been shown by God that there is no death. I encourage all to find a way to give. Even the smallest donation is larger than none. -- LORI NELSON, FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR LORI: Your letter carries a powerful and positive message.

The most frequent source of transplant organs are the estimated 6,000 to 10,000 people who die of brain death each year in intensive care units in hospitals. Most of the donors are otherwise healthy individuals who are injured in freeway accidents, shootings or other tragedies.

The biggest obstacle in organ procurement is resistance on the part of families. Although health-care professionals request that families donate, many families who are approached are reluctant to permit it. That is why it is vital that those who want to become organ donors explain their wishes to their families early on. Organ donation cannot take place without the approval of the survivors.

DEAR ABBY: I wonder whether you may have missed the boat in your recent response to "Concerned Friend in Berkeley," who felt that an unmarried male friend was unhappy being the only unattached member of a group of friends made up of couples. You suggested that she discreetly seek to involve some single women in the group's activities and "let nature take its course."

However, reading between the lines of her description of her friend as "too shy to seek out a relationship, too proud to let his friends introduce him to a woman, and too private to discuss his feelings in depth," it sounds quite possible that he might in fact be gay, but deeply closeted (perhaps seeking to deny it even to himself).

One should not, of course, jump too hastily to such a conclusion, but neither should the very real possibility be overlooked. There are still many such people in this day of relative openness. -- JIM RICKETSON, RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR JIM: That's true. However, he could also be a person who enjoys being single, and feels no compulsion to bring a date if there's no one in whom he's particularly interested.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My problem concerns my roommate. We are both third-year college students who transferred to a university together last summer. Because we moved here together, there was no urgency to go out and make new friends. However, I have begun joining clubs and getting involved with church on my own.

My roommate doesn't say anything when I go out with my new friends, but she's obviously miffed when I return. If I try to get her involved, she clings to me and makes fun of the other people in the group. She doesn't enjoy doing many of the things I do, and acts sullen and bored when I include her but gets upset if I don't.

Our lease will expire in August, and we recently received a letter asking whether or not we would be renewing. Both of us agreed that we wouldn't live here next year because it's too expensive, so she keeps asking when I want to go apartment hunting. Abby, I have already been looking secretly, and I don't know how to tell her I prefer not to live with her anymore. I still consider her a friend, and I don't want to hurt her.

What should I do? Another friend tells me that "the devil I know is better than the one I don't know," and that I should just live with my current roommate again next year. -- IN A BIND IN BOSTON

DEAR IN A BIND: Part of the learning experience in going away to school is meeting new people and adjusting to new situations. Since you are no longer comfortable living with your present roommate, she must be told ASAP that you intend to make other arrangements. That will give her plenty of time to find comfortable living quarters for herself.

Be prepared to stand firm, because if she's as dependent as you have described, she'll try to argue and maneuver you into changing your mind. Firmly stress that you still want to be her friend, but that it's important that you both grow and spread your wings during your senior year of college.

DEAR ABBY: May I remind people that there are single fathers who care for their children? Most people seem to think that only mothers have custody of young children. Believe me, a number of single fathers are raising their children.

A few years ago, I took my 20-month-old daughter into the men's room to change her diaper. On the way in, I saw a woman look at me in shock and horror that I was taking a baby girl into the men's room.

Another customer had a different reaction. She said, "Isn't that sweet! Her father is taking care of her." I wanted to shout: "No, it's not sweet. She is my daughter and I love her. I am not trying to be 'sweet.' I am trying to take care of her and raise her with morals, feelings for others, and the ability to stand on her own two feet someday and contribute to society."

Abby, the bottom line is people should be aware that there are able single fathers as well as single mothers. -- DOUGLAS L. GAYNOR IN VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR DOUGLAS: In case anyone has forgotten -- I'm printing your reminder. I salute you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to respond to the woman who was uncomfortable with the thought of visiting a nude beach after having a mastectomy. I run a travel agency specializing in nudist destinations, and have seen literally thousands of nude people. I feel qualified to tell "Survivor" she is not alone.

I have seen people of all ages, shapes and sizes, colors, heights and weights. Most of them look like the ordinary folks you see at church or the grocery store. However, I have also seen people with surgical scars, stretch marks, missing arms or legs, piercings, tattoos, wheelchairs -- and lots of mastectomies. I had spinal surgery as a child, which left me with a large scar on my back. If people don't like the scar, they don't have to look.

It's not a beauty contest. Nudists are among the friendliest, most accepting people in the world. They don't judge others by their looks. Please tell "Survivor" to think of her mastectomy as a battle scar, the result of her war with cancer. It shows she won. She should enjoy the freedom and the appreciation of her husband, who sounds like a real gem. -- TRAVELING AU NATUREL, LAND O'LAKES, FLA.

DEAR AU NATUREL: Although some readers were shocked that I didn't take "Survivor's" husband to task for even suggesting a trip to a nude beach, I'm pleased that by far the majority of the comments have been positive. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I had to have one of my feet amputated. To have a body part voluntarily amputated is one of the hardest choices I have ever had to face. It left me depressed and with a horrible body image. My friends and family were supportive, but there was still a part of me that felt very damaged.

Fortunately, I went to Australia to visit relatives and decided to make a trip to a nude beach. I was apprehensive at first, as my prosthesis was still in a transitional state and stuck out like a sore thumb. No one focused on my impairments, and I was welcomed as just another person at the beach, which meant more to me than any kind words or counseling had before.

My advice to "Survivor" is, go to the beaches, and when you feel comfortable, join the crowd in nudity. Unlike here in the states, the "perfect body" is not important. The freedom of being yourself, and being free, will mean a lot to you. Good luck, and congratulations on your continued good health. -- FEELING BETTER ABOUT MYSELF IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR FEELING BETTER: I'm sure "Survivor" will appreciate your input. Thank you for a terrific letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: About 10 years ago, when I was in my early 30s, I went to a nude beach in Vancouver, Canada. It was a perfect, sultry summer Sunday, when one truly thanks the Lord for being alive. I was sunbathing in lazy bliss when out of the sun's glare a couple appeared. They were strolling along holding hands, laughing and talking, their love and happiness apparent.

As they drew closer, I realized the woman had had a breast removed. She was probably in her mid-40s, a truly beautiful woman, glowing in the sun. I'll never forget her. Her femininity wasn't diminished in any way. Her head was held high and her carriage was mesmerizing. She seemed proud and strong as a warrior, who had merely cut off a breast to be a better archer. It made a lasting impression on me. She taught me a lot that day about being a woman, about life and love. I'll never forget the sun goddess with only one breast. -- AN ADMIRER IN SAN FRANCISCO

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)