DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful, sweet grandmother who has been going to the same beauty shop for 40 years. Her stylist, "Sue," teases and lacquers her hair until it's stiff as a board, and also gives her those frizzy perms that make her hair look like Brillo. She sleeps with her hair wrapped in toilet tissue.

For my wedding, I offered to send her to my stylist and pay for it, but she said she would feel so disloyal to Sue that she could never look her in the face again.

Abby, my beautiful grandmother showed up at my wedding looking like an apricot poodle! When I got the pictures back it almost broke my heart. What can I do to convince her that it's time for a change? -- LOVING GRANDDAUGHTER IN WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR GRANDDAUGHTER: Your grandmother sleeps with her hair wrapped in toilet tissue because she wants her "set" to last between shampoos. As much as you would like to see her adopt a softer and more contemporary style, she is satisfied with her hairstyle and comfortable with how she looks, so you should accept it. Had your grandmother been interested in changing her image, she would have accepted your offer to have her hair styled for your wedding.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper etiquette when it comes to baby showers? I have a friend who wants a shower for her second child. Her first child is only 4. She has hinted around to me about how she wants "someone" to throw her another baby shower, and she has even registered at local stores!

Abby, I don't feel comfortable giving her another shower, but she's my best friend, and I haven't heard of anyone else doing so. I always thought that you have baby showers for the first child only. Am I wrong, or is this something that's changing because of the times? -- WONDERING IN SUPERIOR, WIS.

DEAR WONDERING: In my opinion, it's improper to do it this soon. Be honest with your friend and explain why you're uncomfortable about hosting another baby shower. It's generally assumed that if the children are spaced relatively close together, the mother will save the baby items and reuse them.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "In a Bind," whose cousin didn't want her to name her baby after their uncle, reminded me of a joke one of my co-workers shared with me.

A young couple were having their first child, a girl. The wife began searching through baby books, looking for just the right name for their daughter. After several months of "research" she finally decided the perfect name was "Calliope."

Her husband disliked the name, but he was a skilled negotiator. Instead of arguing with her, he said with a broad grin: "That's a great idea! When I was in high school I dated a beautiful blonde named Calliope. Gosh! The memories that name brings back ..."

The next day, his wife informed him that she'd changed her mind. They named their daughter Caroline Alice, after both of their mothers! -- WHAT'S IN A NAME IN NEBRASKA

DEAR NAME: That's a hoot! The husband must have majored in psychology.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married this year. My fiance, "Greg," and I have decided to go on a cruise for our honeymoon. We're very excited about it and have told our families when and where we are going.

Well, about a month ago, my future mother-in-law (whom I adore) decided that she and my future father-in-law are interested in going with us. As of this week, it's official. They are booked on the same cruise.

Now I ask you, am I wrong in not wanting my in-laws along on our honeymoon? If this were just a vacation, I wouldn't be so bothered by it, but I would prefer that we go on our honeymoon by ourselves.

Greg finds it hard to tell his parents that we don't want them to go, but he says he will if I tell him to. Well, I did tell him that if my mother told me she and Dad were going, I'd tell her "No!" My problem is, I don't want my in-laws thinking I'm the one who doesn't want them. I love them too much to want to stir up trouble. -- HONEYMOONING WITH THE IN-LAWS

DEAR HONEYMOONING: You have my sympathy. It was extremely insensitive of your future in-laws to have booked passage on your honeymoon cruise without first having cleared it with you.

You and Greg seem like very nice people, but both of you could use some assertiveness training. You'll need it when coping with your mother-in-law. If Greg is reluctant to stand up to his parents now, I foresee problems in the future.

If neither of you has the courage to make your wishes known to his parents, then consider discreetly talking to your travel agent to make sure you are not seated at the same dinner table, and that your cabins are on different decks. The entire travel company will support you. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to your advice to "Mixed Up in Missouri," whose wife left their 19-year marriage for another man. When "Mixed Up" found a new love, suddenly his ex-wife wanted to come back. You told him to remain with his wife and continue marriage counseling, and to concentrate on reviving their marriage. Why should he?

His wife left him, and he had begged her to return for a year. Once he found some happiness, she couldn't handle it and wanted him back. She's obviously jealous, or her love affair with the other man ended. Abby, she can't have her cake and eat it, too. If they're fighting all the time, they're both miserable. If he was happier with his girlfriend, he should be with her. I think he should do whatever makes him happy. -- M.E. IN CHICAGO

DEAR M.E.: If the man had not felt the marriage was worth another try, he would not have broken off with the girlfriend to try to work out his problems with his wife. He asked me to help him decide what would be best for everyone involved. I advised him to concentrate his efforts on reviving his marriage. If it didn't work out, then he would know in his heart he had given 100 percent, and wouldn't have to ask me to decide what was right for him. In other words, he wouldn't need my "permission" to leave. I stand by that answer.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was intrigued by your response column about "Sick of Scraps." I can't help but wonder if I'm the only person who knows about Emily Dickinson, the great American poet who lived in Amherst, Mass., in the early 19th century. She and her sister came from a thrifty New England family and were evidently raised to "waste not, want not."

Emily Dickinson wrote many of her poems on pieces of scrap paper, the back of grocery lists, etc. After her death, her sister found little rolls of those papers, tied with ribbon, among her effects. So, one of our greatest geniuses utilized scrap paper! -- MARY LEE ROLLOW, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR MARY LEE: What an enlightening tidbit! One never knows when a bolt of inspiration will strike. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Enough of "Sick of Scraps," already. After all, did the Gettysburg Address, having been written on a used scrap piece of plain brown envelope with a pencil, diminish in any way the importance of that historical document? I think not! -- L.S., HUNTINGTON, W.VA.

DEAR L.S.: Many untrue stories have circulated about President Lincoln's famous speech. One of them is that it was written in pencil on the back of an old brown envelope while he was on the train on his way to Gettysburg. According to the World Book Encyclopedia, Abraham Lincoln actually wrote five different versions of the Gettysburg Address. Most of the first draft was written in Washington, before he traveled to Gettysburg. However, thank you for giving me the opportunity to dispel an untrue rumor -- even at this late date.

The letter from "Sick of Scraps" must have touched a great many people, because mail is still coming in about it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a mother and grandmother, I have enjoyed your column for many years, and I can relate to some of the letters, but the one from "Sick of Scraps" brought tears to my eyes.

My beloved mother sent me letters written on scrap paper after I moved to Hawaii. However, I eagerly looked forward to her "scraps" -- always surprised at what she would come up with.

On May 17, 1992, she walked several blocks to the post office, walked back home, and that evening was rushed to the hospital, where she passed away.

I will always treasure that last scrap letter. It was written on a brown piece of "junk mail" envelope and was filled with plans she had made for the two of us, as I was going home the next month to spend the summer with her.

Abby, please tell "Sick of Scraps" to enjoy the treasures her friend sends. They will be more valuable to her than any hundred-dollar stationery could ever be. -- JUNE BROWN FROM VIRGINIA

DEAR JUNE: How generous of you to want to share your last precious memory of your beloved mother. As this column illustrates, the thoughts within a letter are more important than the quality of the paper on which it was written.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)