DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school and college, I was very promiscuous. I'm only 19 and have already had more than 10 sex partners. Because of this I have lost many friends, and at this point, I have no one to turn to.

I am changing now and have made some modifications in my life to raise my self-esteem. I know now that when I was younger, in order to feel wanted, I was willing to do anything to get attention. I now feel better about myself, but I'm finding it difficult to live down my bad reputation. People seem to have a hard time forgiving and forgetting.

Abby, I don't want to have to move. I just want people to accept me as I am now. Any suggestions how I can lose my past? -- REPENTED IN OREGON

DEAR REPENTED: Your situation reminds me of a saying I heard many years ago: "A woman's virtue is like a fine painting. Once its authenticity is questioned, it's never quite the same." People have long memories -- and they love to talk -- so even though you have turned over a new leaf, it could take many years to live down your past. Starting over in a new location would be easier, faster and probably more effective.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for a young woman who has a wedding shower and two weeks later postpones her wedding? How does she go about notifying the people who attended the shower? And what should be done with the gifts? -- MR. WONDERING

DEAR MR. WONDERING: A brief note from the bride-to-be, explaining to the shower guests that the wedding has been postponed, should suffice.

There are no hard-and-fast rules about the rest of the scenario. Courtesy and common sense should prevail. If a wedding is canceled, unused gifts should be returned with a brief note. Since a postponement is not a cancellation, only a delay, the gifts need not be returned. However, if the postponement is expected to be a matter of many months, with little realistic expectation that the wedding will ever take place, the gifts should be returned.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for a young woman who has a wedding shower and two weeks later postpones her wedding? How does she go about notifying the people who attended the shower? And what should be done with the gifts? -- MR. WONDERING

DEAR MR. WONDERING: A brief note from the bride-to-be, explaining to the shower guests that the wedding has been postponed, should suffice.

There are no hard-and-fast rules about the rest of the scenario. Courtesy and common sense should prevail. If a wedding is canceled, unused gifts should be returned with a brief note. Since a postponement is not a cancellation, only a delay, the gifts need not be returned. However, if the postponement is expected to be a matter of many months, with little realistic expectation that the wedding will ever take place, the gifts should be returned.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a longtime fan, and have often thought of thanking you for your commitment to the needs of children. This letter is especially prompted by a recent column in which you quoted the verse, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I agree with you that "nothing could be further from the truth."

Several years ago, I was teaching a lesson in a first-grade classroom. We were talking about how words can hurt worse than being hit. I used the same "sticks and stones" quote, and a shy little girl raised her hand. She said she had made up a different ending. This is what she said: "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can break your heart."

It is a moment I will never forget and reminded me once again how privileged I am to work with children. -- SHERI WINKLEMAN, COUNSELOR, SPRINGFIELD, ORE.

DEAR SHERI: The child's words were profound. From the mouths of babes ...

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me the letter from "A Loving Mom" was an old one, dredged up from the 1950s. This woman needs a reality check if she's concerned with her daughter, at age 19, marrying a man who can keep her in the lifestyle to which her parents have accustomed her. She should be more concerned with her daughter's choice of a career path as a schoolteacher if she's worried about her daughter's ability to maintain her extravagant lifestyle. This is 1999, for crying out loud.

I had hoped that we had evolved beyond women expecting men to support them in this day and age when women are just as capable of generating their own wealth. Are we still applying this obsolete double standard where men are still expected to be the primary provider for the family, while we are competing with women for jobs? -- CHRISTOPHER, AN EQUAL PARTNER IN MY MARRIAGE, GLEN ALLEN, VA.

