DEAR ABBY: I have a terrible problem on my hands and desperately need your advice.

Several years ago, after enduring a nightmare marriage for 27 years, I left my husband "Joe," with the loving support of a dear friend I'll call "Sally." I found a kindred spirit in this funny, gentle, intelligent woman -- and without her I don't know how I could have survived that terrible time in my life. We were virtually inseparable. I had my own room in her home, and she had her own room in mine. We took trips together, spent weekends and holidays together, took care of each other and each other's kids. We did everything together, and I must admit I've never been happier. We were always there for each other.

But after three years of trying to make it without a husband, I caved in and remarried Joe. He promised to change, and he's been quite tolerable. The problem I'm faced with is that I no longer have a place in my life for Sally. I just don't have any time for her. She does not fit in with my "married crowd." She's a single mom, and even though I love her dearly, she's quite eccentric and my husband does not approve of her.

I know how to break up with a man. My question is, how do I "break up" with a girlfriend without hurting her? I really thought that she would understand, but she apparently doesn't. She is terribly upset with how things have turned out, but there's nothing I can do about it. -- CAUGHT BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

DEAR CAUGHT: Your letter gives credence to the adage, "No good deed goes unpunished." There's no way to break up with Sally without hurting her.

It's not surprising that your husband disapproves of Sally. She was your lifeline during the separation, and she symbolizes your independence. Where was your "married crowd" when you needed support after your "nightmare marriage" and no longer fit in with them?

If you really wanted to, you could maintain the friendship despite the altered circumstances. However, since you don't -- show her this column and, I assure you, she will understand.

DEAR ABBY: Just a few words to let you know what happened after you printed my letter about the donation of frequent-flier miles to the Make-A-Wish Foundation:

The overwhelming number of phone calls the Make-A-Wish Foundation received at their national office prompted them to set up a special phone line to facilitate the high volume of inquiries they received after the column ran. Northwest Airlines WorldPerks members donated more than 800,000 miles in the two days following the date my letter appeared. And in addition, the foundation's Delta Airlines account was credited with more than 5 million miles during the month of July!

So, Abby, I'm pleased to report that hundreds of children will benefit. Bless you and your many readers who made this possible. -- SID FISHER, PALM SPRINGS, CALIF.

DEAR SID: That's terrific news, and I know my readers will be as pleased as I to read it. To all my readers who donated airline mileage so generously, thank you on behalf of the children who will benefit for making this possible.

DEAR READERS: Have a happy, healthy and prosperous 1999. And remember, if you're driving, don't drink; and if you're drinking, don't drive.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Every January for the last eight years, thousands of your readers have called and written the American Optometric Association to apply for free eye care available to low-income working people through VISION USA.

During that time, more than 7,500 optometrists have given free eye exams to nearly 245,000 children and adults. Among those helped last year was a teen-ager who had never had an eye exam and who was treated for crossed eyes that caused him to see double when he tried to read. Another young man was diagnosed and treated for glaucoma, and surgery was arranged for a middle-aged man who had a massive tear in his retina, which lines the back of the eye. Without surgical repair, he would have gone blind in that eye.

We hope you will alert your readers to the 1999 VISION USA program. Abby, we appreciate your steadfast support of VISION USA. You are helping many hardworking, deserving people to see better and have healthy eyes. -- JOHN A. McCALL JR., O.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN OPTOMETRIC ASSOCIATION

DEAR JOHN: Thank you for sharing your success stories with me and my readers. I'm pleased to publicize your generous efforts. Readers: Application forms are available now from VISION USA, 243 N. Lindbergh Blvd., St. Louis, Mo. 63141, or on the American Optometric Association (AOA) Web site (www.acanet.org) in the "Meet the AOA" section. Completed forms must be postmarked by Jan. 22, 1999. Or, from Jan. 4-29, 1999, low-income working people can be screened for eligibility for VISION USA by calling 1-800-766-4466. Phone lines will be open weekdays from 7:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m.(CST).

To qualify for the free eye care, persons must: have a job or live in a household where there is one working member; have no health insurance that covers eye examinations; have income below an established level based on household size; and have had no eye exam within the last two years. Eligibility requirements may vary in some states.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and her brother took our children and theirs to visit their folks. It was a four-hour drive. My brother-in-law asked us to remove the middle seat from our van so his children could ride on the floor and play. Our children could be buckled in the third seat, but his would have no seat belts and would ride unprotected.

Abby, in my opinion, his request showed an outrageous lack of judgment. We have seat-belt laws in this state, and my brother-in-law had been issued a warning ticket for not buckling up his kids.

I was viewed as a fool for objecting to the removal of the middle seat. They all had a good laugh at my expense. Was I wrong? -- SAFETY-CONSCIOUS DAD IN MONTANA

DEAR DAD: You were not wrong. Had there been an accident, without seat belts, the children could have been seriously injured or killed. You were the only parent who showed common sense and concern for the safety of the children and respect for the law. I hope you stood your ground.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: People who are in treatment for infertility in California must be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Much to our shock, my husband tested positive for hepatitis B, which is typically transmitted via sexual contact. Because we knew that he had not been exposed, we requested that our doctor perform the test again to be sure that the test result was correct. Our doctor complied -- with great reluctance -- and sure enough, the test came back completely negative!

We had a terrible time convincing our doctor that the test should be repeated. I hope no one else has to go through that. Please, Abby, encourage your readers to have important tests repeated to ensure the results weren't false. -- RELIEVED IN SANTA BARBARA

DEAR RELIEVED: I've done it before, and I'm pleased to do it again. Readers, never hesitate to have important tests repeated, or to ask for a second, or even a third opinion, if there's a question about a diagnosis.

DEAR ABBY: Please print this on behalf of all the short, older people who enjoy dining out but who feel dwarfed sitting at tables built to accommodate taller people.

Restaurateurs: Please give us a lift! Those of us who have shrunk with age, are crippled with arthritis or have lost range of motion in our shoulders would certainly appreciate a "boost" in the form of a cushion to allow us to sit higher at your tables -- or a chair that sits higher off the floor. We would have more leverage and could manipulate the cutlery much easier.

As long as there are special areas in restaurants for smokers and non-smokers and accommodations for the disabled, why not be innovative and accommodate us? The older population is increasing by leaps and bounds, infirmities and all, and many of us are tired of feeling that we're sitting in a hole while we eat!

Restaurateurs who heed this cry for help would stand 10 feet tall in the eyes of us little people. -- SHORTY FROM WISCONSIN

DEAR SHORTY: As a person who is 5-feet-nothing, I feel your pain. However, I'm surprised that a pillow or "booster" wasn't available upon request. I'm printing your message for restaurateurs to see -- but a better solution might be to bring your own cushion when you dine out, in case the restaurant owner misses this column.

DEAR ABBY: I have noticed that from time to time you print jokes in your column. I'm wondering if you ever heard this one? -- CHARLES PIERCE, TOLUCA LAKE, CALIF.

DEAR CHARLES: How generous of you! As a matter of fact, I hadn't heard it. However, I'm sure many readers will relate to it, as I did:

Talk show host Larry King was interviewing the devil. When Larry asked him what his greatest achievements were, the devil responded by saying, "The world wars were fun to do. That iceberg didn't just 'happen' to be in the way of the Titanic. I put it there! Then, of course, there were some monumental earthquakes, floods, mudslides -- and the Hindenburg. That was a blast!"

Larry thought for a moment and pressed further: "I know, but what was your GREATEST achievement?"

The devil's horns began vibrating. His eyes flashed neon red. He leaned across the desk into Larry's face and said, "Call waiting."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)