DEAR ABBY: I am 49, divorced, and partially living with a 67-year-old man. He has been divorced nearly 10 years.

He and his wife divorced because he had fathered a child by another woman. He never married this woman, but he does take care of the financial obligations for mother and child.

He and I fight a lot because of his involvement with his ex-wife and ex-mistress. We have never spent a major holiday together because his adult children have all the family dinners, and I am not "family." I share my home, cabin, family, friends and vacations with him. Yet he thinks he "owes" the holidays and birthdays to his family. Last year we planned to have his birthday party at his house. We invited his children, but not the ex-wife, ex-mistress or child. Well, no one showed up. They all blamed me for the exclusion.

I'm fairly intelligent and own my own business. Deep down, I want to get rid of him, but like the old rhyme says, "When it's good, it's very, very good -- and when it's bad, it's horrid."

By the way, he recently went on a cruise with his ex-wife, and when they go to family gatherings, they share a room. I am supposed to understand that it's "family." Well, I am sick of this sick family.

He says he would take me to family events, but the children don't want me. He says he doesn't want to hurt them any more than he already has, because the affair that produced the child lasted for 12 years of his marriage. He argues that as long as we spend weekdays together he should be able to spend the dozen-or-so birthdays and holidays with them. I think I should be included in family events or at least considered. Am I wrong? -- HAD ENOUGH IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: I have to wonder why you want to be included at birthday or holiday celebrations with people who have made it clear they want to exclude you. Your friend is trying to keep you happy by spending weekdays with you, but -- face it -- he has too many other females in his life to concentrate on you alone. You will always be the caboose at the end of the train. Frankly, I think you deserve better.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please publish again your letter on tickling? I have just returned from visiting my daughter and her husband, and he tickles his two little girls too often. He says they must like it, because they laugh. It is very distressing to me. -- WORRIED GRANDMOTHER IN KNOXVILLE, TENN.

DEAR WORRIED GRANDMOTHER: You are right to be concerned about your son-in-law's behavior. Pediatric specialists say that excessive tickling stimulates children inappropriately and should be discouraged. Remind him that in ancient times, tickling was used as a method of torture. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: How right you are to point out that constantly tickling someone is cruel and should not be tolerated. My Irish grandmother told me at least 50 years ago of a situation that took place near her hometown in Ireland.

A neighbor had at least two wives pass away before anyone paid much attention to it. Then another neighbor reported hearing hysterical laughter coming from that house. Well, it was later determined that the man had been tying his wives to the bedpost, and tickling the soles of their bare feet with a feather! He continued until the hysteria did them in. In truth, they were tickled to death. -- PAT HOLLINGSWORTH, BRITISH COLUMBIA

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl with a serious problem and no one to turn to. A year ago, my world fell apart.

I live in a small town and my dad is a policeman. Last year, a 19-year-old girl came to work in his department and started riding with him in his patrol car. Everyone started talking about how Dad was having an affair with this teen-age girl who's just a few years older than me. After a few months, my dad moved out and started living with her. Mom wouldn't talk about it, and my grandparents were very upset. A few months later, he and my mom were divorced.

Mom began dating a guy a lot older than her. Neither of them seems to notice me anymore. I'm so confused.

I had no one to talk to, and I started seeing a guy who's 18. He understands how upset I am, but now people are telling me that he's just using me. I feel guilty about my relationship with him. I have terrible nightmares and can't keep from crying during the day. Why did my parents suddenly quit believing in everything they have taught me all my life? I have always been a good student, but this is affecting my grades.

I can't make myself like my mom's boyfriend or my dad's girlfriend. Should I try to force myself to? I can't discuss this with my parents or grandparents. I really need someone who can give me a mature answer. How can I accept my parents' behavior and get on with my life? -- FORGOTTEN DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: You need more help than I can give you in my column. You desperately need support from -- and dialogue with -- an adult other than an 18-year-old man who may be sympathetic, but could be in trouble with the law if this relationship with you continues. Your father is behaving as if he's in his second adolescence, and your mother is trying so hard to replace him that it has affected her relationship with you.

This is a problem that's more than any 13-year-old girl is capable of handling on her own. I urge you to confide in a school counselor, your clergyperson or some other trusted adult. Do it immediately -- and please write again to let me know how you're doing. I care.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question that I've never seen in your column. Can I be buried at sea?

I don't mean my ashes, Abby, I mean my body. I would rather be fish food and part of the ocean chain than be cremated or buried in the ground. Is it legal? Can I be put where I want to be? -- JUST WONDERING IN ROSWELL, N.M.

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Yes, your body can be buried at sea as long as it is transported 12 miles from shore into international waters. However, according to the Funeral and Memorial Societies of America in Hinesburg, Vt., there are other restrictions covering burial at sea, including water depth and weights on the remains. Also, a state permit is required in order to be buried at sea. Since state laws differ, you would be wise to check with a local mortician for details.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have read many letters in your column over the years that have made my writing fingers itch, but "Papa Know-It-All" made me race to my word processor. This guy would try the patience of a saint!

Abby, my 76-year-old father has lived with us for more than four years. I'm blessed with a wonderful father. I don't know what I'd do without him. While my husband and I work long hours, Dad tends to the household chores, takes care of the four pets, runs errands, works part time, volunteers in his spare time and socializes with friends of all ages. He knows when to butt out of our business and asks us if we're interested in his opinion. He also pays his own living expenses out of his Social Security income and wages.

Certainly he has his faults, and we struggle with irritations, but his willingness to contribute to the family activities and responsibilities goes a long way in balancing the score.

I showed Dad the letter about "Papa Know-It-All" and asked him what his response would have been. He said, "Throw him out on his a--." -- DAUGHTER OF A WONDERFUL FATHER, OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your father is a man of few words, but many inner resources. Although I received a stack of letters condemning "Papa Luke's" controlling behavior, one reader had a bone to pick with me about my answer. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You gave good counsel to "Papa Luke's Prisoners." However, I think the Serenity Prayer has been overworked in recent years.

"Prisoner" might like to try this one instead:

"Lord, this situation stinks and we both know it. Now, I'm going to try something different, because what I've been doing hasn't been working. And if Thou wishest to contribute to the miracle, be my guest!" -- THE REV. D.M. MEEKER, JOPLIN, MO.

DEAR MR. MEEKER: God gifted you with a wicked sense of humor. Your version is certainly an attention-getter. Although many people strive for a personal relationship with the Lord, somehow I hadn't envisioned it as being so informal. Your interpretation will probably wind up posted on more refrigerators than you know.

DEAR ABBY: I have learned the most important truth about relationships the hard way.

My girlfriend, "June," and I broke up recently. June was the most wonderful woman I had ever met, and I loved her very much, but I took her for granted.

We were together for two years. We'd had trouble in the past about my lack of commitment, but after each argument, I promised I would change. I tried to improve, but each time I lapsed into the same selfish behavior. Finally, she had enough and ended the relationship.

Abby, if any of your readers recognize this pattern, I would urge them to pay less attention to themselves and more to their partners. Buy her flowers, take her out, tell her when you're going to be running late. Surprise her, tell her how important she is to you, write her sweet notes. Tell her you love her. Do it now, and do it often -- otherwise, it may be too late. -- LOST MY LOVE IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOST: Perhaps it isn't too late after all. Clip this letter and take it to June with two dozen roses. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she's capable of forgiveness one more time.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.