DEAR ABBY: Last weekend, I called an old college friend and invited him and his wife -- I'll call them Carl and Sheila -- over for dinner. I was flabbergasted when he refused to accept my invitation before hearing what was on the menu and checking with Sheila!

To make matters worse, when he called back, he had "suggestions" on how to prepare each item I was planning to serve, as well as his wife's preferences for salad ingredients and dressing. I was floored! I told him I thought he and Sheila were extremely rude to dictate what I should serve in my own home.

My parents brought me up to believe that if you ask what's being served, it implies you're more interested in the food than the company. Carl says it would be more rude if they came to dinner and didn't eat what was served.

Abby, am I wrong, or do Carl and Sheila need a lesson in manners? -- STEAMED IN SALEM, MASS.

DEAR STEAMED: I can think of two reasons to justify asking you what you were planning to serve at your dinner party. The first would be if Carl or Sheila had food allergies; the second if they planned to bring the wine.

However, either one of those reasons should have been explained to you before Carl asked what you were planning to serve, and neither reason justifies telling you how they prefer their food prepared. Carl and Sheila were extremely rude, and if you wish to continue the friendship, in the future, meet them in restaurants.

DEAR ABBY: "Interested in Illinois" is unable to accept a man's reason, that she is "too young," for not wanting to see her again. She's only one of millions who fail to realize that a member of the opposite sex who gives a weak reason for not continuing a relationship is often being kind -- sparing the feelings with a white lie instead of the brutal truth. The rejected party should move on. -- ROBERT H. BICKMEYER, TROY, MICH.

DEAR ROBERT: I'm printing your letter because that's a good rule of thumb to follow in the dating world. You aren't the only reader who responded to "Interested's" letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a first-time writer, but a longtime reader. "Interested in Illinois" got my pen hand shaking and my 52-year-old wheels turning.

She said "Jim" was in the process of getting a divorce, and he told her she was "too young." That young lady should butt out! Jim has enough problems without her adding her pheromones.

Abby, please give her my address and phone number. I've been looking for "Miss Right" since my third divorce, in 1986. -- FREEZING IN BEMIDJI, MINN.

DEAR FREEZING: You're right and you're wrong. I agree that Jim has enough problems without the young woman's pheromones addling his thinking. However, you're wrong about the purpose of my column. I make it a practice never to makes matches unless I know both parties very well and can vouch for the fact that they are what they're representing themselves to be. Sorry.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a desk clerk at a hotel in Arizona, and I get hit on a lot. I think the reason probably is that I do not wear a traditional gold wedding band. I am not into diamonds and gold. My husband and I prefer simple silver and turquoise rings.

You would not believe how many rude comments I receive about my ring. When I pointed to my ring and told one man I was married, he said in an exasperated tone, "But that's not a wedding ring!" Says who? I wanted to sock him.

A co-worker referred to my husband as "your husband, your boyfriend -- whatever." I said, "Husband! We're married." He said, "Well, where's your wedding ring?"

Abby, women are the worst. Once I mention I am married, I see their eyes glance to see what kind of "rock" I have, and a mixed expression of revulsion, pity and disbelief washes over their faces. It makes me feel uncomfortable and angry. Sometimes I feel like hiding my hands to avoid this treatment. Why should I have to feel ashamed of my wedding ring?

I have considered trading in our silver and turquoise rings just to please the crowd. Abby, short of toting my wedding certificate around in my backpack, what can I do to fend off this rudeness? -- MARRIED (REALLY!) IN ARIZONA

DEAR MARRIED (REALLY!): There is nothing you can do to curb the rudeness and thoughtlessness of co-workers and hotel guests, but don't let their comments get to you.

I see no reason why you should replace the ring your husband placed on your finger. Nor should you have to carry around a copy of your marriage certificate. A better way to get your message across would be to keep a small, framed wedding photo nearby to present when words fail you.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for years but have never written. However, I felt compelled to do so after reading the letter from Donna R. Berryman, stating: "Bookstores are just what the name implies -- stores."

Abby, my husband and I own a bookstore. We do research and place special orders for our customers as well as provide many other services. We have a terrific staff consisting of teachers, math and science majors, and other college students.

Our store works hand-in-hand with a local library, and we have donated books to it as well as sent customers their way. In return, they refer people to our bookstore.

I ask that Ms. Berryman not pass judgment on bookstores. I also invite her to visit ours -- we welcome the opportunity to show her how we compare with a library. I think she would be impressed. -- SUZANNE E. LAYFIELD, LITTLE PROFESSOR BOOK CENTER, MC KINNEY, TEXAS

DEAR SUZANNE: It sounds as though you have a wonderful bookstore. Many people find it helpful to use both bookstores and libraries for their needs. Over the last 10 years, bookstores have become increasingly diverse, dynamic and customer service-oriented. However for those who cannot afford to buy books, or need help researching what they need, the library is an invaluable resource.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read with amusement the letter from "In a Bind," who wants to name her baby, if it's a boy, after her Uncle Frank. Her cousin, 2,000 miles away, also wants to name her baby after Uncle Frank, but she's not even pregnant yet. It's quite possible neither of them will have a boy, or one of them may not even get pregnant -- which would leave Uncle Frank with no namesake.

I was named "Margaret" after my mother's beloved Aunt Madge. I have a first cousin who is a year older than me who was also named Margaret, but has always been "Madge." (Her father was my mother's brother.) My mother and my uncle were neglected by their widowed, alcoholic father. It was Aunt Madge who gave my uncle a loving home after my mother left home to attend college and later marry. For this reason she was very special to my uncle. There may have been some resentment toward my mother for giving me the same name, but if so, I never heard about it. We were called by variations of the same name, and there is no animosity.

I prefer this reason, though: Aunt Madge was so special and worthy that they decided there was enough honor to go around. -- MARGARET JOHNSTON, CINCINNATI

DEAR MARGARET: That letter struck a chord with many people. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I share my name with a first cousin. It doesn't bother me, and to my knowledge, she doesn't care either.

When I gave birth to my daughter, I discovered that I had chosen the same popular first and middle names that my supervisor had named his daughter. When I told him, he smiled and replied, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

Abby, I think both cousins should lighten up and view it the way my supervisor did. -- B.B. IN SLIDELL, LA.

DEAR B.B.: Your supervisor is a wise man. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In Italian families, it is customary to name the first-born male after the paternal grandfather, the first-born female after the paternal grandmother -- then follow suit with the maternal grandparents.

My dad came from a family of nine; consequently the family consisted of many "Rosies" and "Bens." At all family gatherings, someone would call "Rosie" or "Ben," and many heads would turn in response. We considered it a privilege to have been named for our grandparents.

Those cousins can live with at least two Franks in the family. Honor your uncle! -- ONE OF A DOZEN ROSES (MY MOTHER'S TERM FOR ME)

DEAR ROSE: I'll resist the temptation to add, "... with mustard and relish." Italians are not the only ethnic group who honor relatives by naming their children after them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my Danish immigrant forebears scattered from Minnesota throughout the West, many wished to remember a beloved relative, William Hansen. Children and grandchildren were named after him.

In the late 1950s, we had a family reunion at Uncle Bill's farm near Brainerd, Minn. After a big midday farm dinner, my Great-Aunt Jessie called from the back porch, "Bill Hansen come here now!"

Abby, six males aged 5 to 65 came running. It was a hoot -- and I'll never forget it. To "In a Bind," I say, "It's a family name -- share." -- KATHRYN HANSEN, WILLIAMSBURG, VA.

DEAR KATHRYN: There's wisdom in those words. I second the motion.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)