DEAR ABBY: Our 18-year-old daughter is a freshman in college. One morning we received a call from her roommate's mother, who is a friend of ours, letting us know that her daughter visited a tattoo parlor near the college and had gotten a tattoo on her back.

Worried and shocked, we called our daughter and discovered that she had gone too, and also had one! We discussed it with her and explained that in our country, people with tattoos are usually individuals who have been or still are in prison, and that tattoos are not reflective of our cultural background.

We love our daughter and respect most of her decisions. She has been a role model for her younger sister and brother.

Our daughter agreed to go to a dermatologist and have the tattoo removed, but we are concerned that being away at school and having so much freedom, she may make other decisions that are against our principles. Your opinion, please. -- WORRIED PARENTS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WORRIED PARENTS: Although I would never consider having a tattoo, many popular American music stars, actors and sports figures now do. However, in your daughter's case, getting a tattoo was done on an impulse, which is probably why she so quickly agreed to have it removed at your request. As a young adult, she will -- and should -- make decisions on her own. Although you, as her parents, may not agree with all of them, they are hers to make.

As for the tattoo fad, I predict that as middle age and the force of gravity converge, laser surgeons will do a booming business.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Royally Speaking," who stated that Henry VII and Henry VIII were not related to Kings Henry I through VI. This is not so!

All monarchs of England can trace their ancestry directly back to Egbert, who is considered the first king of all England and reigned from 802 to 839. Of course, not all monarchs have the same lineage.

Another interesting fact about the numbering of these monarchs before 1066 is that they were given names to tell them apart. Thus, there was Alfred the Great, Edward the Elder, Edgar the Peaceful, Ethelred the Unready and Edward the Confessor, to name a few.

William the Conqueror, in 1066, started the numbering process by being William I. He didn't like the title "The Conqueror" because he maintained he did not "conquer," but only took what was rightfully his. Since he was illegitimate, he was also known as William the Bastard. I'm sure he did not like that title either. -- ROBERT G.D. WILLIAMS, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR ROBERT THE HISTORIAN (OR ROBERT THE WISE): Several readers (including one who claimed to be a direct descendant of Oliver Cromwell, the Lord Protector of England) wrote to tell me that "Royally Speaking" had his facts wrong. Thank you for straightening out the lineage of England's eight kings named Henry.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "APPRECIATIVE IN ALBANY": The best way to repay the kindness of others is to follow John Wesley's Rule:

Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

At all the times you can,

To all the people you can,

As long as ever you can.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm at my wit's end. My brother-in-law and his wife, "Ethel," have two boys; one is 6 and the other is 3. I love them and would do anything for them, but there are times when the thought of seeing them makes my skin crawl. Their parents seem to believe that disciplining them is too much trouble, and would rather blame their bad behavior on "boys will be boys."

I have a 2 1/2-year-old daughter, "Pam." Since she could utter her first words, my husband and I have insisted she say "please" and "thank you." As she grows, we expect more manners and correct behavior from her, just as we were taught. We are not tyrants, but we believe there is a time and a place for everything. The dinner table in a restaurant (or anywhere else) is not the time or place to go running at full speed yelling at the top of their lungs.

The boys' grandmother and step-grandfather think the boys' behavior is acceptable and can't understand why we're so "strict" with Pam. It has reached the point where everyone else in the family avoids any contact with Ethel and her family, and plans things secretly.

I enjoy Ethel's company and want Pam to have a relationship with her entire family, but it's hard to explain to a 2 1/2-year-old why her cousins can jump on furniture, throw things in the house and eat ice cream for breakfast while she cannot. They also seem to think that tormenting Pam is OK, and they do it quite often. In fact, they have tried to run her over with a big wheel and have hit her with their toys. I don't want Pam to pick up on this inappropriate behavior.

When I try to intervene, their mother, father and grandmother pick them up, cradle them, then look at me and tell me the boys are just "playing" with her. I have voiced my opinion to no avail. Help me, please. -- HAD IT IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR HAD IT: Your brother-in-law and his wife have a responsibility to teach their boys what is appropriate behavior and what is not. The blame is entirely theirs. Discipline takes work, but the parents appear to be too lazy to put forth the effort. Imagine the headache when the 6-year-old must be in a structured environment -- such as school.

I don't blame the rest of the family for avoiding contact with these relatives. One out-of-control brat is hard to tolerate; two of them are too much to endure. Since Pam is too small to adequately defend herself against her unruly cousins, curtail her exposure to them.

DEAR ABBY: I wrote you recently regarding a dear friend with whom I have been corresponding for many years. After several years of receiving mail from her on little scraps of paper, I wrote to you and was advised to mail her a lovely box of stationery saying, "When I saw this, it reminded me of you and our many wonderful years of friendship, so I wanted you to have it."

I just received a letter from my friend, written on the lovely stationery I sent her, glowing with love and thanks. Thanks to you, Abby, I am ... NO LONGER SICK OF SCRAPS

DEAR NO LONGER SICK OF SCRAPS: No, no, dear lady, thank YOU. It's letters like yours that make writing this column so rewarding.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an attractive, college-educated woman. For the past 18 months, I have been living with my boyfriend, "John," an attorney in a four-man firm. About six months ago, one of his partners threw a large, formal dinner to celebrate an important firm victory. Although I had met this partner and his wife (I'll call them Mel and Alice) many times, and they knew we lived together, the invitation came addressed to "John Doe and guest."

At the dinner, John was greeted warmly and introduced to the other guests, an assortment of accomplished and well-known local socialites. I was barely acknowledged and was left standing alone as John was escorted around the room. At dinner, I was seated at Alice's table. She never addressed a single comment to me, nor did she acknowledge any of my attempts to join the conversation.

Later, Alice approached each of the other ladies and invited them to join her for a tour of her beautiful home. She left me standing in the living room alone with the men. The snubbing was so pointed that later others commented on it to John. Being socially shy and insecure anyway, I was devastated.

John and I are being married soon. I do not want this nasty woman at my wedding. Even more, I do not want to give Alice the chance to snub me again by declining my invitation. John says we have no choice but to invite them. How should I handle this? It's eating me up. -- STILL STEAMING IN S.F.

DEAR STILL STEAMING: I don't know what was eating your hostess, but don't let her appalling display of bad manners eat away at your self-esteem.

You have my sympathy, but if John feels it's necessary to invite his partners to the wedding, regard it as business and include everyone. It will be your chance to show one and all what a terrific life partner and helpmate John has selected. To do anything less than be gracious would reduce you to her level.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the teaching nun reminded me of the only teacher who treated me like I was someone special. His name was Mr. Fleming, and he was a teacher at Glenbrook North High School in Northbrook, Ill. I was a student there between 1966 and 1969.

I came from a large family. I had no confidence whatsoever and was suicidal at times. No one paid any attention to me, and I was going downhill. Then classes started, and all of a sudden there was this teacher who made each and every one of us feel important and that we could accomplish anything. Needless to say, there was always perfect attendance in his class.

The sister who instructed her students to each write down something nice about their fellow students was truly inspired. Luckily, I had Mr. Fleming -- but for students who are not so fortunate, the sister's idea could be a real blessing. Teen-agers' feelings are so tender and fragile. -- BEEN THERE IN PARKLAND, FLA.

DEAR BEEN THERE: Many former students have had teachers who influenced their lives in positive ways long after their school years were over. A wonderful way to repay the kindness is to write the teachers a letter and tell them what a difference they made. Such a letter would become a treasured keepsake.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)