DEAR ABBY: My cousin "April" recently learned from a family member that I am pregnant. She was also told that if we have a boy, I intend to name him "Frank" after a dear uncle who passed away recently.

April immediately telephoned me and told me I couldn't name my child after our uncle because she's trying to get pregnant and intends to use the same name. She demanded I choose a different name so she could honor our uncle in this way.

Abby, April is not pregnant, and my baby is due in June. My husband was very upset by what she said, and told me never to speak to her again. My father says that when it comes to naming a baby, the first one born is the first one named.

April thinks I'm being rude and selfish by "doing this to her." My father says it doesn't matter because we live 2,000 miles apart.

Is there a tactful way to handle this without stirring up a feud with my cousin? -- IN A BIND

DEAR IN A BIND: You say in your letter "our uncle" -- however, if Cousin April is Uncle Frank's daughter, I see her point. But if Uncle Frank was her uncle, too, I see no reason why your child shouldn't be named anything you wish. If she uses the same name, the boys could be given different middle names, which would minimize confusion -- and because they live so far apart, I doubt it would inconvenience anyone. Cousin April should lighten up.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received a copy of a wonderful poem. It's supposed to be one that Audrey Hepburn shared with her family during her last Christmas, just weeks before she died. If that's true, it says a great deal about how that much-admired woman lived her life. I don't know who the author is, but perhaps you'll find it worth sharing with your readers. -- MORTON WRIGHT, GRANADA HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR MORTON: There's some inspiring philosophy in the poem, and it's well worth sharing. Read on:

Beauty Secrets

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you never walk alone.

We leave you a tradition of the future. The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, redeemed and redeemed and redeemed. Never throw anyone away.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you'll discover that you have two hands: One for helping yourself, the second for helping others.

You have great days still ahead of you. May there be many of them.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As an animal lover, I'd like to share my story so that others may learn from my mistake.

I have had the best companion of my life, my dog Chelsey, for about seven years. Two years ago, I met "Mr. Wonderful," we fell in love, moved in together, and then the honeymoon started to deteriorate. I learned that Mr. Wonderful had a mean streak in him that I was unwilling to live with. As we arranged our breakup (settling bank accounts, dividing up furniture, etc.), Mr. W. made a very big issue out of how close he'd grown to Chelsey, and he insisted that he keep her. Against my better judgment, I let him have her.

Big mistake! To make a long story short, Mr. W. took Chelsey out to a rural area and dumped her. Mr. W. didn't want her -- he just wanted to get in one last dig at me.

So there I was, blindly thinking that the two of them were living happily ever after. Meanwhile, some kindly country folks found Chelsey and took her to the city animal shelter, where she was chosen "Pet of the Week." For this honor, she made a short appearance on one of the local TV stations' news broadcasts. I almost had a cardiac arrest when I saw my Chelsey on TV described as a "stray" found eating out of trash cans.

Abby, let this be a lesson. When you're breaking up with someone, don't let him have your beloved pet! -- PAT IN FIRCREST, WASH.

DEAR PAT: You and Chelsey are both very lucky -- first to have been reunited against great odds, and second, to have the pathological "Mr. Wonderful" out of your lives before he caused more damage.

DEAR ABBY: My letter is prompted by my frustration with insurance representatives with no medical knowledge. I am a physician, and am frequently asked by my patients to write or call on their behalf regarding a medical bill that the insurance company has denied. Many times, I am just repeating what the patient has already said to the claims person. Other times, I am engaged in disputes with claims people who don't know what they are talking about.

Recently I was explaining a disease process to an insurance representative when she haughtily informed me that she had taken a medical terminology class. Perhaps she is able to spell "nephrophthisis," but I believe her scope of knowledge ends there. Since I don't know how to fix cars, I certainly wouldn't argue with my mechanic about the automobile engine.

My colleagues report similar experiences. My patients share horror stories. I would like to hear an explanation as to why insurance companies employ people who handle claims in subjects about which they are not knowledgeable. -- FRUSTRATED DOC, UTICA, N.Y.

DEAR FRUSTRATED DOC: I suspect it has a lot to do with cost containment. If a medical professional were handling the claims, it might drive administrative costs through the roof; and if a debate actually occurred between two medically knowledgeable professionals about whether a claim should be paid, the company might find itself paying out more fees to doctors. I'd be interested in a response from insurance companies -- if it is short, sweet and to the point.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH READERS: Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all. In the words of an old Irish blessing:

May you never forget what is worth remembering,

Or remember what is best forgotten.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a male friend who is a nonstop talker. He talks constantly during a meal and doesn't even stop when eating. He's so rude that he won't let a person finish a sentence. At meetings, people sitting near him get up and move away because of his talking and complaining. My friends refuse to come over if he's going to be there.

One man said he's the only person who can carry on a conversation with himself. His son and I have both told him he talks too much. He thinks his opinions are important, but they are boring.

Abby, he's a faithful and helpful person, and he wants to marry me. We are older people and men are scarce at this age. But I must avoid stress because of medical problems. Any suggestions? -- TALKED TO DEATH IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TALKED TO DEATH: A person who does all the talking is no less a hog than the person who comes to your table and eats all the food. Your friend is ignoring the fact that being a good listener is often more important than being a good talker.

Men may be scarce in your age bracket, but from your description he appears to be self-centered, insensitive to the feelings of those around him, and probably very insecure. If your physician has advised you to avoid stress because of medical problems, try to find a mate who will be more sensitive to the feelings of those around him.

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister I love very much, but I don't understand her. Although she is 35 years old, she still relies on her family to take care of her. And if we don't do it quickly enough, she gets an attitude and won't speak to us for weeks at a time.

Abby, her behavior is hurtful, especially to our father. Frankly, I'm tired of the situation. Please advise me how to handle this. -- SISTERLY TROUBLE

DEAR SISTERLY TROUBLE: You didn't mention whether your sister has emotional problems, or whether she's dependent simply because she can be. As long as she has you to shore her up, why should she tread water for herself? If there is no compelling reason why the family should bail her out, you are doing her a disservice by doing so.

By age 35, your sister should have taken responsibility for herself, so get the family to stand together and send her the message that she's on her own. Of course, I wouldn't expect you to let her drown -- but convince her she must try to save herself before she goes down for the third time.

DEAR ABBY: I have several married and divorced children. I have always helped them in any way I could by letting them keep their belongings, hobbies and junk in my home and even live here. It isn't as if they have no homes -- they do, and larger than mine.

I have been alone for a long time, so maybe they never think of my getting married again. I love my home, and I have found a person I would like to marry and share the rest of my life with. I have even thought of us renting a place somewhere, but maybe I would never get my home back. Would this be wise?

What is the best way for me to regain my home in full without hurting my children? I'm trying to be patient, but they don't seem to "get it." Please advise me how to resolve this in a caring and loving way. I need your help. -- CROWDED OUT IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR CROWDED OUT: Congratulations on having found a special someone to marry and share your life with. Now it's time to share the wonderful news with your children. And when you do -- tell them you're giving them one month to reclaim their belongings because you'll be living there with your new husband and need the space.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)