DEAR ABBY: I foolishly tossed out your column on what to give seniors for Christmas, thinking I knew what to give my parents. However, this summer I married a man several years older than myself, and now I could use some suggestions about what I can buy for my elderly in-laws. This is my first Christmas in the family, and I want to be sure to give them something they can use and enjoy. Help! -- MELISSA IN MINGO JUNCTION, OHIO

DEAR MELISSA: I'm pleased to help.

When buying gifts for seniors, keep in mind that most seniors have more than their share of dusting powder and aftershave, and have run out of room for bud vases and bird feeders. Some practical alternatives:

-- Postcards or lined stationery with a generous supply of postage stamps.

-- A gift certificate for their favorite grocery store, deli or pharmacy.

-- An assortment of greeting cards for birthdays and anniversaries, as well as get-well and condolence cards.

-- A "paid in advance" certificate for 10 lawn mowings or snow shovelings by a neighborhood youngster.

-- A "certificate" for a service you can perform that is difficult for them -- a thorough house cleaning, a month's laundry, a handyman visit for home safety inspection and minor repairs.

-- An offer to rewrite their address book in large, more legible print.

-- A month of Sunday drives to church, or to the country, the museum or the park.

-- If the person on your list is on a limited income, a check in any amount will be appreciated.

-- A subscription to their favorite magazine or the daily newspaper.

-- A basket of goodies assembled especially for them: cans of ham, tuna, chicken, hearty soups, chili and stew; instant coffee and tea bags; crackers; instant soup mixes.

-- A selection of their treasured, tattered photos retouched and placed into a new album, with captions.

-- A drive to see the Christmas lights and decorations, as well as store windows.

If a senior says, "Please don't give me anything," that usually means, "I have more things than I need." However, a gift of your time will be appreciated and remembered long after the holiday has passed and the material gifts are stored away. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived in a sexless marriage for almost 25 years. Shortly after our marriage, my husband told me that since we didn't plan to raise a family, there was no need to have sexual relations. He said he didn't like to get hot and sweaty.

A few days ago, I ran across a prescription bottle of -- you guessed it -- Viagra. I know he's not using it for my benefit. Should I confront him about it? I have thought sex was a dead issue for my entire married life, and this really distresses me. -- CAROL IN SMALLTOWN, MO.

DEAR CAROL: You have good reason to be distressed. Although you thought sex was a dead issue for your entire married life, it appears there has been a resurrection. Your husband owes you an explanation.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I'm very upset with my boyfriend. "Jeff" stood me up on the anniversary of our first date. It was a very important occasion to me. He had promised that we'd have a special date that evening.

I was recuperating from a hysterectomy, and it would have been our first night of lovemaking since the surgery. He had been very supportive up until that time.

Jeff is in the National Guard and volunteers for extra duty to earn extra pay because he's between jobs. However, he could have at least called me to say he couldn't make it. This is the second time in six months that he's stood me up without calling.

I haven't called him and I don't think I should. I did write him an angry letter with a lot of name-calling, but I didn't mail it. (It helped me dispel some anger.)

What do I do now? -- PUT OUT IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR PUT OUT: I don't blame you for being upset. Now comes the hard part -- waiting to see how long it takes Jeff to call and apologize for standing you up. If you don't hear from him within two weeks, you can safely assume he has ended the relationship -- and not very nicely, I might add.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to address my remarks to "Dying Inside," who witnessed his girlfriend and his "best friend" in a sex act in the friend's car, and asked your advice.

You, my friend, are not alone. There are loads of men and women who have also died inside, but take it from me -- it will only get worse if you don't quickly distance yourself from these two.

My ex-wife, whom I loved too much and took from near poverty, "rewarded" me by cheating with a man I thought was my friend. I had helped him find employment doing gardening at the mall she managed. Because of my blind love for her, I not only allowed her to embarrass me with my friends and family, I also gave her the opportunity to steal my hard-earned money.

So please, "Dying Inside," for your own sake, do not allow this cheat to inflict any more of the pain that I'm sure will follow the pain you now feel. Don't be the fool that I was. Listen to someone who has been there, and not to your heart. Run fast, my friend, and don't look back. -- BROKENHEARTED, BROKEN FINANCIALLY, BUT FINALLY HAPPY

DEAR FINALLY HAPPY: Your signature speaks volumes. Your lesson makes sense. Betrayal is painful to face, not to mention damaging to one's self-esteem. And as hard as the perpetrator may try to justify the betrayal, it doesn't diminish the enormity of it. I'm pleased to know that you are recovering.

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter about the "paper shower" invitation. I agree with the writer. I never would have thought twice about it. I would have bought two 24-roll packages of toilet paper, an eight-roll package of paper towels, four boxes of tissues and two packages of paper napkins to take to the shower.

I'm sure I would have been embarrassed at the party when everyone else gave money, but I would have loved seeing the expression on the face of the bride-to-be when she opened my paper gift! -- GRANDMA J.J., WOODBURY, MINN.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about a person who refuses to wear underwear? My husband is driving me crazy.

He hates clothing and usually runs around the house in a pair of old shorts worn well below the waistline, no shirt and no underwear. When no one but me is there, he goes completely naked. He says he would like to join a nudist colony because he hates clothing so much.

We have been married many years, and over the years I have bought him just about every brand of men's underwear to try. He hated them all.

Abby, I love my husband and am not contemplating divorce or anything like that, but I'm grossed out by his refusal to wear underwear.

If you say I should learn to live with it (which I mostly have anyway), I will try to keep my mouth shut. I hope you don't think this letter is too ridiculous to print. Oh, by the way, my husband insists that there are many people out there like him. -- WIFE OF ALMOST NAKED HUSBAND IN K.C.

DEAR WIFE OF ALMOST NAKED HUSBAND: I'm sure there are many people of both sexes who find underwear too confining and opt not to wear any. To say it "briefly," it's a matter of personal choice. If this is the only thing about your husband that bothers you, consider yourself fortunate, and avert your gaze.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son can't -- or won't -- get himself out of bed in the morning for work. He relies on my wife or me to get him up. He has an alarm clock, but he turns it off and goes right back to sleep.

Two nights ago, I told him I would no longer be responsible for getting him out of bed in the morning; it was time for him to assume responsibility for himself. He countered with the accusation that if he lost his job because he was late, it would be my fault for not waking him.

Abby, I would feel bad if he lost his job, but I can't see that it would be my fault. Should I continue to be his human alarm clock or let the chips fall where they may? Is it wrong to make a young adult face the music for his actions (or lack of them, in this case)? -- DAD, THE MORNING ROOSTER

DEAR DAD: No, it's not wrong to make your son face the consequences of his actions. He's an adult now, and it's time for him to get up on his own. Anyone can do it if he's properly motivated, and you won't always be around to pry him out of bed. You gave your son an important wake-up call: It's time for him to rise and shine on his own.

DEAR ABBY: Can a woman who has been divorced multiple times choose any of her former husbands' last names?

My former wife has been married three times. I was her first husband more than 20 years ago. When we were married, she used my last name. During each of her other marriages, she went by that husband's name, but when each ended, she reverted back to mine.

I have demanded that she stop using my name, as I believe that she no longer has a right to do so. I have told her that she should use either her maiden name, or the last name of her last husband. -- DENNIS DYER, SAN PEDRO, CALIF.

DEAR DENNIS: Your former wife can call herself anything she wishes as long as the purpose is not to defraud. However, she may not call herself Mrs. Dennis Dyer, as it might cause her to be confused with your current wife.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)