DEAR CHRISTOPHER: The mother's thinking may have been from the '50s, but the letter was current. I received an armload of letters criticizing me for failing to come down hard on the mother, who may be perceived as being a "U.S. Grade A snob." My thinking was that having raised her, the mother had a pretty good insight into the daughter's adaptability -- and the time to discuss her feelings about the boy's "prospects" was before a serious commitment was made. Now, let's hear it from the readers:

DEAR ABBY: My advice to "Arnie," the boyfriend, is to run like the wind away from that family, especially the mother. The values the girl was raised with will surely surface to make his life miserable. -- LINDA IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: "Loving Mom" described how successful her husband is, and listed the material things they have enjoyed over the years. But, Abby, she never once mentioned any terms of endearment about her marriage. Life and happiness are not about storing up material things; they're about mutual caring and having a soul mate to share your life with. We as a society need to care about people, not "things." -- A LOVING HUSBAND, HULMEVILLE, PA.

DEAR ABBY: In an age where infidelity and sexual violence rule the headlines, it angers me that this mother feels that "'Arnie,' a fine young man who loves my daughter," who admirably attends college part-time while working, is not making the grade.

So Mom is concerned that her daughter might have to forgo the new cars and nice vacations she has grown up with, and live with a more average income? Please! Yet the letter is signed "A Loving Mom." How about "A Materialistic Mom"? If daughter was as concerned as mother about living on Easy Street, my guess is that she would have dumped Arnie long ago.

I vehemently disagree with your advice to the mother to have a talk with her daughter. Abby, it's the MOM who needs a talking-to. Well-meaning she may be, but I wish she'd wake up to the idea that love and wealth do not go hand-in-hand. -- RANKLED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y. (A MALE READER)

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading a letter in your column from Tom Lynch of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Tom said that if we make a law against using cell phones while driving, then other laws might be enacted such as, "No tuning the radio while driving," "No looking at your passenger during conversation while driving," "No adjusting the temperature while driving," and "No driving without eight hours of sleep."

He also said, "We'll always have tragic accidents ... the potential loss of freedom is much more tragic."

I am outraged! I'm 13. My mother was killed in a car accident a year ago, along with my stepbrother. If not listening to the car radio, not having my dad look at me while driving, being cold or hot in the car, or having my dad say he can't drive me to the mall because he hasn't had eight hours of sleep could bring my mom back, I'd forfeit my "freedoms" in a heartbeat! These things are a small price to pay compared to living without my mother and stepbrother because of someone's carelessness.

Tom -- get a life! -- CHRISTY GRIFFITH, PALM HARBOR, FLA.

DEAR CHRISTY: For one so young, you have written a powerful letter. Please accept my deepest sympathy on the tragic loss of your beloved mother and stepbrother. Although nothing will bring them back, perhaps your letter will remind motorists that their cars are powerful machines, capable of inflicting the most severe damage if they are not used with care and consideration for others.

DEAR ABBY: If you're not up to here with responses to "Dad, the Morning Rooster," please consider my comments for publication.

"Dad's" son could have been me when I was young. Alarm clocks never had the desired effect on me. I was called lazy, and my guidance counselor said I lacked motivation. My teachers branded me a slacker. I slept on the bus, slept in class, etc., although I tested off the charts for aptitude and intelligence. Because of my sleep problems, I barely graduated from high school and had an extremely difficult time in college. My employers were even less understanding of my difficulty than my teachers.

Abby, when my wife complained about my sleepiness and difficulty in waking up, I finally consulted a doctor. Guess what, folks! I do not get restorative sleep. I have a condition called sleep apnea that prevents the sleep state from rejuvenating me.

I am scheduled for a surgical procedure that may relieve me of this affliction, and I'm excited beyond words. "Dad" should have his son evaluated at a sleep disorder clinic, before the relationship is strained beyond repair. -- WAITING FOR A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP IN GALENA, OHIO

DEAR WAITING: Sleep apnea can, indeed, interfere with restorative sleep, leaving one still in need of rest when the sun comes up in the morning. Perhaps the young man does suffer from this disorder and would benefit from being evaluated by a sleep disorder specialist. Thanks for suggesting it.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.