DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away 11 months ago. A former co-worker advised me to take a trip to "get away from it all." I took her advice and went on the trip of a lifetime, to Greece, in September.

While I was on this trip, I met "Richard," a gentleman who had lost his wife. We hit it off and spent a lot of time getting acquainted. At one point, he bought me an expensive gift, which I tried to refuse, but he insisted I keep it. It was something I had admired but was too costly for my budget. I am not poor; I own my home, car, have some savings and own some stock. I live on a fairly small widow's pension, but if I budget and am careful I'll do fine.

After we returned to the states, Richard called me regularly, sent me flowers when I was hospitalized and has generally been a good friend. The problem is his daughter, "Liz." She dislikes me intensely.

Richard arranged to visit me for a week to meet my friends and family. They thought he was terrific and were happy for us. When I went to visit him, he had a welcome poster printed and hung in his living room. When Liz saw the poster, she tore it down and threw it in the garbage. She informed me that she did not welcome me and thought I was a "fortune hunter." She even threatened to hit me!

Liz tried to convince her father to give her power of attorney while he was out of town, as she has been handling his finances for him. His sister advised him not to let his daughter run his life, and that he should take Liz's name off his checking account and take care of his own bills. Of course, Liz thinks this was my idea. I tried to explain to her that I have no designs on her father's money, if he has any, and that we're just good friends who enjoy traveling together.

When we first got together, I told Richard I would not see him if his daughter objected. The problem is, he told me he would just "give up on life" if we couldn't see each other, and he'd rather be dead than lonely.

Abby, I am 56; Richard is 72. He lives in Michigan and I live in Montana, and neither of us wants to remarry, as it would complicate our lives.

Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. -- LONELY IN MONTANA

DEAR LONELY: Do not for one moment think that this is about you. It's about money. Since Liz pays all of her father's bills, she is aware of the expensive gift he gave you, and obviously views you as a threat to her inheritance. Unless Richard wants his daughter running his life, he needs to take control of his financial affairs.

I see no reason for you and Richard to end your friendship or forgo traveling together because of his daughter's determination to control him. My advice to both of you: Listen to your hearts.

CONFIDENTIAL TO HURT IN JUNEAU: Perhaps you misunderstood your friend. It's possible that what she said was intended as a compliment. Consider the sage words of Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841-1935) in Towne vs. Eisner (Jan. 7, 1918): "A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanging; it is the skin of a living thought and may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumstances and the time in which it is used."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was recently out for a walk with a group of women. Our plan was to have brunch together afterward. One of the women wore a baseball cap.

After we were seated, the lady removed her baseball cap and put it on the tablecloth where the next place setting would soon be. I proceeded to tell her to remove it immediately because it was inappropriate to place it on the table. She was very irritated when I corrected her. She said my opinion was stupid, raised her voice at me, and as much as said, "Shut up!"

The other women in the group didn't want to get involved. However, I informed them that placing a cap on the table was unhygienic. I asked the offender how she'd like to be seated where someone's cap had been and said I was surprised her mother had never taught her that. She finally removed it and placed it on the floor near her chair.

Abby, was I wrong to point out that headgear does not belong on tables where people eat? Isn't this something we should be taught and should teach our children? -- HATS OFF AT THE TABLE

DEAR HATS OFF: Yes, children should be taught that hats should not be placed on the dining table. However, the scene you created was more inappropriate than any breach of etiquette that may have occurred. You could have told the woman privately. By lecturing her publicly, you embarrassed everyone present.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Troubled Mom in Washington," the grandmother who is raising the little girl. I would like her to hear the granddaughter's side:

I am 22 years old and would like to urge that woman to please continue to care for the child, for the child's sake. That child needs her. When I was 8, my father was murdered in a "supposed" drug deal. My mom had a nervous breakdown and lost all connection with reality. My stepdad mooched off our Social Security checks for dope and who knows what else, and left us practically penniless. As the oldest of three children, I assumed responsibility for my brother and sister and learned quickly what it was like to be a "mom." A neighbor would help us when she could, but otherwise we were pretty much on our own.

That is, until my grandmother rescued us. That year I entered the ninth grade weighing a pitiful 78 pounds, with a smile that had been pretty hard to come by. Grandma was 60 years old when she took in my mom, my brother and me. (My half-sister went with her father.) Grandma gave us all the love we hadn't had in a long time and desperately needed, and never once made us feel we were a nuisance. Grandma is a strong woman who's 67 years old now -- and I'm very grateful to her for rescuing us. -- LOVED GRANDDAUGHTER IN DUNCANVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR LOVED GRANDDAUGHTER: Your grandma is a matriarch -- truly the head of her family, and one who leads by example. That's often not an easy role to play, and I'm sure your loving tribute is justified. Orchids to Grandma.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "DONE IT ALL IN MUSKOGEE": Don't rest on your laurels yet. As Will Rogers once said, "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last week I was in New York City for a conference. On my first evening in the hotel I noticed a large adjacent store had an entrance from the hotel lobby. As I walked quickly to the store entrance, I suddenly received a blow to my face that knocked me down, broke my glasses in half, cut my eyelid and made my nose bleed. I had walked full-stride into a plate-glass door! With bright lighting inside the door and soft lighting in the lobby, I had seen no reflection on the glass.

When I returned home this week and related my story, nearly everyone I spoke to had a similar story or knew someone who did. The incidence of injuries from this kind of accident must be staggering.

Since regulations vary from place to place, please urge your readers to place decals, logos or lettering at eye level on any plate-glass window or door that could possibly be mistaken for an opening. I have seen this done in attractive ways that promote a store's name or image. Had such a visual cue been in place, I would not have been injured. As a side note, my compulsive habit of always packing an old pair of glasses as a backup finally paid off. -- PANE-FUL EXPERIENCE, ATHENS, OHIO

DEAR PANE-FUL: I have heard about hapless individuals walking through plate-glass patio doors during swimming parties or summer barbecues, but this is the first time I've heard about its happening in a business establishment. Your suggestions are valid. I hope the management of the hotel in which the accident occurred will institute some safeguards to prevent it from happening again. It could prevent injuries, as well as protect the hotel from a lawsuit.

DEAR ABBY: Please send a wake-up call to starry-eyed women who marry for "love" and never look past their beating hearts. As cold and unromantic as it may sound, financial security should also be a consideration when making a lifelong commitment. The moment your Prince Charming adds your name to his credit cards, bank accounts or other legal documents, he can begin weaving a web that connects you tighter than any marriage contract.

Abby, there is so much more to choosing a partner than just physical attraction or "love." Lust withers, and what's left behind needs to be a secure, capable partner -- not a wimpy financial disaster. -- BEEN THERE

DEAR BEEN THERE: Many people marry for love and have strong and lasting marriages, so I'm hesitant to cast aspersions on all love matches. However, if someone marries a financially irresponsible partner, one's first thought should be damage control. The marriage might be salvageable if the responsible partner is willing to set limits on the other's imprudent spending. It could mean closing joint accounts, putting the money in the name of the responsible spouse and canceling joint credit cards. If the marriage is really a love match, there should be no difficulty in getting the necessary signatures to remedy the problem. If the problems persist, however, and there's a refusal to cooperate, the problem may be less about finances than who's in control.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)