DEAR ABBY: Please help! My husband and I are having a relationship-threatening argument over child-rearing practices. As a child development specialist, I choose to err on the side of caution with my young son. I insist on seat belts, don't allow him to watch violent or scary movies, and never leave him unsupervised. I keep my doors locked, and teach him about stranger-danger and other safety issues.

My husband and his family feel that I'm raising him to be a wimp because I don't allow him to swim off a boat in areas known to have a lot of sharks. They don't worry about things like that. I am well aware of the unlikelihood of a shark attack on a human, but feel that it is an unnecessary risk. The beach is just fine for us.

What bothers me most, Abby, is that my husband sides with his family, putting down my beliefs and criticizing my son. Please comment. -- CAUTIOUS IN DAYTONA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR CAUTIOUS: If your husband is siding with his family against you to the extent you feel it's threatening to your marriage, your differences extend further than the area of child-rearing. I urge you to consider marriage counseling before those differences erode your marriage beyond repair.

You don't say how old your son is, but a mother's first priority should always be the safety of her child. Compromise with your husband on other issues, but don't back down when it concerns the safety of your son.

DEAR ABBY: I had dinner with a prospective girlfriend at her invitation at her house. We had just finished dinner when her phone rang. It was a male friend, wanting to tell her about some meeting he went to. When she answered the phone, she said she had company and asked if they could talk later. However, the conversation went on and on. I was in the other room and put on my coat to leave. At that point, she told her friend she had company who was leaving, and had to hang up. She said her friend apologized and said he hadn't heard her say that she had company.

I asked her why, when he kept on talking and talking, she couldn't have said again that she had company and would talk later. She replied, "I didn't want to be rude to him." I told her that she was rude to me, and the extended conversation was a big turn-off. It soured our budding relationship.

Who was out of line, Abby? -- BOB IN LONG BEACH

DEAR BOB: The caller. It was rude to keep your friend on the line when he knew she had company. The fact that the woman allowed the conversation to drag on could indicate a lack of concern for your feelings -- or simply a lack of assertiveness on her part.

They were both rude, and it's regrettable that a budding relationship died from the frostbite that followed.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "FREEZES UP IN PUBLIC": There are two kinds of people in the world. There are those who come into a room and their attitude says, "Here I am!" And there are those who come into a room and their attitude says, "There you are!" Which are you?

The "there-you-are" type is the winner. If you want to receive a warm welcome, remember: The happier you are to see others, the happier they'll be to see you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have never seen a letter in your column stressing the importance of always carrying identification, either in a pocket or attached to your clothing.

My neighbor spent last summer with her sister who lived several hundred miles away. During the visit, she suffered a massive stroke while shopping alone in a mall. Her purse was stolen and no one knew who she was. When she didn't return at the expected time, her sister became frightened and called the police, but the visiting sister couldn't be located.

Abby, a few nights later, her by-then frantic sister saw a news report about an unidentified woman who had a stroke in a mall and died two days later. She followed up on the story and discovered the unidentified woman was her sister!

Since then, I have been suggesting to friends and family that they carry identification on them at all times -- and although many promise to do so, they "don't get around to it." Perhaps if they see this in your column, they'll realize how important the message is and do something about it. -- ALICE JOHNS, NORTH PALM BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ALICE: I relayed that message to readers several years ago, but it bears repeating. It's also a good idea to carry essential medical information with the I.D. Should there be an accident or sudden illness that prevents communicating health problems, emergency personnel will know about allergies, possible drug interactions or pre-existing conditions.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Wondering Dad's" letter. I was widowed at 23 years of age with a 3-year-old daughter. A year and a half later, I'm still single.

I, too, worry that not having a "man of the house" will have repercussions later. People tell me that I should have a father for my daughter or she may not grow up right. Abby, my child is intelligent, outgoing and well-adjusted. Yes, there are some things that a father could teach her that I cannot, so I have enlisted my brother to spend time with her. Until I find someone who is perfect for the two of us, I will not rush into a marriage just to have a father for her.

I applaud you for the perfect answer you gave "Wondering Dad." Please let him know that as long as he gives his time and love, and teaches his son to respect and appreciate people, he will grow up to be a well-adjusted young man. -- THE WOMAN OF THE HOUSE IN SHERMAN OAKS, CALIF.

DEAR WOMAN OF THE HOUSE: Selecting a spouse is not a decision that should be made in haste, because one size does not fit all. I'm certain that "Wondering Dad" will find your letter reassuring. Thank you for the input.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently invited to a bridal shower for a new family member. I accepted this invitation and later learned from my sister-in-law that the wedding was the following weekend.

She received an invitation to the wedding; I didn't. The wedding was billed as a "small, intimate family wedding." At the shower, I learned that my husband's aunt (the bride's mother) invited her close friends and only a few family members!

Is it proper to invite a member of the family to a bridal shower but not to the wedding? -- INSULTED IN GEORGIA

DEAR INSULTED: Absolutely not. Since you were invited to the shower, you should have been invited to the wedding also.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old who believes what you told "Worried Mom in Minneapolis" was incorrect. I agree that there are some immature 14-year-olds, but not all of them are immature. Although I wasn't mature at that time, I know people who are. Just saying that about all 14-year-old boys is unfair.

Her son showed her that he could spend the night at a friend's house without an adult and not do anything wrong. I was left alone at night at a friend's house, and my friend and I knew not to do anything illegal or stupid. Most 14-year-olds do have that much sense. -- MAD 15-YEAR-OLD IN DURHAM, N.C.

DEAR MAD 15-YEAR-OLD: No one accused the boys of doing anything "wrong." However, it's better to be safe than sorry. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Worried Mom in Minneapolis," we just returned from the emergency room after picking up our 14-year-old son. He had shared one bottle of whiskey with two other 14-year-old boys at 11 a.m. Two of the boys were found inebriated after falling on their way to a 7-Eleven store to get something to eat. Had they stayed home, they may have ended up dead from choking on their own vomit when they passed out.

One of the boys' fathers had left them home for one hour while he took his daughter to her mom's. Imagine what could have happened had they been left alone overnight. -- AN ORDINARY MOM WITH AN ORDINARY SON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ORDINARY MOM: Your son is overdue for a frank discussion about the fact that guzzling alcohol can not only make a person sick, it can lead to overdosing, which can be fatal. At this point he may be willing to accept it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Worried Mom in Minneapolis." I am 42 years old, and I was left home alone at age 14. Because of it, I grew up fast. (I am female.)

It takes only one time to meet the wrong people or be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Fortunately, I had parents who gave me good morals that stuck when they weren't around. Trust me, I was no angel, but I never got caught because I guess I was lucky.

Yes, it gave me the chance to grow up faster than the girls next door. I'm lucky I survived. Really.

Kids at that age can get caught up in a lot of trouble that they're not even looking for. Morals or not, it's so tempting to cross that thin line these days. And the price (drugs, disease) is a lot higher than it was in 1970.

If parents give children that freedom, they should know in their hearts that their children are strong enough to handle the pressure. I knew better than to go out, but I did anyway. Most kids will, just for the challenge. You can't "smother" 14-year-olds, but be sure to keep an open mind -- and never leave them unsupervised at night! -- BEEN THERE, DONE IT, BRADENTON, FLA.

DEAR BEEN THERE: I agree. Teen-agers do not have to be "bad" to exercise poor judgment on occasion. One way to avoid trouble is to avoid temptation. Temptations are less powerful when an adult is present.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)