DEAR ABBY: I have been married less than six months, and my husband and I are already having problems. The problems stem from a friend and her adult daughter. My husband lived with them for several years, and the daughter became his self-appointed hostess and surrogate wife. (She has a husband who ignores her.)

Since the day we announced our engagement, the planning of our wedding and honeymoon until now, she has tried to control our lives. She and her mother even planned a trip to coincide with our honeymoon so we could "all be together"!

Abby, he is 63 and I'm 43. I don't need her or anyone else planning our lives. My husband is very passive. He refuses to say anything to them in spite of my complaints. He has been friends with her parents for 40 years, and he acts as if he's so committed and loyal to them that he cannot tell them to stay out of our lives.

My husband even allowed the daughter to plan an Easter dinner at our home without my knowledge. She invited all of her friends and family. She tried to plan Thanksgiving dinner at our place, too, until I put my foot down. That made her angry. Now she leaves messages on the answering machine telling my husband to call her.

I have tried explaining to her in a civil manner how I resent her interference. There have been other incidents, and I'm only touching the treetops here. But she has been running my husband's life for so long, my unhappiness falls on deaf ears. I'm at my wit's end. I love my husband, but I can't remain married to a man who's more loyal to his friends than to his wife. What do you think I should do? -- GEORGIA IN GEORGIA

DEAR GEORGIA: Marriage is supposed to be a union between two people -- not four. Old friendships die hard, and it's possible your husband has been so close to this family for so long he's having trouble reorganizing his priorities now that he's a married man.

Tell him how threatened and encroached upon they have made you feel, and that his failure to draw the line is making your life intolerable. And since the wedding vows are so recent, invite the clergyperson who performed your marriage to dinner one evening, to refresh your husband's memory about the meaning of the vows you took together -- particularly the one about forsaking all others.

DEAR ABBY: I would like you to settle an argument that has been going on for a very long time. A member of my family insists that you make up all the letters you put in the paper. I know this is not true.

Will you please print this letter and settle it once and for all? This has been going on long enough. -- UPSET IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UPSET: Although the letters that appear in my column are edited for language and length, there is no way I could make up the thousands of problems that come across my desk every week. And every letter that's published in my column provokes more letters from other readers. The volume and variety are enormous.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In December of last year, I was traveling to college to take my final exams when I was in a serious automobile accident. It had been snowing most of the morning and I lost control of my car. I hit the guardrail, a large truck, a tree -- and ended up in a ditch.

When my car stopped spiraling out of control, I got out, and as I stood in the snow, I screamed but no sounds came out. I was crying, but no tears rolled down my cheeks. My body was in shock.

The first person to stop at the accident was Molly. She came to me, put her arms around me and held me. When she did that, I collapsed. I was so scared and so alone. She took me to her car where it was warm and safe. She calmed me by telling me about her young children and her Christmas tree. She was like a guardian angel. We sat in her car until the state police arrived.

After the police and rescue arrived, everything happened so fast I never got the chance to give Molly a hug and properly thank her.

Abby, would you please print my letter and my message to this dear woman? I'd like to say, "Molly, thank you for what you did for me. You were an angel, and I'll never forget you." -- SHEBA COTE, WINSLOW, MAINE

DEAR SHEBA: I'm pleased to publish your letter and message. Guardian angels are people who think first with their hearts. If Molly wasn't a heavenly angel, she was as close to one as a human being can get on that snowy day. Thank you for sharing your story.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter and her husband have been married just five years, and now they want to renew their wedding vows. Their first ceremony was a "quickie" before a local judge with no family or friends present.

Would it be proper for them to renew their wedding vows in a church with a reception afterward? If so, who pays for the event, and do the guests bring gifts? -- CONFUSED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONFUSED: A renewal or reaffirmation of wedding vows has become increasingly popular in recent years, usually for couples who have been married 10 or more years. Traditionally, wedding vows are repeated on the couple's anniversary, with each promising to continue to "love, honor and cherish."

There is no right or wrong way to renew one's wedding vows. It can be done as formally as a church ceremony (white gown and all), or as casually as giving a party, inviting a clergyperson, and verbalizing your love and commitment to each other in the privacy of your living room, surrounded by family and friends.

The couple pays for the event, including the reception. No gifts from the guests are expected, although it would be gracious to bring the couple a gift to mark their latest wedding anniversary. They may wish to exchange rings again, either old or new.

DEAR ABBY: At the risk of sounding prejudiced, can you tell me why so many Jewish celebrities constantly remind everyone that they are Jewish? For example, there is Larry King, Dr. Laura and Judge Judy. I have watched or listened to other celebrities for years, and they don't give you a clue as to their ethnic background or religious persuasion, which is fine with me. This seems to be a Jewish trait. Can you explain it? -- CURIOUS, TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR CURIOUS: I was not aware that "so many Jewish celebrities" constantly remind everyone that they are Jewish. The reasons probably vary from individual to individual. You will have to ask Larry King, Dr. Laura or Judge Judy.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please help us to make a decision. Our 81-year-old father likes women -- females of any age.

In the past, he pursued a teen-age neighbor girl to the point that her family moved away. His adopted granddaughter calls him "a dirty old man" and won't come near him. As I understand it, he pursues, looks, touches, hugs, kisses, but doesn't rape.

My mother tries to save face. Our problem is that Dad and Mother have moved to another state, away from us. They are now living next door to a wonderful young couple who have a 3-year-old girl.

So far, Dad just watches the child when they visit and he only gives the young mother elaborate hugs and makes risque remarks. Mom admits that "she watches him like a hawk" when she baby-sits the little girl.

Abby, we are worried the day will come when he is alone with the child or the parents make the mistake of asking him to baby-sit. Do we warn the parents and ruin the neighborhood camaraderie? Talking to Dad won't help, as he seems to think he has no problem. What do you think? -- HIS FOUR CHILDREN IN TEXAS

DEAR HIS FOUR CHILDREN: If the four of you and your mother think your father has a problem, then he has one. The child's safety must come first.

Tell your mother that if she doesn't tell the neighbors about your father's background, you will. If your father tried to do something inappropriate to the child -- or any other -- it could cause enormous damage. You would have moral liability for his behavior, and, of course, your father could go to jail.

DEAR ABBY: Many times over the years I have meant to write to you to express how grateful I am to live in this country and be able to express myself freely.

When I was a corporal in the U.S. Army in 1947, as an information and education specialist, I had the honor of escorting a female Jewish doctor from Schweinfurt, Germany, back to her home town in Trutnov, Czechoslovakia. She had been interned by the Nazis from 1933 until after the liberation in 1945, and then in a displaced persons camp until I escorted her back to her former home.

She made such an impression on me, telling me what she'd had to endure all those years. Then, 30 years later, in 1977 she unknowingly walked into Maas Bros. department store and bought a color TV from me. The flashback was there, as if by God's wish. It had special meaning to me being of Irish-German descent.

I am now a 73-year-old senior citizen, privileged to live with this beautiful memory. It makes me more compassionate, knowing what the Jewish people went through at the hands of those insane madmen.

Thank you, Dear Abby, for letting me express my gratitude. -- VICTOR H. COLLAR, ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR VICTOR: Thank you for expressing it.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.